Insane Asylum escapees!

Not the Brightest Pea in the Pod

"Harry," Hermione said, in an exasperated voice that she used quite frequently with him. "The thing on the train was a Dementor, not Black dressed as a Nazgûl."

"Nuh-uh," Harry said. "What's a Dementor anyway?"

"A magical creature that makes the area around it really cold and sucks the happiness out of people," Blaise answered.

"Magic isn't real, so there can't be such things as magical creatures." Lupin, along with many of the other Gryffindors and Slytherins in the room watched as the three of them argued. It was the first Defense class after Snape stepping in for Lupin. Well, it was the first Defense class period for Harry, who had skipped all the other ones. Hermione had forced him to come to this one.

"Then how do you explain the drop in temperature and the…the…"

"Happiness suckage," Blaise supplied.

"Yes, the happiness suckage," Hermione said, before giving Blaise a strange look and mouthing the word 'suckage'. Blaise shrugged.

"Hmm…maybe it was a real Nazgûl!"

"It wasn't a Nazgûl; it was a Dementor!"

"Same difference." Hermione looked about ready to commit murder.

"I thought the Nazgûl couldn't die," another Muggleborn Gryffindor said. "You're rock killed one."

"No. The Nazgûl can't be killed by any man, or so they claim," Hermione said.

"And Mr. Rock is a rock, not a man," Harry added.

"But you call it Mr. Rock, so it's a man-rock," Hermione said, "therefore it could not have killed the thing were it an actual Nazgûl, so it wasn't a Nazgûl, it was a Dementor." Hermione looked smug, as if daring Harry to contradict her.

"But…Mr. Rock isn't a man-rock, it's a girl-rock."

"Then why do you call it Mr. Rock?" Blaise asked.

"Because I let Dudley name it."

"Dudley?"

"My cousin."

"The one that makes Crabbe and Goyle look like geniuses?"

"That'd be the one."

"Oh." The bell rang. Lupin let out a sigh of relief.

"Class dismissed." Only Hermione stayed behind.

"Professor, can I talk to you in private?"

"Of course, Ms. Granger," Lupin said, directing her towards his office. "Tea?"

"Yes, please." Lupin set about getting them both a cup of tea. "As you can probably tell, Harry's not the…brightest pea in the pod."

"I believe the phrase you're looking for Ms. Granger is 'completely bonkers'."

"Yes, well, despite his…unique view on life…Harry is my best friend. In fact, he's probably my only one. Blaise and I are barely acquaintances. Being my only friend, I feel rather protective of him at times."

"I fail to see where this is going, Ms. Granger," Lupin said in confusion.

"I'll get to the point then. Professor Quirrell was possessed by Voldemort and tried to kill him, Professor Lockhart tried to wipe his and Ron's memories and put them in a mental institution, and the two of them were human. You're a werewolf. I want to make sure you're not going to eat Harry. I'm father fond of him."

Lupin choked on his tea, and Hermione thought it looked like he was trying not to laugh.

"Ms. Granger…I have no intentions of eating Harry, or any of the students for that matter."

"Good, because if you tried to, they wouldn't be enough pieces of you for them to find," Hermione gave him a grin, grabbed her things, and headed for the door. "Thank you for the tea professor." Snape found him in his office a few minutes later, still staring at the door, slack-jawed.

"What the hell is wrong with you Lupin?" he asked, setting Lupin's potion down in front of him. Lupin let out a whine. Snape looked at the clock and sighed. "Potter showed up for class today didn't he?" Lupin nodded. Snape patted him on the head. "Don't worry, you'll get used to him." Snape left the room, leaving a still stunned Remus Lupin behind.

"It's not him I'm worried about," Lupin whispered, shaking his head to snap him out of his daze.