Just a doll , Charlotte TNN angst

Chapter 4

Title: monster

Warnings: SH, overthinking , self degrading

Charlottes PoV: -the next day-

I couldn't sleep last night. The silence was terrifying although admitting that as a 36 year old was absolutely ridiculous it truly was. Once again just as yesterday , the day before that , last week , for the past 10 years it's 6:53 and I've just arrived at the nursery. I continued as I usually would I went through the front door , I put my stuff in it's designated area before heading towards the room to greet Carly , just as I always had except , this time I didn't.. Mia was in the room instead I looked baffled to see her there. She turned to look at me probably seeing me staring. "do you want a picture sweetheart?" No she definitely saw me staring. "No thank you, sorry" I apologised mentally hitting myself for being so rude.

The day continued on it wasn't all that bad , Mia wasn't nagging me , she didn't speak all that much , the children were somewhat behaved , i couldn't concentrate that much I was tired. I looked at the clock and noticed it was my lunch. I sighed lunch then only 1 hour to go , the nursery was closing early today and luckily none of the parents were throwing hissy fits about it. I finished cleaning the children's table before turning around seeing Mia reading to the children. "I'm going to take my lunch , I'll be back in 30" I mouthed to her. She smiled and nodded back , it was that smile again. I left the room before I starred at her too long.

Marjorie's PoV:

I was cussing myself out feeling absolutely terrible for Char. I'd put her with the cruelest woman on earth! I was waiting for her to walk past the office so I could apologise for the trouble I've caused her. I noticed her walking past in her own little trance , I gleamed seeing her coming out unharmed. I quickly grabbed her arm pulling her into the office. She winced? "Sorry did I pull you to hard then?" I questioned she just nodded. "What did you need me for Marjorie?" She said softly , I always loved that about Char her soft sweet voice. "I just wanted to apologise for putting you in the same room as Mia! Has she hurt you? She better not off because I swear-" I was cut off. "Marjorie I'm fine she hasn't done anything , she's been nice today" I looked at Char worried. "She's been nice... oh my god we need you to switch rooms who knows what that...." I paused thinking of an insult. "Witch! Is planning to do to you!" I worried even more I didn't want Mia to get into Chars head. "Marjorie I will be fine!" She insisted. "No Charlotte she's a cruel creature!"

Charlottes PoV:

I froze the word creature pelting through my head , creature... that's what.. If- before I could think anymore Marjorie spoke "she won't be in the rooms tomorrow please go home I'll send autumn into the rooms. I can't have that monster hurt you!" She rambled on , I just nodded. I couldn't speak. I didn't want to. I thought back it 3 weeks ago. He called me those words. I shouldn't think so kindly of her. Am I also really a monster? I took a liking to her.. Ben was right. "I'll see you tomorrow" I mumbled walking out Marjorie waving goodbye to me.

Charlottes PoV: -when she got home-

I couldn't think straight. I went to the bathroom. I was alone again. The kids are back tomorrow. Hopefully then I'll have some peace. But. Right now? I can't find it. It's like no one wants me to be happy. I don't deserve to be. I thought Mia was truly a nice person? Maybe I'm just that much of a monster I think other monsters are nice. I looked on the counter the razor was still sat there from 2 nights ago. My breath quickened , I picked it up. I knew doing this was wrong. I could speak to someone , I could. But I can't. It'd be wrong of me. I'd be even more of a monster. I rolled my sleeve up. Putting my own troubles onto someone else? I undid my poorly done bandages. Even thinking I could speak to someone would be heartless. Everyone has there own stuff going on. I sliced my arm , this time I winced it hurt unlike last time. I didn't care. I deserved it. I'm a monster. I did it again, and again, and again. I did it over and over until my arm was covered in blood. I deserved this. All I am is a monster. It was cruel of me to do this to my family , it was cruel of me to betray Marjorie and think I could accept Mia. I'm not a good friend. Tears poured down my face as I fell down to the floor. My arm was aching. I couldn't do this. What was wrong with me.

I hope this is good enough ://
849 words!!