Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

V

"Snakes," Astrid asked as she and Delia inspected two bright red snakes that had arrived.

"Actually, they're asps," Delia corrected. "Aren't they beautiful?"

    "Wedding gift for Rory?" Astrid asked, causing Delia to chuckle.

    "Too late," Delia said. "They've been defanged. Guaranteed harmless. And they're for me. In ancient Egypt, a queen would perform a ceremony at the tomb of her pharaoh using snakes, a symbol of undying love."

    "Are you sure about that?" Astrid asked. "We read that they were a constant threat to Ra in the underworld and represented total chaos."

    "Okay," Delia said as Lydia ran towards them from the attic, "see, that's why schools need more art and less reading."

    "You got your wish," Lydia said to Astrid. "We're leaving. School, pack up your things. I'm driving you back to school."

    "Wait, what happened?" Astrid asked, unaware of her mother's visit with the trickster up in the attic.

    "You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Lydia answered before turning to Delia. "I will pay for a fleet of movers to take everything back to Manhattan except that model. We need to chop it up and burn it."

    "Oh, you're calling off the wedding?" Delia asked as she followed Lydia out of the room and onto the porch. When they were alone, she asked, "What did that cheese ball do now?"

    "It's not Rory," Lydia answered. She mouthed the word "Beetlejuice" as she continued. "He's here in the model. I saw him. Rory saw him too, but he thinks it's a dream."

    "Wait, we can't leave yet," Astrid said as she walked up to the two older Deetz women. "I have plans tomorrow with Cooper and another boy I met."

    "How did you have time to meet not one but two boys?" Lydia asked in confusion, thinking her daughter was about to become part of a threesome.

    "You had time to get married," Astrid pointed out.

    "She doesn't mean it," Delia said. "It's just karma."

    "Whatever," Astrid said. "I was biking, and then I kind of crashed into the second boy's fence, and Cooper followed me, helped make sure I was all right, and we started talking, and then Cooper invited us to his house on Halloween, but Jeremy said it would be better if we did it at his house. Can I go, Mom? Please?"

    Later, Delia had finished boarding and locking up the door to the attic as she said, "I will not allow that menace to humanity to up-heme our family again. No one goes in there. No one calls his name." She then turned to Lydia and asked, "We're gonna be fine, right?"

    "Mom, come on," Astrid called up from downstairs. "We're gonna be late."

—

"Mom, I can't believe you," Cooper said as his mother ridiculed him with questions over the phone. "She's just a friend. It's not a date. There's gonna be a third boy there." He then shouldered his golf bag as the conversation continued.

    "Yeah. No, you're right. I should've asked you first. I'll be fine. No one's going to mug me. I got my sports stuff, and Astrid said her mom would drive us. No, I'm not asking Mrs. Deetz if she knows Hugh Jackman." Just then, the door knocked. "Okay, I gotta go. Have a good date. Why would I need protection? Bye-bye, mother of mine."

    Hanging up the phone, Cooper answered the door and saw Astrid standing there wearing an old white dress with makeup to make her look like a zombie bride. Hanging over her shoulders was a blue cloak and her hair was tied in a tight bun in the back. She looked creepy, but in a beautiful way.