Just a doll , Charlotte TNN angst

Chapter 1

Title: Mistakes.

Warnings : SH thoughts, SH , swearing
If any of these make you uncomfortable this story is not for you!!

Charlottes pov: -3 years prior-

It's been 11 years since me and my husband got together. 11 years , 7 of those which we were married , not long after we had our eldest Skye. She's an angel , my angel I love her a lot. And my youngest. Jacey she's a little demon sometimes , but that's okay. I do still love her. My husband Ben I'm married to him so of course I love him. If I didn't ... I wouldn't be with him. I wouldn't leave him. I can't. If I did , which I wouldn't it'd stress my children. My beautiful , free minded children without a care in the world. If I left my husband they'd all hate me. Especially Jacey she sure is a daddy's girl.

Charlottes pov: -4 weeks prior-

"Ben listen I'm sorry, I am truly sorry please-" I pleaded. He'd found my notes , he went through my phone. "Save it Charlotte you're a fucking monster! You hear me burn?" He screamed now using my maiden name. Burn. I hadn't heard that in years. He use to always call it me. In a mocking way , only teasing , telling me his last name was better for me. Not anymore. I think he wants to insult me with that name. "You're a disgusting creature! I can't believe you would do this to MY children! How do you think they will react when they realise their own mother doesn't love daddy anymore!" I let him shout. I was a monster. I could've kept this all to myself. I should've kept this all to myself. "I'm sorry." I muttered I've made a mistake. All of this was a mistake. I'm a mistake. "Sorry isn't going to cut this Charlotte! What are we going to do? We have children! Tell me! How are we meant to tell them you don't love me anymore! Do you even love them?" He shouted louder. I snapped. "Of course I fucking love them! They're my children! My angels for Gods sake Benjamin!" I shouldn't have shouted. I've made another mistake. He stood there appalled. I've messed up. "Charlotte." Ben said coldly. He knows I've fucked up. It was that look. That tone. The one he always gave when I was in the wrong. I looked up at him though he avoided my gaze.

"Give me 2 weeks. I'll move out and I'll serve up divorce papers." I looked at him. "What?" I was confused what about the children? Skye? Jacey? "I'll have the children weekdays you can have them weekends." He spoke coldly still averting my gaze. "It works out. Give me 2 weeks." I couldn't speak I just nodded. For the first time in 20 minutes he looked at me. He mumbled something under his breath although I couldn't catch it. I knew it was something degrading. I would've preferred hearing it then I wouldn't have to imagine what it was. I'm sorry Ben, I'm sorry Skye, I'm sorry Jacey.

Charlottes pov: -present day-

I sat in my bed, alone. It feels like I've been alone for days. I have been though. Not physically, there's everyone in the nursery. But mentally. I can't take it. It's hurting now. I need to talk to someone I want someone to talk to me. I sigh. "My god Charlotte get a hold of yourself! I'm over reacting so much." I get up and walk towards my bathroom it wasn't all that far away from my bedroom. I was essentially rotting in my room but I was definitely becoming more attached to my bed. I enter into my bathroom quickly turning on the tap using the water to splash my face. I just needed a quick reset. I breathed. I felt somewhat relieved. I look down into the sink, I notice my razor, I had left it in there from the last time I shaved. God. I can't stop looking at it. I picked it up looking at it more, people have said it relaxed them? Maybe it can help me? I stared at it more. Oh God I can't do that. It's wrong. People will judge. I put it down. Walking a few steps towards the bath. I turned on the taps so that the tub would start filling up. All I need is a long bath. That's everything I need. Only thing. Yeah. Only. Thing. I took another breath.

After around 10 minutes the bath had filled up. I slowly removed my clothes placing it neatly on top of one of the counters. I stepped in the bath, siting down and almost immediately slouched down into the warmth of the water. It felt nice. As if someone was holding me. But it didn't relax me. I felt relieved as it took some pressure off my muscles but I just couldn't stop thinking about it. The razor. One cut wouldn't hurt? Only one. Just to feel it. Once I realise it hurts a lot I won't do it again! It's that simple. I leaned over to the counter picking up the razor with my finger tips. I breathed gently. "Once I know it hurts I won't think about it again" I took another deep breath and sliced my wrist gently, the blood almost immediately pouring out dripping down my hand into the bath. I thought it'd hurt. It doesn't. I did it again. This time it felt good. And again. Why doesn't it hurt? One more time. I looked down at my wrist covered in blood with multiple fresh wounds now. I mentally blacked out I wasn't thinking straight my breath quickening as I quickly placed my entire arm under the water wincing in the process, I washed my arm and got out I couldn't stay in there any longer. I've messed up again. Why do I keep making mistakes. I'm sorry.

This story is not canon at all!
Thank you for reading (please make suggestions on what I should do next PLEASE)
1015 words!!!