IMAGINES: LOKI x READER

Now and Forever

I was enduring the toughest time of my life when everyone thought I was perfectly fine. I kept smiling, laughing, going on missions with the Avengers, joking with Tony about Thor and Cap, inventing funny new nicknames for them, and having deep, philosophical conversations over a glass of wine with Natasha in the evenings. I was the only one to blame for no one knowing about my condition. No one knew and couldn't know, because even when I was alone, I wouldn't allow myself to shed a tear, scream into a pillow, or curl up on the bed and howl like a wounded animal. I didn't allow myself to be human. I just clenched my fists harder and gritted my teeth. I was drowning, and I didn't want to ask my friends for help, believing that saving a drowning person was solely their own responsibility.

And today, I finally broke. I had held everything inside for so long, endured so much, and pretended for so long that I didn't even notice when the last drop fell into the lake of my patience, shattering the dam without mercy.

It was a hot July day - Captain America's birthday, or rather Steve's. The party downstairs was already in full swing, while I stood in my room in front of a large mirror, trying to draw those damned eyeliner arrows on my eyes. I just couldn't get them right because my hands were trembling. All the tension and pain that had been building up inside me for weeks, and months, without finding release, were manifesting physically, making it impossible for me to control my own body. I was so angry with myself, with the eyeliner, with the party, with life and everything around me, that I didn't notice someone knock on my door, then quietly open it and enter.

In the reflection of the mirror, I saw Loki, and my hand twitched, leaving an uneven black line from my eye down to my cheekbone. He stood there, calm, with an unreadable expression, but his eyes were laughing. Tall, handsome, broad-shouldered, and incredibly attractive, he stood behind me. Why did fate have to be so cruel and send the one person whose very presence made my heart betray me - speeding up my pulse and stealing my breath - right at this moment? He didn't know about my feelings for him, and he certainly had no idea about the pain that was consuming me alive. I would have gladly kept everything a secret, but my hands kept trembling, the eyeliner arrows wouldn't come out right, and Loki stood behind me, looking magnificent, his mischievous eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Enough!" I shouted, turning around, and hurled the eyeliner at Loki with all my strength.

Tears burst from my eyes. I couldn't suppress the desperate sob, collapsing helplessly to the floor and covering my face with my hands.

"Stupid eyeliner!" I cried through my tears, though the eyeliner was far from the real issue. Life itself was torturing me, and I couldn't tell anyone about it.

The next second, I felt a man kneel beside me and pull me into a hug, pressing my face into his broad chest. That made me sob even harder, completely letting go. I might have deafened Loki with my crying, but he didn't show it, didn't even flinch. Instead, he held me even tighter and kissed the top of my head, gently stroking my trembling back. Who would have thought that the sly, mischievous god, whom Thor had dragged to Earth by force to make him defend the planet with the Avengers, would be comforting me, gently stroking my back and whispering words of solace?

"Hush, my dear," Loki whispered. "Everything will be alright. Do you want me to use my magic to make beautiful arrows for you? Or maybe I can try drawing them myself? Just don't cry."

He kissed my tear-streaked cheek. I clutched his jacket lapels with my fingers, trying to hide. But not from Loki, from life, from the memories that brought nothing but pain.

"They're just arrows. You're beautiful without them. You have such lovely eyes, my dear," Loki tried to soothe me. "Don't cry, darling. We'll fix everything together."

It was so strange to hear these words from him. His voice was gentle, and calming, and I could hear the concern in it. I felt his strong arms, trying to comfort me.

"It's not about the arrows," I sobbed loudly, feeling the man tense.

Loki buried his face in my hair and sighed heavily. Holding me tightly with one arm, with the other, he stroked my trembling back or gently ran his fingers through my blonde hair. With each touch, I felt the tension leave me, the heaviness and pain gradually retreating. Maybe it was Loki's magic, or maybe my suppressed emotions had finally found an outlet. But it didn't matter to me. I just focused on Loki's steady breathing, his touch, and the warmth radiating from him, wrapped in his comforting scent of sandalwood and pine.

Soon, my crying subsided. Tears no longer streamed from my eyes, I no longer trembled, sobbed, or clung desperately to Loki's jacket, trying to hide from reality. But the man didn't rush to let me go. We continued sitting together on the cold floor of my room, holding each other, listening to our hearts as if they were trying to beat in unison.

"I don't know what happened, and I won't ask you to tell me," Loki finally broke the thick silence, still tenderly stroking my hair. "But I want you to know—I'm here for you. Now and forever. You can tell me anything, ask me for anything. I'll kill for you, die for you. I'll do anything you ask to make sure you never cry again, to make you happy."

I bit my lip to stop myself from crying again. Loki's words echoed in my mind, resonating in the deepest corners of my soul. The corners where a scared little girl hid, terrified of her own shadow, fearing she was a monster even to herself.

"Why?" I asked softly.

"Because you're important to me, my dear. My little, beloved girl."

Somewhere in the distance, music was playing. I sat in the arms of the man I loved, wishing he would never let me go. And something told me that he didn't want to let me go either, that he wouldn't, that he would always be there. Always by my side. I smiled weakly and buried my nose somewhere near his neck, causing Loki to moan softly. Then he gently pulled away, took my tear-streaked face in his hands, and looked into my eyes. In his cautious gaze, I saw an unspoken question and slowly nodded.

And he kissed me. So tenderly and softly that my heart ached. His lips caressed mine, the kiss so intoxicating and sensual that I felt it connect not just our lips, but our hearts.

And I realized one thing. I didn't need to pretend to be strong. I didn't need to smile and laugh, pretending everything was fine. I was drowning, and I could ask for help. The foolish decision to always be strong, to be independent in everything, could have destroyed me. I really could have drowned, lost myself forever, not realizing that there were people nearby willing to help, to extend a hand and save me. Loki was near, and all I had to do was allow myself to be weak, and he would instantly be there, offering his shoulder for me to cry on. And for that, I thanked fate, for sending Loki to me today, for making him sense my need and come to me. Maybe someday I'll tell him what happened, what hurt me so deeply, but not today. Today, I'll just allow myself to be weak. Today, I'll stop pretending and just be human. Now and Forever.