The Choice

5) Aurora

I sit in the living room staring at the phone as if it'll grow a pair of hands and legs.

"Um, are you okay?" Nour asks as she entering the kitchen and opening the freezer. I look up at her, I have to tell someone. I have to tell her, but she'll be mad I didn't tell her when stuff happened. "I have something to tell you." I tell her then purse my lips, she raises a delicate brow, "finally?" she quips as she closes the freezer door and rounds the counter plopping an ice cream in my lap as she sits next to me unwrapping hers.

Meaning: fess up.

I unwrap mine as I look at her wearily, "promise you won't be mad I didn't tell you." She narrows her eyes, "I know you are hiding something, speak girl." I smile taking a bite as I say, "I'm kind of with someone." Her eyes do a little round then focuses back on me as she nods for me to go on. I smile and say nothing, but I grab for my phone and I show her a photo of me and Omer both smiling at the camera with his arm around my neck.

Her eyes widen as she experiences the cultural shock she gets every time she's surprised. "Girl, who's this cutie? God, tell me you guys are together." I smile and nod, "He's the mentor boss I told you about, name's Omer and somehow yes we are, we still are not in a serious relationship."

"How could you not be with this man?! his he arrogant? Egotistic? He doesn't look like that, but is he delaying the relationship?" she shoots questions, "um, no, no and no. In fact I'm the problem in this, he wants us together, but I- Shit!" I curse as a pillow hit me in the face smearing ice cream all over my face and chin. "Nour!" "Shut up!" I laugh as I try to clean the mess on my face, she leans forward and picks up a tissue to help me. "I just don't want to hurt his feelings. I want to be certain when I'm with him. That's all." I tell her as she looks at me then nods, "tell me everything."

I take a deep breath, "I don't know how or when it happened, Nour. I just went from not tolerating him to being head over heels in love with him, except that I didn't tell him that yet." I grimace, but go on.

"So, I take it he confessed that he has feelings for you?" she asks and I nod, "and I fucked it up, totally." Her features soften as she holds my hand, if anything Nour is the person who gets me and if she didn't, she just holds me till I get better. I remember that night when I went to her and cried my heart out because someone left me for the hundredth time. She perfectly handled it like she always does.

I continue, "he told me he loves me. You know I was certain that I loved him too. He did miraculous things to my soul." She smiles, "what did he do, this Mister?" I smile as I recall our moments, "he just reached out, Nour. For her." I place my hand on my chest, "he took her hand and held her, shielding her from the ugly world and just like that she slept not caring about anything." I look at my hands in my lap, I laugh "God, he jumped in the water after me because I fell from a yacht."

Her eyes widen as she covers her mouth, "we definitely need another ice-cream." I raise a brow, "Yes, other than the one you smeared all over my face." She gives me a side eye, "After what you said, you deserve it. I'll go get another two."

We spend the whole day like that with her listening and me catching up with her and telling her about my past year. "Girl, I can't believe you didn't tell me all of this, it's a month already and I was in front of you! We literally slept in the same room." she exclaims, "I just didn't know how to tell you, I felt like a whole wreck when I came back. I want to be with him, but something is wrong with me. He assured me that he'll wait and we talk all the time. I am working towards that too; to be better." I feel at loss for words "then what's wrong?" she asks concerned, I look at her, "What's wrong is that I want to be better for him, that's wrong, it'll harm him the most, you know why?" she shakes her head. "Because when we get better just for other people, we are deceiving them and ourselves and suddenly the cycle happens again and we lose them with a piece of ourselves too. "I pause then I look at her, "I know Omer will be affected in a horrible way if this happened. Omer with everyone is the cold grumpy uncaring blah blah person, but I saw another whole side of him. He chose to show me his vulnerabilities, I cannot trick or hurt this person."

"So, in order to love him truly, to stand with him and face the world together, I have to love myself first. I have to get better for me first so, he'll have real backup not just a girl who tells him 'I love you back'." I sigh through my nose, I look at her she's silent, but in awe. I smile and nod, "Yes, Nour I met my person. I met the person whose encouraging me to get better. To live not just survive and exist."

"Well, he made you a poet too." She laughs when I throw the ice-cream wrap at her. "I saw one of his brothers today." I say mind drifting to today's encounter, "and what will you do about it?" she asks, I shake my head "I have to tell him, Joe didn't seem to know me, but still I have to have Omer alarmed." She nods, "Will you tell him when you go back?"

"No, I'm just waiting for him to wake up. He's sleeping today; insomniac baby like me, but worse he doesn't sleep every day." She makes a cute sound, "you guys are so similar." I smile at that and we continue talking as we prepare lunch together.