Insane Asylum escapees!

Super Duper Fertilizer

Harry stared.

Ollivander stared back. Then he gave a big grin.

"I was wondering when I'd be seeing you in here Mr. Potter," he said. Harry raised an eyebrow. "It seems like it was just yesterday when I sold your parents their first wands."

"Wands?" Harry asked.

"Yes, wands." Harry turned to Snape.

"More and more people are playing along with this whole 'asylum is a school' thing. And I thought Merlin used a staff."

"I think you're a little too young for a staff," Ollivander said.

"And I think you're a little too old to still be breathing." McGonagall and Dumbledore made strange whining noises and Snape snorted. Ollivander stared at Harry. "Oh sorry," Harry said, grinning, "I thought we were having a 'state the first thing on your mind' contest. I think I won."

Ollivander continued staring at him, then he looked up at Dumbledore, and his eyebrows rose. He shook his head and went through some boxes.

"Here try this one," he said, handing a wand to Harry, "eleven inches, oak, unicorn tail hair."

Harry took the wand, and looked at it for few seconds. He then poked the wand box with it.

FWOOSH!

The box erupted into flames.

"Definitely not," Ollivander said, taking it back and handing him another one. "Twelve and a half inches, mahogany, dragon heartstring."

Harry took the wand, and, looking rather hopeful, poked Dumbledore with it. Nothing happened for a few seconds, and then a flower started growing on Dumbledore's head, pushing his hat off in the process.

"No, not that one either," Ollivander said, taking it back and handing him yet another wand. "Try this one. Eleven inches, holly, phoenix feather."

Harry took the wand. It felt warm, and Harry was pretty sure he could feel a breeze – there must be a fan somewhere, or a window open.

"That's the one!" Ollivander said, ringing them up. "Have a nice day!" The group left the wand shop to continue down the road. "If that's our savior, we're all doomed."

Back with the group of four, McGonagall was surprised to find out that Harry still didn't believe in magic.

"And how do you explain the box catching fire?" she asked.

"Ollivander probably had a hidden lighter that we couldn't see," Harry answered.

"And the flower?"

"Super Duper Fertilizer. I use it all the time on my Aunt's garden. The flowers pop right up," Harry said, before turning to Dumbledore. "What possesses you to carry fertilizer and flower seeds around in your hat? That just proves you're insane." Dumbledore blinked in confusion, before popping a lemon drop in his mouth.

This boy was just too much.