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MY MAM WANTED to talk to me for some reason. We hadn't said one word to each other in a month. It was a new record and I was doing so good without her, she was very pregnant and I knew what would happen.
That baby would born in misery, it'd be born and would Joey as dada and me as mama. It would never know of Darren, never know mam when she would sing to us. It would be born and fall under the curse of Teddy Lynch.
"Quinn come sit." Mam said, sitting at the kitchen table with a cigarette in her mouth. I sat across from her, and she blew smoke directly in my face.
"Your sister, this boy at school won't leave her alone. I've called the school and told them about you and how you play camogie. You'll be finishing off fifth year at BCS and then going to Tommen for sixth year. They've given a scholarship, I'll pay for the rest of it. You look out for Shannon."
This couldn't be happening. It couldn't. All of my friends were at BCS, my memories. The last time I saw Darren was at BCS, I played camogie for BCS. I didn't want to move to Tommen. Shannon has friends that can watch out for her, and Johnny Kavanagh.
"That's all get out of my sight." Her sight? Mam hadn't even looked me in the eyes while talking. I left and went into my room.
Pulling out my phone I called Joey, "hey Quinn I'm at work," I sighed. I knew he was at work. "Mom is making me switch to Tommen for sixth year."
He went silent. "Y-Y-I" he started stuttering, "what?" He said breathlessly. "Some guys at school won't leave Shan alone so I'm moving to look after her."
Joey exhaled, "what am I going to do without you?" I snorted, "what am I going to do with you?" I repeated.
Sure Joey and I weren't so close anymore, but still we wouldn't be seeing each other as often. He's always at work or hurling, I'm always out at camogie or trying to find a job.
"It'll be alright Quinn. Listen I gotta go Tonys calling me but I'll see you at home?"
"Yeah see ya." Hanging up the phone I thought about Tommen. More specifically a Tommen boy.
I hadn't seen Johnny since that day on the beach. I didn't want to. If I talked to him again I'd get distracted with him. I had a responsibility to look after my siblings and I can't do that when I'm running around with Johnny Kavanagh.
My mind wandered to him though, his soft hair and gorgeous blue eyes. I didn't know I could miss someone so much, especially someone i didn't know.
His skin was so warm, I wanted to crawl inside of him just so I'd never have to leave him. I wanted to eat him whole and feel his insides in mine. Johnny was addicting, more addicting than any drug I've taken.
Pulling out my phone I decided to call him. I was so desperate to hear his voice that I forgot I didn't have a reason to talk to him.
Johnny answered immediately, "Quinn? H-hey what's um what's up?" He was a stuttering nervous wreck. How was this the guy I wanted to talk to?
"Hey Johnny, I thought I'd just let you know that I'm switching to Tommen next year." Johnny stopped breathing.
"What? You're-you're coming here? That's great!" I mentally groaned, of course Mr. Sunshine thought this was a good thing. Why did I call him?
"No sunshine it's not. You were supposed to look after Shannon so I wouldn't have to move schools. You had one thing to do and you fucked it up."
"Sunshine?" Johnny laughed, this guy. I needed to put a stop to my feelings because sooner or later someone was going to get hurt.
"Anyway I don't why I called, I'll see ya around." I hung up before he could respond. I reached under my bed and pulled out his hoodie. Against my better judgment I put it on and took a deep breath.
Johnny smelled like heaven mixed with the rain from that night. Even though it was dry it smelled like that night, maybe it was because every time I held this hoodie I thought of that night.
I was afraid that at Tommen I would have no choice but to interact with them. Some fucking luck on my end.
I'm surprised my Da is letting me go, he hates that whole scene of rich rugby assholes. Another reason I couldn't date Johnny, I'm not sure if he's rich but I can assume. If by any chance Johnny and I start dating my Da would go ballistic.
I'd get a whole lot more than a backhand or a hand wrapped around my throat.
I pulled out my box and melted the drug down. Lately heroin had been my favorite fix. I couldn't more than a few hours without more, my bones ached and shivered. I constantly cold and constantly sweating at the same time.
My arm was littered with purple bruises and harsh dots and scars, it was the ugliest thing I've ever seen. Every time I looked at it I had to physically look away before I threw up.
The needle stung and but it went away quickly and was replaced by void filling my body. The only thing keeping me kicking was the drugs. The only thing I had inherited from Mam was her depression.
Of course that also came from years of dealing with my father, but mostly mam. I refused to be like her. Every day no matter how low I was feeling I wouldn't stop caring for my kids. I get up, take a bit of any drug I can find and make my siblings food.
If I got to a point where I couldn't get out of bed I'd know that I was at rock bottom.
AUTHORS NOTE: sorry for such a short chapter and it took me so long because of fucking writers block but yeah please vote and comment!
