Crimson Shadows ~ HYUNLIX

^32^

(All The Things She Said • t.A.T.u.)

Felix had been feeling weird all day. So weird, he actually took the day off of work, which he never did. 

He constantly felt like something was about to jump on him. As if Felix knew it was sneaking up behind him, but he couldn’t look around to see what it was, because it was simply his shadow.

But that shadow? That shadow held so many feelings. So many fears, so many worries.
Two days ago, Felix had promised Minho he’d tell Hyunjin about his eating disorder, and he still hadn’t fulfilled that promise. He just couldn’t.

And also, telling Hyunjin what was going on meant being intimate with him, and for some reason that thought was worse than anything. Even worse than starving himself to death.

Hyunjin had left for work. Before he had left, he had sneaked up behind Felix, had wrapped his arms around Felix’s waist and had planted a sweet kiss on the top of his head.

It had startled Felix so much that he had literally screamed. He could still see the confusion and terror in Hyunjin’s eyes right before he left. He too knew that Felix was on the verge of snapping, although he didn’t know why and didn’t know when it would happen. So he decided to play dumb and just leave for work instead of trying to pry the truth out of Felix. It wasn’t his business anyway.

“Fuck!” Felix cursed as he dropped his new phone on the ground again, thanks to his shaky hands.

He felt like a taut piece of elastic. A single touch could make him snap, a single sound could and anything unexpected would surely make him cry right on the spot.

Felix wasn’t stupid. He knew what was happening to him. It happened to him every now and then, since he had formed the terrible habit of piling up his feelings and worries until they would explode.

Felix felt it coming closer. He clenched his phone in his hand, certain he would drop it again if he didn't. He stored it in his pocket, hoping it would be safe there.

He looked at his shaky right hand. His black and white rings were so pretty. He normally loved watching them.
For some reason he was certain he could die any second now. It didn’t make sense, but nothing did when he was like this.

He wanted Hyunjin. It was such a stupid wish, such a stupid need, but he really did. He had only once cried in front of Hyunjin, composing himself as strong and uncaring. Maybe he could get through this alone? It wouldn’t be the first time he’d done it.

His phone beeped, indicating that he had gotten a text, and it made Felix jump up in surprise. That was enough to make his taut elastic snap.

It was as if the thing whispered in his ears. Standing in the middle of the living room, Felix suddenly regretted not calling his friends first.

The whisper wasn’t an audible sound, it was more like a feeling. It wasn’t even a real thing, just something that told him it was going to happen.

Sudden adrenaline rushed through Felix’s veins, making his hairs stand up and his skin crawl. It was as if cold hands wrapped around his throat, cutting off all oxygen. He tried to gasp, but he couldn’t.

Tears were rolling out of his eyes before he knew it. Disturbing loud voices started to yell in his head. The images of his childhood and all the other shitty things flashed before his eyes.

Those images flashed before his eyes. It was as if his back was ripped open with a knife all over again, except it wasn’t. It was as if he saw that face all over again. But he didn’t.