From Aliya to Hafiz

Thirty-seven.

Hafiz.

It had been about an hour since I woke up but I remained lying on my back, staring at the ceiling and thinking about everything and nothing at all. It was like I was thinking about too much at once and my brain couldn't grab hold of a single thought process, and that made me feel like I was stranded in a storm.

Aliya...

I think she was at the centre of the storm.

With her, I kept having the feeling that I was in way over my head. When I had left her in front of her door after she was discharged from the hospital, I resolved that I was done playing nice. The next time I saw her, I would do what I needed to do to progress my plans.

But then Zane called and I got swamped with dealing with Bailey's situation afterwards, only recalling what he told me when I was about to fall asleep. I didn't think I had ever gotten out of bed that fast in my life.

These days, whenever I was in her presence, I always had a feeling of surrealism and kept asking myself why exactly I was against her. The reason was becoming blurry. I felt comfortable with her, comfortable enough to open up about things I had never told anyone before.

Not even Unais.

I still couldn't remember what happened that night after Sofia stormed out. Whenever I tried to think about it, I always felt a familiar spark unique to my histamine headaches. Going by how she reacted when I approached her yesterday in the dining room, it didn't seem to be something good. Maybe I should get a check up again, the doctor I saw did say the headaches were unusual.

What if they messed with my memories?

But something like this had never happened before. And I didn't want to believe Nine's statement of me having a weird coping mechanism. I wasn't one to shy away from the things I did, I wouldn't even do those things if I knew it would make me uncomfortable later on.

Seeing as lying here thinking was only making me anxious, I opted to go for a swim. Funny how the pool made me feel faint and nauseous before but now helped me clear my head. It was true after all, there was nothing like a phobia.

Fear is just a collection of different emotional and physical responses that can be overcome.

After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I changed into black swim trunks and headed for the backyard.
When I passed by the living room, I saw Unaissy and Janan sitting opposite each other. Janan looked to be doing tahfiz so I didn't interrupt them and passed by the room silently, using the kitchen to get to the backyard.

The biting cold when I plunged into the water almost made me regret not warming the pool beforehand. But as I tore across the water, my body adjusted and I felt refreshed. The weight of the water that I once found horrifying caved so easily under my strokes and kicks, and I only had to focus on the movement of my feet and arms and taking breaths every time I broke the surface.

A spell of time elapsed before I drew myself out of the water and plopped down on the chair by the pool. I used a towel to dry my hair and torso, a trail of goosebumps trailing my arms from the chill.

"You move very well for someone afraid of the water."

Flinching, I looked towards the voice to see Nine, dressed casually with his hands tucked into his pockets. His hair was pushed back to reveal a smooth round forehead and the eyes exposed underneath were sharp and assessing.

"Were you watching me swim?" I threw the towel aside and stood up, suddenly very famished. "Where have you been these days?"

"You flatter yourself," he fell into step beside me, then overtook me so I had to stop or run into him. "Of course you wouldn't notice me, seeing as you're so enamoured with your wife."