Be Mine - Lingorm

Part 58

Orm

Three months later...

After the hurtful encounter with Ling, I didn't go back to my mom or even to Kwang's, I flight to Ko Samui, staying in a small town since then. The place where I loved to be when I was young. The younger me and my dad, my mom, and my brother had been there all the time when it was Christmas, and all other holidays when my dad wasn't working.

I didn't want to be back here; it already tortured me enough to see the shadow of my past. But what's the point of going to either place when I know that my mom would be disappointed in me for being so stubborn and cruel to Ling like a childish woman? And, Kwang would be upset because she doesn't want us to be separated.

Mario is Ling's best friend. That's one of the reasons.

Not wanting my mom to be anxious about me, I informed her of my location but begged her not to tell Ling as if she would try to find me again. This time, I am sure Ling won't put up with me anymore. That's also absurd to warn her not to give Ling any clue of where l am because she won't ask about me anyway.

My tears fall subconsciously. I know what I have done is wrong. Her words still ring in my head most nights, and that's why I couldn't have the divorce paper sent to her as she wanted. I know she's hurt, and I need some time, to think, and heal my emotional pain.

Furthermore, I am such a coward to even deserve her.

Becky called me and explained to me everything after I arrived in Ko Samui and asked me to be back with Ling, but I didn't. She blames herself for a disaster in our family, but I blame myself most. For not believing in our love. Not believing in Ling, and mostly in us when Ling trusts me with all of her heart and heals me in any possible way she can.

Yet, all she gets is the coward running away from her without glancing back at who we used to be, and how we were happy when we were together.

I gaze at the sky pensively. I have to say that after all this time, I still love Ling and miss her so much. The thing is I am afraid to run back to her. I am scared that she's already in somebody's arms.

She's good in every possible way, and I abandoned her like she's not worth it.

During that time, I am alone. I have learned a lot of things. One thing for sure is I need to move on from the past to even live. I needn't compare what I have been through in the past to the unknown of the future. I need to be brave enough to live up to my loved one. Sadly, I don't even know if she's still with me or not, and I have no right to blame her even if she doesn't.

Time is all I need. Now that I have learned my lessons. I can't have both. I move on from the past, and I have no idea if I should be prepared to move on again from the only person that I have grown up to love and cowardly left her like a piece of shit.

I stand up, wiping my tears away.

It's time now. It's a fight or flight solution, and this time I don't want to fly anymore.

If she wants me away, I will give her the right to do so because I can't always have her deal with my pain and hurt herself along the way, but I won't stay here for the rest of my life, hiding and running away from my problem all the time.---I walk into the place, my old sanctuary, feeling anxious. My anxiety almost triggers when it looks the same without even changing. She kept our house the same way before, and it hurts to see that she still hasn't moved on from me, whereas I live in a faraway place for ninety days, crying most nights, not realizing that my wife lives in agony as well. The word tastes bitter in my mouth because I come here with a divorce paper. Maybe, this is the last time, I could call her that.

"Orm, are you?"

I glance back to see Bow and Rati standing in the center of the house, holding bags of clothes and stuff as I frown in confusion. "Why are you coming here?" Bow asks a bit angry as her wife grabs her hand to calm her down.

"I want to give Ling freedom." They frown as I hand them the divorce paper. Bow laughs, "Can't believe you still think my best friend isn't hurt enough, and you need to give her some fuel to put off the fire. Maybe, to kill her now, if you will."

"Bow! Enough." Rati scolds her wife and then apologetically looks at me in sadness. "Orm, whatever you want to do now. Can you not do it right now? Give Ling some time. She is not...well." My face goes pale at her hesitation and despair.

I take a few steps towards them, "What's wrong with her?"

"You needn't know. If you want to divorce that much, give me the paper. I will ask her to sign when God grants her last chance to live." Bow looks down, her eyes gleaming with tears.

At that time, I pray to every magical thing in the world and god: please don't take Ling's life away from me. "Rati, can you tell me what happened?" I know Rati also feels upset about me, but she seems to want to understand me more than Bow. And, I thank her for that because I won't know anything if she is persistently kicking me away like her wife. I am okay with that, but the next thing she tells me won't be okay. It's cruel to hear.

"Ling is in an operation room now. She got into a car accident yesterday. The police said she was drunk and drove around the city, which we haven't known yet why she desired to do like that at midnight."

Her eyes show despair and pain.

My heart shattered into pieces because I knew the reason why Ling went to find me.

I am the reason, and she might die because of me.