I kiss boys

Nightmares

The next morning I woke up to someone whining. I figured it was just noise from outside in the hall, but it was way too loud for that to be true. I looked around my room and saw Zen thrashing around on the bed meant for my nonexistent roommate. I totally forgot Zen stayed the night. After we got back from the diner it was really late and Zen didn't feel like driving back to his apartment. Oh yeah! Did I forget to mention that Zen doesn't live in the dorms? Well, he has his own freaking apartment! Anyways, I gave Zen some pj's to wear and told him he could crash here for the night. I got up and dragged my feet across the floor until I reached the other bed. Zen was whining and his face held pure terror. "Zen?" I said softly. I doubt he heard me, but I didn't want to be too loud and scare him more. "Stop, stop. Don't touch me. Don't hit me!" Zen mumbled and his hands went up to shield his face. "Zen? Zen! Wake up!" I gripped both his shoulders and shook him slightly. All he did was begin to make a crying sound. "Lucas, help!! Don't let him hurt me." Zen called out for someone named Lucas to come help him. I tried slapping him, poking him, and even holding his nose closed so he couldn't breath, but he still didn't wake up. I climbed onto the bed more and crawled to Zen's right side that was by the wall. I put my legs under the blanket, laying down beside him. I figured If I couldn't wake him up by shaking him and all that then I might as well just pretend to be the person that he wanted to save him. "Zen, its okay. I'm right here." I reassured him. "Lucas? Save me, Lucas." Zen whispered. His voice sounding defeated and on the edge of giving up. I moved closer to him and embraced him in a hug. I squeezed him tightly against me, afraid that he needed to feel protected not caressed. Zen started sobbing uncontrollably. I hadn't realized just how emotionally damaged this boy was until now. I ran my hands threw his hair repeatedly trying to sooth him. I wondered why he didn't just fight back whoever was going to hurt him, I've seen him punch somebody and to be honest that boy didn't have a chance against Zen. His sobbing subsided and was replaced with heavy pants. It seemed like he was struggling for air. "Zen?" I tried saying his name again. He inhaled deeply and gripped the bottom of my shirt into his fist. I sighed, running my hand down his back trying to calm him. I moved back slightly just enough to where I could see his face. I brought my hand to his cheek and wiped away the tears trailing down his face. He nudged his face into the palm of my hand. "Zen, you have to wake up now." I said as he got closer to me so he could nuzzle his head into my chest. He's honestly the cutest boy I've ever seen. Behind his punk looks, he's full of emotions. "I know," He whispered softly. I couldn't tell if he was awake or not. "Goodbye, Lucas." He added with pain and sadness in his voice. "Zen?" I figured he would answer this time since his dream was ending. I caressed his cheek. His face felt ghostly and cold. His eyes fluttered open. "Ash?" He questioned looking at me with confusion. "Yeah." I said breathlessly. Does he even remember his dream? "Did-did I have ano-another one of the dreams?" He looked up and down trying not to hold eye contact with me for more than a second. I guess he does remember. I nodded, "you've had them before?" I asked and he finally looked at me with hurt in his eyes. "Almost every night." He said sounding ashamed of himself. "Who's Lucas?" I wondered. "Oh, he-he's my brother." A tear fell from his right eye. I wiped it away with my thumb. "Thank you." Zen muttered. "Anytime." I smiled at him. He looked down at his hand that was fisted in my shirt. A small amount of my skin had been exposed. Zen unraveled his fist and fixed my shirt for me. "Sorry." He gulped. I nodded my head and pulled him into a hug again. "What was the dream about?" I cautiously asked. He buried his head deeper into the crook of my neck. "My family." He said simply. I didn't press on the subject more. I was afraid of hurting him. "Do you have any classes today?" I asked knowing that some students like to have classes on sundays. "No, I like to keep my weekends free." He stated. I could feel his lips brushing against my collarbone every time he spoke. "Well, neither do I. How about you take a shower and then we'll go get breakfast, yeah?" I'm trying my best to cheer him up. I don't like to see people, especially my friends sad. "Yeah, but... can you just hold me a little longer?" Zen sheepishly asked while ducking his head down. His voice was extremely soft and shaky like a broken child. "Absolutely." In all honesty I didn't want to let him go. He's so much more hurt than I thought he was. When I first met him, I figured his bad boy look and act was all just a fashion statement, but in fact its a facade to hide his damaged heart. He knew if he had dressed and acted like the sweetest person that he truly is then somebody would take advantage of him and destroy him all over again. I sighed. My heart is breaking for him. I wrapped my arm around his waist pulling him closer. "You know my doors always open for you." I wanted Zen to know that I'm always around whenever he needed me. "Same here." His voice was muffled as he spoke against the side of my neck, but I still understood what he said. I rested my hand on the back of his head cradling him against me. His arms were crossed around him as if protecting himself from the demons he's so desperately trying to run from. "Ash? You're sort of suffocating me." Zen spoke. I hadn't realized how tight I was holding him. "Sorry," I loosened up a bit. "But if you would hold me back then I wouldn't feel like I'm doing a bad job at protecting you." I said with a hint of humor in my words. Zen chuckled slightly. "If you wanted me to hold you then you should've just said so." Zen unraveled his arms and slid them around me. "Oh! The boy's confidence is back." I think it's okay for me to joke around with him now, he doesn't seem as upset anymore. A laugh exploded from Zen's mouth, it was the realest laugh I've ever heard. I could feel his chest vibrate and shake against mine. His eyes were bright, but a second later they went dark again. "You're doing a great job at protecting me. Thank you." He said with appreciation. He lifted up his head and scooted up so he was face to face with me, he leaned forward and kissed my cheek. His lips lingered for a few seconds before he slid back down and tightened his grip around my torso. His legs slowly intertwined with mine. Even if I tried, I couldn't describe the way I feel right