Future Me, Are You Listening?

What is love, and how do I recognise it?

Love is a word that carries immense weight, yet its meaning can feel as fluid as water, constantly shifting and adapting to our experiences. For me, love is not just a singular emotion; it is a complex tapestry woven from threads of affection, vulnerability, connection, and understanding. I have often found myself pondering the essence of love, questioning how I can truly recognize it in myself and others.

To begin with, love can take on many forms—romantic love, platonic love, familial love, and even self-love. Each type possesses its own characteristics and nuances, yet they all share a common foundation: the desire to connect, to share, and to nurture. My past self often wrestled with these distinctions, unsure of where friendship ended and romantic love began. Was the warmth I felt for a friend the same as the fluttering butterflies I experienced with a crush? And how do I truly know when I love someone versus simply caring for them?

The struggle to articulate love became particularly pronounced when I considered the power of the words "I love you." For a long time, I reserved those words for the most sacred relationships in my life—my cat, my parents, my grandmother. Each utterance was intentional, a careful acknowledgment of the deep bond I felt. Yet, in romantic relationships, saying "I love you" became a monumental hurdle. It felt like standing on the edge of a cliff, peering into the abyss of vulnerability. I understood early on that these words held the potential to expose my innermost feelings and fears, making me feel bare and exposed. The gravity of that realization made it daunting to express myself fully.

In my youth, I observed the casual way some people tossed around "I love you", and it puzzled me. Did they understand the depth of what they were saying? For me, love was sacred, not to be diluted by mere habit. When I finally gathered the courage to share those words in a romantic context, it felt monumental, as if I was giving a piece of myself to someone else—an act of profound trust.

But how do I recognize love when it's present? It often begins with a sense of connection that transcends mere friendship. It's the way my heart races when I see someone special, the longing to be near them, to share laughter and silence alike. Romantic love brings a thrill, a spark that ignites excitement in the mundane. Yet, it can also manifest in quieter, subtler ways. It's the warmth of a comforting embrace, the feeling of being understood without the need for words, and the willingness to be vulnerable, to let down my walls.

In contrast, friendship, though equally valuable, possesses its own kind of love. It's rooted in companionship, mutual respect, and shared experiences. With friends, love often reveals itself in the little things—the inside jokes, the late-night talks, the unwavering support during tough times. It's a love that nurtures and uplifts but doesn't necessarily carry the weight of romantic expectations. Yet, I often found it challenging to differentiate between these feelings, leading to confusion and uncertainty.

The beauty of love lies in its diversity. I have learned to appreciate the myriad ways it can express itself. With friends, I might show love through acts of service or thoughtful gestures, while in romantic relationships, physical affection and emotional intimacy take center stage. Understanding how I express love and how I receive it is crucial in recognizing its presence in my life.

I realise now that love is also intertwined with vulnerability. It requires an openness that can be terrifying, yet it's within that vulnerability that true connection flourishes. When I love someone, I want to know their fears, their dreams, their quirks—the parts of them that make them uniquely themselves. This desire to understand another person deeply often leads to a profound bond that transcends the superficial.

Yet, love isn't always easy. It comes with risks, fears, and uncertainties. It can be messy and complicated, leading to heartache and disappointment. My past self often grappled with the fear of rejection, the anxiety of expressing feelings, and the worry that love might not be reciprocated. These fears can cloud the clarity of love, leaving me questioning its authenticity.

Ultimately, I've come to realize that love is a journey—a process of exploration and growth. It's about learning to navigate the complexities of relationships while being true to myself. It's about recognizing that love is not a destination but an evolving experience, one that deepens and matures over time.

As I continue to explore the meaning of love, I embrace the idea that it will take on different forms and significance throughout my life. I recognize that love can be found in the simplest moments—a shared smile, a comforting touch, or a word of encouragement. And as I learn to embrace love in all its complexities, I am reminded that the essence of love lies not only in grand gestures but also in the quiet, everyday moments that remind me I am not alone in this journey of life.

In the end, love is about connection, understanding, and the courage to be vulnerable. It's about allowing others to see me for who I am and accepting them in return. As I navigate this intricate landscape of emotions, I carry with me the understanding that love, in all its forms, is what gives life meaning. It's a powerful force that binds us together, transcending the boundaries of friendship and romance, reminding us that we are all capable of love—and deserving of it, too.