Don't Blame Me || Jeongcheol

Chapter 31

The days since that night passed slowly. The air between Jeonghan and Seungcheol was tense, filled with unfinished conversations and unspoken apologies. Despite the strained atmosphere, Jeonghan tried to be a more present father to Haneul. He spent time, made sure to give him as much attention as possible.

But the guilt always loomed in the corner of his mind, a constant reminder of his failure as a parent and as a...lover?

Seungcheol kept his distance too, his heart still wounded, his guard still up. But he couldn't help but notice Jeonghan's efforts with Haneul, seeing him spend time and be more attentive with his son. A part of him appreciated it, a part of him still cared, despite the pain.

The tension between them was evident, their conversations limited to the basics that revolved around Haneul.

The nights were the worst, when Jeonghan was alone with his thoughts, unable to escape the reality of his actions. He'd lie there, staring at the ceiling, the echo of Seungcheol's words haunting him. Obsession, misplaced infatuation, not love.

He'd replay their confrontation, their past moments, trying to decipher his feelings, trying to understand what he felt, what he feels. But the more he tried, the more confused he became.

Jeonghan threw himself into the training, trying to distract himself from his inner turmoil. He was a quick learner, taking in the lessons from Joshua and the others.

He began understanding the gang works better, starting small with observation and gathering information. With each task, there was a hint of guilt, a sense of betraying the principles he once lived by. But he pushed on, the need to redeem himself driving him forward.

He watched the others, his eyes taking in their skills, their strategies. He realized he had a knack for strategic planning, his quick wit and observation skills making him a valuable asset in the gang’s dealings.

But every time he executed a task successfully, every time he did something the old Jeonghan would have done, the guilt gnawed at him more and more.

His relationships within the gang were complex too. He was still an outsider in many ways, his past connections and crimes unknown to most. There was a respect for his skills, but also a hint of caution due to his secrets.

But Jeonghan worked hard to earn their trust, completing tasks seamlessly and always offering a helping hand where he could. He yearned to prove his worth not just to the gang, but also to...Seungcheol.

It was as usual Joshua was explaining the dynamics of a certain partnership deal when Jeonghan's mind started to wander. He tried to focus, but the conversation didn't quite register, not with the nagging thoughts in his head.

He nodded at the right places, hummed where necessary, but his attention was elsewhere. It took a second for him to realize Joshua had stopped talking, his gaze scrutinizing Jeonghan.

"You're not really listening." Joshua said, his voice firm. Jeonghan blinked, startled back into the present. He was about to deny it when Joshua raised a hand.

"Don't lie," he said, his tone not unkind but not soft either. "You've been distracted since the first word out of my mouth."

Jeonghan huffed out a sigh, knowing he was caught. "I'm sorry." he mumbled, averting his gaze. "Just...a lot on my mind, I guess."

Joshua didn't respond immediately, just studied Jeonghan for a few moments. The silence seemed to stretch out forever before he finally spoke, his voice measured.

"Is it about Seungcheol?"

Jeonghan flinched, the name like a slap to his face. He knew he couldn't deny it, not to Joshua. He swallowed hard, his hands clenching into fists.