YOURS FOREVERMORE

37. WHAT DO WE FEEL?

The room had fallen silent.
Herin hadn't expected anything different, but it was still somehow more awkward than she had thought it would be.

Beomgyu was just looking at her.
His face covered with an expression Herin yet couldn't identify.
Was it pity, was he shocked, sad, or maybe even disgusted?
It definitely wasn't a good expression, but she hadn't expected one from him anyways.

Her story had no typical 'happy end' or no ending normal people would aim for, but it probably had been the best outcome that was possible.
Not that Herin was thankful for anything that had happened to her or to Jia, but both of them were still alive and the professor couldn't even open his eyes. He couldn't move or talk.
All he could do was lying in his hospital bed, hoping he would wake up one day.

„Herin..."
Beomgyu finally managed to say after they had remained silent for about 2 minutes.
She smiled at him.
It was obvious he didn't knew what to say and she didn't expected him to say anything that would make her feel better about it.
It wasn't a good memory, but she couldn't change it.
All she had done was to distance herself from it.

She hadn't cried as she had told her story or was screaming because she was so angry that had happened to her.
Herin had done those things way too much and it never changed anything.
After some time and two weekly therapy sessions for a good year, she had been sick of crying and screaming.

When she told her story now, it didn't feel like hers. It was like a movie she had seen a few years ago. Most things were blurry now.
She still couldn't remember the name of the professor and his face had been empty as well. Maybe she would forget about the awful things he had done, when enough time would pass, but for now, she was just glad to be alive.

„I'm so sorry..."
Beomgyu said, his voice soft and somewhat awkward.
„What are you sorry for?"
She asked, just the way he had asked her after he had told his story.
He shook his head.
„I shouldn't have asked. Talking about it, remembering it. That must've been..."

„Hard?"
Beomgyu nodded.
Herin sighed and leaned onto the table.
„I don't even know if it's hard.
It just feels like there is this wall between me now and my past, as if we were two different people."

She lightly tilted her head.
„It's probably better this way."
Herin nodded, reassuring herself.
„I'm sorry." Beomgyu repeated.
„I really shouldn't have asked."

„Don't be. You didn't force me to tell you, but it was just fair, after you had told me your story."
„Yeah, but mine wasn't as bad as yours."
He looked up at her again, after he had tried to avoid eye contact with her out of pure shame.

„We both almost got killed..."
Herin reminded him and then shrugged with her shoulders.
„I feel like there is no need to compare what the both of us have experienced. Especially when we both almost ended the same way."
Now Beomgyu had a slight smile on his lips as well. „Luckily, we didn't." He said and Herin agreed.

„Are you still in contact with Jia?"
Beomgyu suddenly asked and her mind immediately went back to the last time they had talked.
That they had the same experience had brought them closer together, but they still lived different lives.

About a year later, Jia had left for an art university in London.
Even though her parents covered up what had happened between her and the professor, at least to the people outside of the university, Jia couldn't enter the building without getting reminded of their past.
So London was the solution, while Herin still had to pay of the compensation for the fire.