now. My stomach was erupting with endless butterflies and my cheek was possibly permanently burned from his smoking hot lips. I was completely speechless. He really shouldn't of done that. Now I think I have an obsession with his perfect lips. Oh god, I'm so weird. His legs rubbed against mine as if he was trying to warm up. "Are you cold?" I asked, my voice a little shaky. "Yeah." He said simply. "Go take a hot shower, but hurry up cause I need one too." I hope he can't hear the uneasiness in my words. "Or we could save water and take one together." His face was completely straight and his voice had no humor. My jaw dropped open and my eyes widened. "I'm messing with you! It was a joke, Ash." He said, giggling. A huge smile on his face. He playfully swatted my arm as he climbed out of the bed. "Don't do that!" I scolded him. All he did was laugh and walk off to the bathroom. I stripped down to my boxers and waited for Zen to finish showering so I could take mine. I stood in the middle of the room playing on my phone. The water turned off and Zen opened the bathroom door in nothing but a towel. His black hair was glistening from the water. Small drops of water were falling from his hair and running down his chest. "I don't mean this in a more than friend way, I think, but you my friend have a seriously nice body." My eyes never met his, they were glued to his smooth tan chest. I didn't really mean to say that out loud because I didn't want to make things awkward, but hey the truth needs to be said. I finally looked him in the eyes, well tried to because he wasn't looking into mine. His eyes suddenly snapped up to meet mine. He chuckled. How does he not get nervous or awkward at all? "Same to you my friend." He said walking past me to sit on the bed. There's no doubt that his body was by far better than mine, but I try my hardest to keep my body somewhat in shape. I workout enough to not have a muffin top, but I definitely don't have super defined abs and muscles like Zen, mine are just less toned than his . I also kept my body tan instead of pale, although pale can be extremely attractive like Michael Clifford even though he's not really that pale. "Well, I do try." I said in a high pitched voice while pretending to flip my nonexistent long hair. My other hand found its way to my hip. Zen laughed, "Go take a shower, you dork." I walked to the bathroom with a girly sway in my hips and turned the water on. I took off my boxer's and went to put them in the dirty laundry bin that I had in the bathroom. The pj's that I let Zen borrow and his boxer's were spread across the floor. I rolled my eyes and picked up the pj's, putting them in the bin. I put Zen's boxer's on the counter. I stepped into the shower, cleaned myself and washed my hair before drying off and wrapping the towel around my waist. I grabbed Zen's boxer's and left the bathroom. Zen was still sitting on the bed in the towel. "You forgot your boxer's." I said throwing them at his head. "My bad," He apologized, sort of and then continued talking, "Do you have any clothes I can borrow?" I nodded, "If you don't mind not wearing all black in public." I chuckled, I totally thought he would be against the idea besides I was just joking with him, I'm sure I could find something that suits his style. "I don't care, whatever you got is fine with me." He shrugged glancing down at his phone. I went to my dresser and pulled out clothes for myself and then searched around for clothes Zen would be pleased with. I first grabbed clean boxer's and threw them at his head again. Then found a black sweater and the only pair of black jeans that I own. "Here." I handed him the clothes. Zen examined them and then set them down before speaking, "Do you have anything more colorful? I feel like wearing something bright today." Zen said pushing the clothes farther away from him. I was actually surprised. "Are you feeling okay? Oh, do you have a fever?" I asked walking up to him and placing my hand on his forehead. "No, I just want something different today. Is that wrong?" Zen sounded irritated. Despite him seeming angry he gently grabbed my wrist and pulled it off his forehead. I hadn't realized my hand was on his forehead for that long. I guess I was kind of frozen in shock. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that," I sighed looking at his hand still wrapped around my wrist. He didn't respond instead he looked down at his lap. "Hey, how about we pick out an outfit for you." I twisted my wrist out of his soft grip and interlocked our hands together instead. He looked up at me with a shy smile. I tugged him up off the bed, his free hand went to hold onto his towel so it didn't fall off. We walked over to my dresser. " I want to put the boxer's on, but I'm too lazy to walk to the bathroom, so just don't turn around. okay?" He asked. "Okay." I agreed. Zen walked behind me and slipped on the boxer's. I waited because I didn't want to look for clothes without him helping. He finished and walked back kneeling to the ground. "You can put your clothes on too, I won't look." He slightly blushed. I smiled fondly at the rose colored tint covering his cheeks. All I did was nod and grabbed my clothes and walked to the same spot he went. I slid on my boxer's and then my pants and shirt. Walking back to Zen. He had my favorite pink sweater in his hands, he was admiring it. "That's a good choice, it's my favorite sweater." He looked up at me with a slight blush. "Yeah, I figured it was. I've seen you wear it twice." He said smiling down at the sweater and gently moving his thumb back and forth against the soft pink material. "How? I haven't worn it yet." Over the week we've been in college I've been wearing the new clothes that my mom offered to buy me for when I started college. That sweater is something I got during my senior year of high school. Zen's blush was redding by the minute. "Um... okay maybe I lied a little. Our first day here wasn't the first time I ever saw you." Zen sounded nervous as if I'd be mad at his answer. His words were slightly rushed. I shrugged, it's not really a life changing lie. "Then when was it?" I asked opening the drawer I keep my pants in. He noticed my nonchalant attitude towards the subject and his tense shoulders relaxed a little. "Um, during the week where we had time to move our belonging into our doorms." He kept looking at me from the corner of his eyes as if I wouldn't notice. I pretended not to notice. I took in his answer, slightly confused. "you don't even have a dorm, why were you here?" he wasn't making sense. His body language suddenly turned fidgety. He was nervous.