𝗧𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗜𝘁 (𝘚𝘢𝘱𝘯𝘢𝘱)

𝗧𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲

Dear Sapnap,

I can't believe you told the world about me. How you miss me. How you miss us. I take it that's supposed to be my sign to write more letters. You're wish is my command. Although you sneaky bastard, that clever little loophole of not mentioning my name was smart. I'll give you that. You've managed to keep the mystery alive while still keeping me tethered to you. Now I'm forced to continue letters for as long as you demand them. You know I want to write them anyway. You know everything I've got to share.  Every feeling, every fear, every little thing I haven't said out loud. Somehow, even without my name being spoken, I feel more exposed than ever. Like the whole world is watching this little dance between us, and I'm not sure if I should be afraid or excited. Maybe both.

But I miss you too. More than I can put into words. And even though things are complicated and a little messy right now, I wouldn't trade what we have for anything. I'll keep writing, just like you want me to. Because I can't help myself when it comes to you. You've always been and will probably always be my weakness. My soft spot. The reason I would do anything.

I can't help but feel guilty now. I never considered how you would feel in the past few letters I've sent. I guess I just assumed that our breakup didn't affect you. I just assumed you never had feelings for me but maybe I'm wrong. Please prove me wrong. I would give my whole body and soul to be wrong just this once. That maybe part of you did love me. That part of you wanted me as badly as I had wanted you. That part of you still wants to kiss me as badly as I do.

I think about us a lot, you know that. I'm so redundant in these but I can't help it. I thought about how you would go date Lilith for so long and after hearing you talk about me; I've come to realize. You would never date her. Part of me wants to think it's because she would never be me but with what you said during the breakup I know it isn't the truth.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I spent so long being jealous I lost myself, and once again you are the reason I found who I am again. So, thank you, Nick, you always do so much for me without realizing it. It's what you have always done. Been so flawlessly perfect, at least in my eyes. Anyways I'll write another letter once I know you've got this one. Next time I guess I should bring up what happened with all our friends once we split up. I'm sure you are slightly curious about Thomas, Maya, Tate, and Gigi. 

I would be if I were you at least. I'll give you a spoiler, none of us are friends anymore. Who's surprised because I wasn't, and I'm still not surprised. Have a good day Nick, I love you and miss you more than anything.

Love always,

Taylor