Future Me, Are You Listening?

What does it mean to truly belong somewhere?

Belonging. It's a word that I've spent years trying to understand, and yet it's still something that often feels elusive. When I think back to the different places I've lived, the groups I've been a part of, the friends I've made and lost along the way, I realize that I've been chasing belonging in so many different forms. But did I ever truly feel like I belonged? Or was I just fitting in, adapting to my surroundings, and hoping that one day I'd feel that sense of deep-rooted connection we all crave?

I'm sure you remember those times too. The countless moves, the schools you had to switch between, the neighborhoods you left behind. Each time, you were forced to start over, to build new connections, to try to carve out a space for yourself where none existed before. You became good at it, in a way. Learning how to make people like you, how to blend in just enough to be accepted but not too much to lose your sense of self. But I know the truth: even when things seemed fine on the outside, you often felt like an outsider, didn't you? Like you were playing a role rather than truly being part of the group.

What does it mean to belong? For the longest time, I thought it meant finding the right people, the right place, and the right circumstances. I believed that belonging was something external—a group of friends who understood me, a town that felt like home, a relationship that made me feel secure. And so, I searched for that sense of belonging everywhere I went. I tried to mold myself into different versions of who I thought I should be, hoping that one day I'd stumble into a situation where I felt completely accepted, where I felt like I was enough.

But here's the thing I've come to realize: belonging isn't about external validation. It's not about fitting into a particular group or being accepted by a certain number of people. Belonging is an internal experience. It's about feeling at home within yourself, no matter where you are or who you're with. And that's a much harder thing to grasp because it forces you to stop seeking approval from the outside world and start asking yourself whether you truly accept who you are.

Looking back, I can see that I was always trying to belong to something outside of myself—whether it was a friend group, a school, or even a relationship. I thought that if I could just be the right version of myself in those contexts, I'd finally feel that sense of belonging. But the problem with that approach is that it requires constant performance. You're always adjusting, always wondering if you're doing enough, always questioning whether the people around you really like you for who you are or for the role you're playing. It's exhausting. And in the end, it leaves you feeling more disconnected than ever.

The pressure to be the person others want you to be, the fear that if you show your true self, you'll be rejected. It's why I never felt quite at home, even when I was surrounded by friends. It's why, despite all the places I've lived and all the people I've known, I often felt like I didn't really belong anywhere.

I used to think that moving to a new place meant starting over, that it was a chance to find belonging in a fresh environment. But no matter how many times I moved, that feeling of disconnection followed me. It took me a long time to realize that it wasn't about the place. It wasn't about the people I met or the experiences I had. It was about me—about how I saw myself, about whether I allowed myself to truly be seen by others. Because the truth is, you can't belong anywhere if you don't first belong to yourself.

That's a difficult realization to come to, especially when you've spent so much time trying to adapt to the world around you. But it's also incredibly freeing. It means that belonging isn't something you have to chase or earn. It's something that starts from within.

Think about it for a second. When was the last time you felt completely at ease with yourself? Not when you were trying to fit in or impress others, but when you were simply being you—without worrying about how you were being perceived. Those moments are rare, but they're powerful, aren't they? It's in those moments that you get a glimpse of what it really means to belong. It's not about being perfect or always getting things right. It's about showing up as you are and trusting that that's enough.

There were times in the past when I doubted that. I felt like I had to prove my worth, like I had to change parts of myself to be accepted. And in doing so, I distanced myself from the very thing that could make me feel like I belonged—my authentic self. I was afraid that if people saw the real me, they wouldn't want to stick around. So, I built walls, put on masks, and tried to be what others wanted me to be. But here's the thing: belonging isn't about fitting into someone else's idea of who you should be. It's about embracing who you are, flaws and all, and finding people who love and accept you for that person—not for the version of yourself you think you need to be.

This need for belonging is deeply rooted in our biology. We are social creatures, wired for connection, and throughout human history, being part of a group was essential for survival. But that primal need for acceptance can sometimes distort our perception of what it means to truly belong. We become so focused on being accepted that we forget to ask ourselves whether we feel at home within the groups we're trying to join. It's why so many people can be surrounded by friends and still feel lonely. They're part of a group, but they're not truly seen. They're accepted, but only for the version of themselves they're projecting.

I've been there. She's been there. And it's painful.

But here's the thing: when you finally learn to accept yourself—when you stop trying to change who you are to fit in—you create the space for genuine belonging. It doesn't mean that everyone will accept you or that every group will be the right fit. But it does mean that the people who truly matter, the ones who see you for who you are, will gravitate toward you. And that's the kind of belonging that lasts.

To my younger self, I would say this: stop chasing belonging in places that don't feel right. Stop trying to mold yourself into someone you're not just to be accepted. You are enough as you are, and the people who are meant to be in your life will love and accept you for that person. Belonging isn't about fitting in; it's about being true to yourself and finding those who see and value you for who you really are.

So, what does it mean to truly belong? It means learning to belong to yourself first. It means embracing the parts of you that you've been hiding, even from yourself. It means trusting that you are worthy of love and acceptance, not because you've earned it, but because you are human, and that is enough. And when you can do that—when you can show up as your authentic self, without fear or pretense—you will find that belonging isn't something you have to search for. It's something you carry with you, wherever you go.