Future Me, Are You Listening?

What does it mean to grow up, and is there a specific moment when it happens?

What does it mean to grow up? I've asked myself this question countless times, especially in moments when life has demanded more from me than I thought I was capable of giving. There's this idea that growing up is something that happens in stages—milestones we're supposed to hit, like getting a driver's license, graduating, landing a first job, or moving out. But is that really what growing up is? Are those the markers that define adulthood, or is there something deeper that happens within us, something we can't measure with events or achievements?

I remember when I was younger, I used to think that growing up was something that just happened to you. Like one day, you'd wake up and suddenly be an adult, like the switch had been flipped, and everything would fall into place. You'd know how to navigate the world, make decisions with confidence, and just be grown up. But now, looking back, I realize it's not that simple. If anything, growing up feels more like a gradual shedding of illusions—a series of moments where the world forces you to see things as they really are, not as you wish them to be.

And it's not a single moment or even a collection of them. Growing up is an ongoing process, something that happens in the quiet spaces between those big milestones, in the choices you make when no one is watching, in the way you learn to carry responsibility, not because you have to, but because you know it's right. It's not about hitting a certain age or achieving a particular thing—it's about how you handle the inevitable shifts in your understanding of yourself and the world around you.

I used to think growing up would feel like crossing a finish line. That there would be a moment where I'd arrive, where I'd have it all figured out, and the uncertainties of youth would dissolve into the clarity of adulthood. But what I've come to realize is that adulthood doesn't come with answers. It comes with more questions, deeper questions, and sometimes, harder ones.

You don't just arrive at adulthood. You become it, piece by piece.

I think back to certain moments in my life, times when I felt like I was on the verge of something, when I thought, "This is it. This is when I grow up." Maybe it was when I faced my first real heartbreak. Or when I lost something that I thought I couldn't live without. Maybe it was moving to a new place and having to start over, or taking care of someone when I wasn't even sure I could take care of myself. In those moments, I felt a shift inside of me—like the person I was before was fading, and a new, more hardened version of myself was taking shape.

But was that growing up? Was it those moments of loss or change that defined my transition into adulthood, or was it how I responded to them? I'm starting to believe it's the latter. Growing up isn't something that happens to you—it's something you do. It's how you learn to pick up the pieces when things fall apart. It's how you start to take ownership of your choices, even when those choices feel impossibly hard. It's how you learn to be accountable not just to others, but to yourself.

And that accountability—learning to be responsible for who you are, for the decisions you make, and for the way you treat others—is a huge part of growing up. When you're younger, there's often this underlying sense that someone else is responsible for the outcomes of your life. Parents, teachers, friends—someone else will be there to catch you if you fall, someone else will tell you what to do when you're unsure. But growing up is realizing that, at some point, you are that someone. You are responsible for your own life, your own happiness, your own sense of direction.

It's a heavy realization. And sometimes, it can feel overwhelming. You don't always feel ready for it. But that's part of growing up, too—understanding that you'll never be fully ready for anything. There's no magic moment when you suddenly feel like an adult, like you have all the answers. In fact, growing up often means accepting that there are no answers, at least not the kind you were hoping for.

But that doesn't mean it's hopeless. There's a kind of quiet strength that comes with that acceptance. When you stop waiting for the "right" time, when you stop expecting the world to hand you clarity or certainty, you begin to realize that you are the one who defines what it means to grow up. Not society, not milestones, not other people's expectations. You.

Growing up means making peace with the fact that life is unpredictable, that it won't always go the way you planned, and that you won't always know what you're doing. And that's okay. It's about learning to trust yourself in the midst of uncertainty, to keep going even when the path isn't clear, and to find meaning in the process, rather than waiting for some imaginary endpoint.

I think a lot of us hold onto this idea that growing up is something that happens once—like a switch that flips when we hit a certain age or reach a particular milestone. But in reality, we are constantly growing up. It happens over and over again, every time life throws something unexpected our way, every time we have to make a difficult choice, every time we realize we don't have all the answers and that's okay.

So, is there a specific moment when it happens? No, I don't think so. I think it happens in waves, in small, subtle ways that we don't always notice. It happens when we take responsibility for ourselves, when we learn to navigate change, when we stop waiting for someone else to define our lives for us. And sometimes, it happens in the quietest of moments—when we're alone, reflecting on who we are and who we want to become.

To my younger self, I would say this: Don't wait for the world to tell you when you've grown up. Don't measure your maturity by the milestones you hit or the things you've achieved. Growing up isn't about reaching a specific point in time. It's about learning to trust yourself, to navigate the complexities of life with grace and resilience, and to keep moving forward, even when the path ahead isn't clear.

Growing up is a process. It's not something you accomplish once and for all—it's something you're always in the midst of, something that unfolds slowly, over time. And the beautiful thing is, you don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to be willing to keep growing, to keep evolving, and to keep showing up for yourself, no matter what life throws your way.

And maybe that's the most important part of all: growing up isn't about becoming someone else. It's about becoming more of who you already are. It's about peeling back the layers of fear, doubt, and uncertainty to reveal the person you've always been, the person you're still becoming.

So, no—there isn't a single moment when it happens. But that doesn't mean it's not happening all the time, in ways both big and small, seen and unseen. And that's the beauty of growing up: it's a journey without a destination, a process that never really ends. It's messy, it's confusing, it's sometimes painful—but it's also beautiful. And it's yours.