Orm
I walk slowly or rather horrifyingly to the white room that has my love in there. She hasn't fully awakened yet, but the fact that she called my name first thing when she was not even fully conscious yet warms my heart. Everyone grants me a second chance, but I have to admit that I don't know if she can forgive me for all the things I have done when she is fully recovered.
Will she hate me when she sees my face? When she sees the one who left her alone without even glancing back?
Mom pats me on the back before l enter the dreadful room and see Ling in the worst condition I have ever seen. Her right hand and head are bandaged as she breathes calmly. I gradually pace to her side after closing the door behind me. "Ling." I choke a sob, feeling a lump in my throat when I realize that it's all my fault.
"I am sorry." Grabbing her uninjured hand, I intertwine it with mine. She feels so cold, and I do my best to warm her. I want to be beside her, to look after her this time, but I don't know if I can bear looking at the thing I have caused to my wife.
"I love you. I don't want you to be in that state. Sometimes, I even want you to hate me instead of loving me when our love causes so much pain to you. I don't want you to get hurt because l also hurt when you hurt. And, I was just stupid enough to not see it. I am sorry," My tears fall, and my vision blurs with hot tears.
Suddenly, Ling's fingers grip mine I gasp in shock when her eyes open. "Ling," I smile, about to leave, "I am calling the doctor," She shakes her head more, and I do my best not to scold her. "Lisa, don't use a lot of force. You will hurt yourself,''
I slump back down on the chair beside her bed as my tears continue to fall on their own, seeing that finally my wish is granted, and Ling is back to me. But, the thought that I could potentially hurt her in the future upsets me more to the point that I can't help but destroy myself again. I shake my head, looking at Ling's smiling face.
Why does she need to smile when she lost her life because of me?
Why doesn't she hate me for that?
Why doesn't she ask me to fuck off and sign a divorce paper and get rid of me?
So many questions form in my head as I desperately grab her hand in mine, needing to feel her skin against mine for the last time. Because after this, she might not want me anymore. "Ling, I am sorry,"
She frowns, narrowing her eyes. "Why do you need to say it so many times? I have already heard it."
"And?" I ask.
She laughs sarcastically, "You want me to forgive you?" I nod hesitantly, not sure if she wants to give me a chance or not. My heart crashes when she shakes her head, and that's the clue for me to pull out the divorce paper from my bag whether I want it or not. I created this pain, and I have to endure it alone even for the rest of my life, and it's okay.
"I know I have hurt you, Ling. But, please give me a moment to say this to you." I calmly state. My hands tremble as I take the paper, placing it on my lap before showing it to Ling. She nods with an inscrutable expression. She might want to get it over with and ask me politely to leave her alone, given the fact that Ling doesn't have the guts to hurt me as I hurt her.
"Orm Kornnaphat, I am sorry. I hurt you. It's so stupid to say that again and again even though I know that no matter what I do, you will not forgive me, or worse forget what I have done to you. But, I love you. I love your seriousness and your silliness. Your intelligence and also your craziness. "I laugh without humor, looking down at my lap before continuing because nothing is funny anymore when you are about to get divorced, right? Especially, it's solely because of you who created the havoc.
"Anyway, I love everything about you. I have never said this enough to you, but Ling, I appreciate your value and love towards me. I am so stupid to cause this pain to you because I couldn't get rid of my past even though I know that you wouldn't cheat on me. You wouldn't cause me any pain. You wouldn't hurt me on purpose. I came here to beg you for a chance, but..." I burst into tears. I feel mortified right now.
I can't even look at Ling in her eyes because my eyes blur with tears, and who am I to act so dramatic in front of her when I am the reason for the mayhem?
"Ling, I know you hate me, but I want you to know that I will regret it for the rest of my life for what I have done. Anyway, I will leave you if that's what you want now, and I have nothing to complain about because I was the one who wanted this." I finally look at her and she stares at me without any expression.
The next thing she does makes me feel more pain than I've already had in my entire life because I will lose her forever.
"Give me the paper, I will sign. And, please stop crying like l am the one who wants this." Her eyes land on my lap before she grips the dreadful paper out of my hands and asks for a pen. I want to deny that I don't have a pen so that she doesn't have to do it right now. I want to have a few minutes to run outside before she could do it in front of me, but there has to be a fucking pen on the table next to her hospital bed.
Who the fuck put the pen here, anyway?
Her signature is on it faster than I have thought as I look at it with dread and fear.
The horrible realization that l am no longer Orm Kwong hits me hard to the point where l feel so numb.
And, what am I now?
Orm without a soul.
That's correct.
YOU ARE READING
Be Mine - Lingorm
Fanfiction"You want a wife this much, huh? That's why you are just back from England, yet got married instantly." She sits on the sofa, her head on her hands, looking so elegant and intimidating. . . . . This is new story for Lingorm.
