Strangers - unknown relatives to being each other's human diaries to standing at a crossroads of love, family reputation, societal weight, and an upcoming marriage with the biggest question of their lives which would affect everything
Arun doesn't t...
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After agreeing to the arranged marriage it was hard to accept the reality of the things that were happening there was no time, everything was going so fast, our families were meeting and discussing about the marriage dates and all the arrangements and I was trying to adjust to the situations. I did get the number of Chaitra and I tried to talk to her to know more about the person who was coming into my life. On the other hand, Indu had a habit of going online and uninstalling all the social media platforms once every few months and she was also not available to talk and even I couldn't tell Indu frankly that I was trying to adjust to my life and accept that things don't always happen as I like them.
After a few weeks, Indu activated her social media apps(WhatsApp and Insta) and we started talking again. Indu asked me about how was things. I said that I was trying to talk to Chaitra and she would talk very little like just replying to what I would ask. Indu said I should try to talk more if I want to know her and I did agree to that point as things wouldn't move if I don't try. I tried talking to Chaitra more and more and it did happen for a few days she would talk nicely and we were getting to know each other. However, something that I realized while talking to Chaitra was I was trying to talk to her like Indu imagining what if Indu was in her place. Not only imagining but also wishing if Indu had said yes and she was the bride things would have been so different. I was literally trying to see if there were any similarities and if we could have a conversation as I used to have with Indu as that's what I wanted in my life and as we spent more time it was clear to me that Chaitra can never replace Indu.
I thought if there were at least a few similarities I might be able to adjust and move on. However, within days when Chaitra actually started opening up to me and talking to me more, I realized I was not at all comfortable. I didn't like chatting with Chaitra and when she would ask me if I really liked her and everything, I would lie to her that I was okay. I would start reasoning myself that not everyone gets what they want and we have to try to adjust to what we have. During our conversation I told Chaitra that I wanted to have a love marriage however it was not possible as the girl I loved didn't accept me or had feelings for me. Chaitra could see that I was hiding something and asked me then if I would be able to accept her as I had someone else in my heart and I lied again with a reason saying we can't choose everything in our life and this is an arranged marriage and I would have to accept the reality. While in my mind I knew I could never ever forget Indu.
After that conversation, I was unable to talk to Chaitra properly as every time I would have to lie and lie to her again and I was only thinking and wishing for Indu. I needed more time and I would ignore her messages saying I was busy and just trying to interact less with her as it was making me realize that I wanted Indu and hate myself that I was not good enough for Indu to accept me and that I couldn't be with Indu.
While chatting with Indu I would try to tell her many times that I was not okay with my marriage but I couldn't bring myself to tell her that as I felt it would be unfair to tell Indu that I was suffering because she didn't have feelings for me. Once my brother called me telling me that he was going to say no to his parents about deciding the marriage date and I felt so relieved I just said okay to my brother and he started saying "So you don't like her Haa! Should I really tell Mom and Dad to stop and cancel the marriage?" I was so tense that my brother got to know that I didn't like the girl and he would start asking me questions why? I immediately tried to cover up and said that I said yes because I was not settled and needed more time. He agreed about my situation and told me that he is trying to take at least a year's time for marriage as even he wants me to be settled before marriage. However, he said it might be not possible as Chaitra's parents were now trying to get the marriage done within a month and that he would try to ask for more time. After the call, my mind didn't work as I was afraid as I didn't want my brother to know that I loved someone and didn't get accepted. I didn't want anyone to know that I felt broken.
