YOU FOUND ME, johnny kavanagh

WITHDRAWAL AND H

-QUINN-

I DONT HAVE a problem with drugs. Alcohol maybe, but drugs I could stop if I wanted to. Or so I thought. It's been a week since I've used and I was constantly off my rocker drunk.

Without drugs alcohol was the only the thing that made me feel good. The only thing that made me feel nothing.

My supply was out and I was trying my best not to call my dealer. My dealer Cillian had been supplying me for years. Sometimes he'd text me just to check in and make I was alive.

Shannon was at school, I should be too but I couldn't move. I was immobile laying in bed. I was on my side and my eyes were heavy. I haven't had a wink of sleep in 3 days.

I was reeling, thoughts swarming my mind. Mostly my father's voice, haunting me.

You wouldn't be alive without me.

I own you.

You're making me do this.

You're never escaping me.

You're me.

I love you.

I turned on my back, my body felt heavy. I knew I should eat something but I couldn't. I can't remember the last time I ate, the thought of eating had me throwing up.

I finally got out of bed and made it to the bathroom. I collapsed on the cold floor and staring puking into the toilet.

Withdrawal was my old friend, after an hour of throwing up my guts I inched back to my bed.

Despite being under a blanket, wearing a long sleeve and a hoodie, sweatpants I was shivering. Sweat was covering my face but my body was physically cold. I was shaking and shivering and my teeth gritted.

I heard a knock at the door but I didn't have the energy to say anything. "Quinn? Are you okay you haven't left your room in days?" Joey asked.

Joey couldn't see me like this, not when he'd gone through himself. I couldn't answer, tears started spilling from me.

I hated crying, it made me feel weak. "I'm coming in okay?" No, don't. Please.

No words formed as the door creaked open. I started shaking harder, "Quinn?" Joeys voice was soft.

I grabbed the bowl beside me and threw up again. My hair was covered in sweat and all of a sudden I was melting. I coughed loudly and I felt it sting in my ribs.

"How long has it been?" Joey asked, I shuddered "w-w-we..." I let out a deep exhale before I shook hard. "A week?"

I nodded my head so barely you could barely tell. I was dying, it was a constant loop. You use so much that when you don't you feel like you're dying. As if you were falling like rain from the clouds.

I sniffled before dry heaving. My stomach growled but I couldn't bear the thought of eating.

Shannon walked in and saw Joey sitting in the side of my bed holding my hair as I sat away from him puking into the bowl.

"Quinn?" Shannon asked, Joeys head snapped towards her. "Shan I need a favor."

"Anything," she said. Joeys eyes flickered to me, "go get a glass of water come back up hand it to me and then leave. Go hang out in my room. Got it?"

Shannon nodded before leaving. I couldn't drink water, I would be dead by the time Shan came back.

Seriously I felt like death, I hadn't showered or brushed my teeth in over a week my body was rotting. I hadn't eaten in a week and I hadn't slept, my mind was slowly killing itself.

Shannon came back a few moments later. She gave the water to Joey, Shan loitered for a minute and watched as Joey brought the water to my lips.

I hated people seeing me like this, all weak and wrecked. The water went into the mouth and when I tried to swallow it sputtered out of my mouth into the bowl. The few drops that managed to go down I threw up.

"Quinn I have to go to work. Can you manage for a few hours?" I nodded weakly. He left and I was all alone.

I figured I should try and take a shower or at least rinse off, when I finally stood I remembered my box.

Falling to my knees I pulled it out from under the bed. There's was barely anything in it except for one tiny baggie. It wasn't cocaine, it was heroine.

I shouldn't, I've made it a week.

Don't do it.

Only once.

It'll never be once.

I'm hurting.

It'll hurt more.

It won't hurt now.

I pulled out the bag and poured it in the spoon. Using the lighter Joey gave me I held it under the spoon.

I used an old needle, I'd only done heroine a couple times but the high was incredible. I put all of it in the needle and then into my veins.

I groaned with satisfaction, euphoria filled my body and my veins lit on my fire. My mind woke up, my body's temperature regulated. I felt amazing.

I went into the shower and for the first time in weeks I got ready and looked good. I was wearing low rise jeans and a white tank top.

My collarbones were sticking out and I didn't recognize the person in the mirror. I looked frail, all my bones were poking out and you could see my veins moving.

I quickly left and pulled out my phone. Dialing his number, it took a couple rings before he answered.

"Hey darlin, I was hoping you'd call."

I let out a soft laugh, "you know me too well Cillian. Listen when can you meet up?"

He let out a breath, "about an hour. Regular spot and order?"

My regular order was cocaine and a couple oxys. This time I wanted to try something new. "Same spot different order. I want the coke and a little H got it?"

Cillian let out a menacing laugh, "you got it darling. Hey because it's you I'll give you at half price, I'll even throw in a bag a oxy for ya."

"You're the best, I'll see ya." Hanging up I grabbed a hoodie before heading out.

"Quinn?" I heard Shannon call out as my hand was on the door handle. "Why do you still do drugs? Joey stopped because of Aoife, why can't you stop for me?"

Shit. I didn't know what hurt worse. Shannon thinking me using had something to do with her or that she thought Joey was clean.

"Shan, it's not you. Don't ever think that." And with that I left.