rinse and repeat | lil peep

10

gus' pov 

"are you mad at me?" maddie asked me, her face evoking genuine panic. i had no idea why she would think that i was, we were just laying in bed. "no, why?" i asked her. 

"i don't know you just seemed quiet. i thought i did something" she shrugged. since her hospital dischargee, which was only about three days ago she'd been very meek, and mild. not just towards me, but everything.

the most lively she'd been the whole time is when i was fucking her. 

"you didn't do anything, we're just chilling" i reassured. 

her relief was instantly seen, i remember what the doctor had told me about her using us having a relationship as a surface level of happiness and gratification instead of actually working on improving her psychiatric status. 

i thought it was all bullshit then but i guess i could kind of see what he meant now. 

she wasn't my girlfriend but obviously we'd crossed the line of friends. i liked maddie, i just feel like i didn't know her at all yet. knowing somebody between the four walls of a psych ward is a lot different than knowing them in life. there's no control variables in the outside, sometimes people are a completely different person when exposed back into the tragedies of daily life.

i was no better than her really, i liked having her around because she filled a void for me, it was nice to not have to be so lonely all the time. it's even better that she's hot and lets me hit. she didn't know me that well either, only the parts i wanted her to know. maybe we were both just using each other as a temporary boost of serotonin, or maybe she would be my forever girl.

whatever was between us suited my needs for the time being.  i felt a little bad, like i was being an asshole for feeling this way. i remember seeing her for the first time, basically willing to take a bullet for her and trying to seek a genuine connection. 

something about being home just made me fall back into my toxic mindset about everything. i just didn't care, all i wanted to do was get high. 

but just now i was realizing that maybe she was my lifeline, if she stayed around and i kept her around all i had to do was try and feel how i felt about her when we first met. 

"im sorry" i said, noticing i had really zoned out into my own thoughts. i put my arm over her, so at least it seemed like i was paying attention even if i'd zoned out. "it's alright, is everything okay?" she asked.

"just thinking too much" i replied, "we think too much" she sighed. 

"let me help" she added. her hand slowly adventuring over to my dick, softly. rubbing it through my jeans. she kept teasing me, my growing boner becoming uncomfortably tight in my pants. 

i guided her hand to unbutton my jeans, her soft hand wrapped around my cock, sending shivers down my spine before she'd hardly even touched me.

"suck it baby" i encouraged. she placed her tongue on the base of my cock, licking it up to the tip before slipping in her mouth. 

i put my hand on the back of her head, tangling my hand up in her ponytail. i gently pushed her head down a little further, "you can take it all baby, relax" 

i felt my dick slip back further, hitting the back of her throat while she blew me. "good girl, you're doing so good" i praised her. 

i pushed her head with a touch more force, causing her to gag a little. i liked that she let me get a little rough with her. "look at me baby" i told her, her blue eyes gazed up at me, her waterline brimmed with tears from the intensity. 

"you look so pretty sucking my dick like that baby, don't stop" i encouraged, feeling on the edge of an orgasm. 

"keep looking at me baby" i told her. she looked at me with big eyes and hollow cheeks, she was so hot it was almost impossible to last. 

"fuck mads, i'm gonna cum. open baby" i instructed, shooting my cum onto her tongue and across her face. "that's a good girl" i praised as she swallowed. 

"here, stay still" i said, grabbing a random t shirt to wipe off her face. "thank you" she told me.

"can i stay the night again?" she asked, she'd only been home for one night since she was out. 

"yeah of course" i told her, welcoming her back to my side in bed.