Future Me, Are You Listening?

What defines success, and is it truly universal or personal?

Success. It's one of those words that gets thrown around all the time. From the moment we're old enough to understand it, we're taught to strive for it. But what does it really mean? What does it actually look like? And perhaps most importantly, is it something we can all define in the same way, or is it something deeply personal, unique to each one of us?

When I was younger, I used to think success was universal. It was something you could see and measure, something the world would recognize and applaud. Success was about achieving goals, hitting milestones, and doing things that others could point to and say, "Look, she made it." It was about the trophies, the grades, the accomplishments that you could put on a resume or list out in a conversation. The problem is, those definitions never seemed to sit right with me. The more I accomplished, the more hollow it felt. It was as if I was checking off boxes on someone else's list, chasing after a version of success that had been handed to me, but didn't actually belong to me.

I started to realize that what society tends to define as success—the promotions, the material possessions, the accolades—didn't resonate with me on a personal level. Sure, those things can feel good in the moment, and I don't want to dismiss the hard work that goes into achieving them. But at the end of the day, success isn't just about what you have or what you've done. It's about how you feel about yourself when no one else is watching. It's about whether you can look in the mirror and feel a sense of peace with who you are and the life you're living.

I think society has done a good job of convincing us that success is a one-size-fits-all concept. We're shown the same images over and over again—fancy cars, big houses, impressive job titles—and told that if we just work hard enough, we can get there too. But what if we don't want that? What if those things don't actually matter to us, or what if chasing them leaves us feeling empty and unfulfilled?

The truth is, success is deeply personal. What makes one person feel successful might not do the same for someone else. And that's okay. In fact, that's how it should be. We all have different values, different dreams, and different ways of measuring what matters in life. For one person, success might be about building a thriving career, climbing the corporate ladder, or becoming financially independent. For someone else, it might be about nurturing deep relationships, traveling the world, or creating something meaningful. And for another, it might be something entirely different—living in alignment with their beliefs, finding peace within themselves, or simply surviving in a world that often feels overwhelming.

I've come to realize that success isn't about reaching a specific destination. It's not about a particular achievement or set of circumstances. It's about living a life that feels true to who you are. It's about creating your own definition of success, one that honors your unique path and the things that matter most to you.

But why is this so difficult? Why is it so hard to let go of society's definition of success and embrace our own? I think it's because, deep down, we all want validation. We want to feel like we're enough, like we've made it, like we're living a life that others will admire. And so we fall into the trap of measuring our worth by external standards—by what we can show the world, rather than what we feel inside. We start to believe that success is something we can only achieve if it's recognized by others, if it fits into a neat little box that everyone can agree on.

But here's the thing: you don't need the world's approval to be successful. You don't need anyone else to validate your life or your choices. The only person who gets to decide what success looks like for you is you. And that's incredibly freeing, but also incredibly terrifying. Because it means you have to do the hard work of figuring out what really matters to you, rather than just chasing after what you've been told should matter.

I think about the times in my life when I felt the most lost—when I was doing everything "right", checking off all the boxes, but still feeling unfulfilled. I had the grades, the accolades, the external markers of success. But inside, I was empty. I realized that I had been living someone else's version of success, not my own. I was pursuing goals that didn't actually align with who I was or what I wanted. And that's a painful realization because it forces you to confront the gap between the life you're living and the life you want to be living.

So what does it mean to succeed, if not by society's standards? For me, it means living in alignment with my values. It means being true to myself, even when it's hard, even when it doesn't look impressive to anyone else. It means pursuing the things that make me feel alive, that fill me with purpose and joy, rather than the things that I think will earn me approval or validation.

Success, I've learned, isn't about reaching a specific point in life where everything is perfect and complete. It's about the journey—the way you show up for yourself and others along the way, the lessons you learn, and the growth you experience. It's about the moments of connection, the times when you're fully present and engaged with the world around you. It's about making choices that reflect who you truly are, rather than who you think you're supposed to be.

But that doesn't mean success is easy to define or achieve. It requires a lot of introspection, a willingness to look within and ask yourself what really matters. It means letting go of the need for external validation and learning to trust your own inner voice. It means being brave enough to follow your own path, even when it doesn't look like the traditional markers of success that society celebrates.

In psychology, there's this concept called self-actualization—the idea that true success comes from realising your own potential, from becoming the best version of yourself. It's not about external achievements or accolades, but about inner fulfillment and personal growth. According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, self-actualization is the highest level of human motivation—the point where you're no longer driven by the need for approval or recognition, but by the desire to live a life that feels authentic and meaningful to you.

That's what success is, at least for me. It's not about impressing others or achieving some external standard of greatness. It's about becoming more of who I am, learning to trust myself, and living a life that feels aligned with my values and my deepest desires.

To my younger self, I'd say this: Don't let anyone else define success for you. Don't measure your worth by the things you accomplish or the recognition you receive. True success isn't about what you have or what you've done—it's about who you are and how you live your life. It's about showing up for yourself and others with authenticity and integrity, about pursuing the things that make you feel alive and fulfilled. It's about learning to trust your own path, even when it looks different from the paths of those around you.

And remember, success isn't a destination. It's not something you arrive at and then check off the list. It's an ongoing process, a journey of growth and self-discovery. It's about learning, evolving, and becoming more of who you already are. And in that process, you'll find the true meaning of success—not in the eyes of the world, but in the quiet certainty of your own heart.