girls! ✩ p. bueckers

3. just confused

Some people say that you shouldn't be friends with your exes. And sure, that's probably the best idea for your own sanity. Unfortunately I seem to be lacking common sense or like to hurt myself because here I am, having breakfast with Gabby.

She wanted to get together before I left and of course I said yes.

There aren't many people I let into my life. That I let know my personal business, but she's one of the few.

I remember a time when things were effortless for us. We'd go out to eat, come back home, then go play basketball together.

That all changed when she left to play for France.

Sure, she wanted to try long distance but with the whole different time zone, separated by a body of water definitely made me say no.

Of course I wish we could go back to the time when we were together. Honestly I would give a lot to revert back to how we were. I don't think I could really handle it again though if things went bad. Or when she ends up going back overseas. It's inevitable at this point.

The waitress comes over and sets our coffees and breakfast down.

I snap back to the conversation we were having and realize that she's been watching me. I feel my cheeks heat up and I furrow my brows at her.

She just grins a little and takes a sip of her drink.

"What's that look for?" I ask.

"Nothing. You just get that cute little line on your forehead when you concentrate."

My cheeks have got to be super red right now. There's only ever been one person to make me genuinely blush. And she's sitting in front of me.

"Shut up. If you're going to make fun of me then I'll just take my breakfast to go."

Her smile immediately drops from her face and I smirk at that.

"I'm glad you decided to come back to Seattle." I tell her.

"Me too. I've missed you, Daisy."

I sigh and take a bite of my bacon.

"It was hard when you left."

There's more I want to say but I bite my tongue. We've been beating around the bush for so long.

"I know. It was hard for me too, you know. I thought we were going to do long distance and suddenly reality hit. If I could do it all over again I would."

I think over her words and it's been what I've dreamed of hearing for the past year. My eyes drop to the table.

Sometimes I wonder why life has to be so complicated. Why can't it be simple?

"Gabby, I've been wanting to hear that for so long but it doesn't fix the heartache you left me with. Jewell literally had to pick the pieces left of me up. It was hard to sleep, eat, even playing basketball wasn't the same at first."

And just like that, everything I've been wanting to tell her has slipped out in simplified terms.

Her eyes look apologetic and I have to look away.

Her hand reaches over on the table and rests on mine. I should probably pull back but I don't.

My skin tingles as her thumb gently rubs the top of my hand. I've missed the small comforts like these.

"There's nothing I can say that will fix that. I know I can never earn your trust back but please know I love-loved you." She clears her throat. "I want the best for you and now that I'm here I'm not leaving."