Love In The Shadows

18 ~ Now or Never!

The relief and anxiety! After Indu accepted me, I was over the moon, but my mind was racing with worries about how to break the news to my parents and cancel the arranged marriage. I was torn between my happiness and fear of the consequences. I couldn't sleep that night, my mind filled with thoughts of "What if..." and "How will I...". The next morning, once I reached my room in Hyderabad. I messaged my office that I had an accident, and applied for medical leave needing time to think and come up with a plan. And then, a crazy idea struck me - why not make the accident a reality? I would injure myself, and the marriage would be postponed, giving me more time to convince my family to cancel it altogether. It was a desperate plan, but I needed to be with Indu. 

The desperation and anxiety! I knew I was a bit crazy thinking about hurting myself, but I felt like it was now to never situation. I roamed in my area for about 2 hours trying to do something and injure myself and then I came back to roam with a rock that I found on the street. I hit myself with a rock, just enough to get a fracture in my hand and leg, but not so serious that I couldn't recover. I went to the hospital, feeling dizzy and lightheaded as I also hit my head. The doctor asked me to call someone so I called my cousin to come and get me. As I lay there, my mind was racing with thoughts of what's next and how to convince my family to cancel the marriage. But the fear of losing Indu was overwhelming, and my blood pressure spiked due to overthinking. I couldn't calm down, my heart raced with anxiety. I was given a BP tablet and was told to take some rest and after some time they checked my blood pressure again and there was no change. The doctor told me to be admitted for 24 hours as I had unstable blood pressure and also a bit of fever. However, me knowing the reason behind my situation I told my cousin to take me home and we left for my cousin's place. 

The relief of sharing my secret! After my treatment, I went to my cousin's place and broke the news to my parents and big brother Rohit about my "accident". Later that evening, I mustered up the courage to call my brother and reveal the truth about Indu and my desire to cancel the marriage. To my surprise, he was incredibly supportive and offered to help me navigate the situation. However, he advised me to first postpone the marriage and then gradually explain things to our parents. I was relieved that he was on my side, but I deliberately didn't mention that I had injured myself, fearing that he might think I was trying to manipulate them by hurting myself and blackmailing them. My goal was to get some more time to cancel the marriage by having an open and honest conversation with my parents, making them understand that my heart belongs to Indu. I wanted to convince them that this was not a whim, but a genuine desire to be with the one I love. 

The emotional rollercoaster! After a day of rest at my cousin's place, my Vadina (Big Brother Rohit's wife) called me, urging me to forget Indu and accept the arranged marriage. Her words were like a dagger to my heart, and I felt my anxiety spiraling out of control. I tried to reason with her, but she wouldn't listen continuously telling me to forget Indu and that my marriage with Indu would not happen, I knew she was thinking about our families and that it was too late to cancel the marriage however I couldn't agree with her as I knew it would be more wrong if I married someone else other than Indu and I broke down, my body shaking, my breath fleeting. My cousin rushed me to the hospital, where the doctor diagnosed me with pulmonary hypertension. But I knew it was more than that - it was the fear of losing Indu, the pressure of convincing my family, and the lies I had told to cover up my true feelings. My cousins started to suspect something was wrong as they heard me talk to my Vadina before my breakdown, and I was in a bad state, so I asked my brother to come and take me to my hometown. I was desperate for a change of scenery, as I didn't want to lie to my cousins anymore about my situation. 

The turning point! My situation was spiraling out of control, and my cousins were worried sick as my blood pressure was very unstable the whole day. They wanted to take me to a different hospital for a second opinion. However, I resisted, knowing the truth about my situation my fear of losing Indu was the root cause. But they insisted, and we met a new doctor who was perceptive and kind. He asked me questions as he felt my situation was not due to the accident, He asked me if I had any problems in my life and my cousins mentioned my upcoming marriage. The doctor's gaze pierced through me, and he asked if I was okay with the arrangement. I hesitated, and he saw right through me. He told my cousins to cancel the marriage, warning that my situation might worsen if things continued. My cousins were shocked, and I could see the concern in their eyes. Maybe it was time to reveal the truth. I felt I could trust them as they always showed care and love for me. With tears streaming down my face, I opened up to them about my love. To make me comfortable my cousin arranged drinks and listened to me and my problems that night. 

"My life was poised, at fate's precarious edge,
A now-or-never moment, my heart's pledge,
To break free from chains, of societal might,
And claim my love, in the dark of night.

An arranged marriage, a path laid out,
But my soul rebelled, with a love devout,
For the one who owned, my heart's deepest core,
The one I couldn't live without, forevermore.

Family's expectations, a weight so grand,
Threatened to crush, my fragile hand,
Backlash and scorn, for my heart's desire,
Left me shattered, in hypertension's fire."

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Questions from the Author:

1. Do you think Arun should have told the truth to the Cousins from the get-go?