Be Mine - Lingorm

Part 57

Orm

"Are you sure?" Mom asks as I step outside my former house, which sooner or later I might or might not come back to live in. It has been a few days now since that incident happened. After going to Kwang, she also told me to listen to Ling, and I, of course, was too hurt to do so, so I went back to my mom.

I nod before leaving. "I am sure."

I haven't told her parents yet about my decision, and I doubt my mom has done it since she is always on the phone whenever she thinks I am asleep. Ling calls every night, I know. My mom assures her and listens to whatever Ling tells her.

That's why she isn't angry at Ling and always asks me to give Ling a chance to explain herself. She wants me to trust Ling, and I don't know how to because I am afraid that my emotions will trigger when I see her again.

Therefore, I go back to our home at night, after intentionally eavesdropping on Mom and Ling's conversation last night. Mom asks her where she is staying at the time, and I happen to know that Ling is at her parents' house all these days. Maybe, she can't tolerate the shadow of my presence in the house as well as I do.

I go inside the car, not before acknowledging Mom's sad expression. My brother is on a business trip, and thanks lord, he's not here. I am afraid he will kill Ling before she even has the time to excuse herself.

It's better if we divorce before he comes back, and I will find a place to live that's not here or near my past. My eyes blur with tears as I vigorously wipe it away, driving off to my old sanctuary. As I step inside, I feel anxious to turn on the light because every corner in this house reminds me of her ...of us.

I enter my beloved bedroom and am about to turn on the light when the cracking sound of the door closing behind me makes me gasp in shock. "Who are you?!"

The light is switched on. Ling's grinning face appears so vividly in front of me. She smiles, but something tells me that it's not genuine. "Finally, you are back home." She steps forward, but I take a step back. She frowns, and I try my best not to give in and fling myself into her slender and strong arms.

I couldn't do it no matter what.

It's still hurt.

Shaking my head, I explain. "I come here to take my stuff and clothes." The pain displays in her eyes and hurts me too.

"Sit. I want to explain myself, and I am sure you will understand. I know you will-"

I sigh, "No. I said I just came to gather my clothes and go back." I walk to the closet, and she blocks my way. "Orm? Is it that serious you can't give me a chance? You don't even listen to me-"

"Ling!" The more she talks, the more I find it hard to confront her. I can't lose. My emotions are so fragile now. I hate myself for acting the way I am, but the past few days have made me afraid that she will leave me like my dad, so I have to do it first. Being left alone by your loved one is so much worse.

She gazes at me intensely, "I feel like I don't know you anymore." Her voice is so daring and fierce, but l ignore her and push her away. This time, I am surprised she isn't stubborn enough to fight back.

I do my best to take my clothes and put them in the suitcase as fast as possible. My eyes unconsciously move to her. She sits on the bed, her head between her hands. "So, this is how you felt?" She asks a nonsense question, and I don't know how to respond as she continues. "I guess, I deserve it after all. The way I treated you indifferently when we were first married. It's so hurtful to be ignored, and worst of all, not trusted by your loved one. I am sorry if that's what made you act this way to me. But, Orm, isn't it enough? My friends, my parents, and even your mom ask me to give you time, and I do as I was told. Can you sit here and listen to me first before you leave?".

"He asked me to give him a chance. A few times, Por. But he still chose her."I shake my head, stopping myself from giving in to her. Every time, I am about to be back with her; the voice inside my head haunts me and makes me lose all of my courage to give myself a chance to get back to my love.

 "I can't."Orm! What's wrong with you? Can you just listen to me without doing anything for even five minutes? For fuck sake, I haven't done anything wrong. You accused me and left. You are so fucking selfish." She shouts. Her jaw tightly clenches in anger, and I am just a coward who ignores reality, zipping my suitcase before leaving. But, before I do, Ling has to say something that hurts me so much to the point where I don't know what to do anymore.

 "You will regret it because you will remind yourself of someone you don't want to be." She talks about my dad, I know.

She compares me to him even though I am not the one who cheats on her and leaves, but I have nothing to complain about anymore. She can say whatever she wants because deep down, I know she is hurt as much as I do.

I grab the doorknob and walk outside.

"You will fucking regret, Orm Kornnaphat! For the rest of your life. Tell me when you are ready, and I will sigh your divorce paper as soon as possible. I will do what you want, so you can regret it later. Blame yourself. Torment yourself. Like I do every night without you."

Her last sentence is like a bullet shoots at my heart.

That day, I leave.

I hope you will be the happy one, and I will surely regret it for the rest of my life like you said.