From Aliya to Hafiz

Forty-two.

Aliya.

We stayed in Riyadh for three days before taking a flight to King Abdulaziz International Airport in Jeddah, then continued to Makkah by road.

Currently, I was sprawled in the lounge chair facing the clear skies in our hotel room as I waited for Uncle and Auntie to finish up their shopping. We were done with our Ummra and would take a flight to Istanbul airport where Uncle's jet would fly us back directly to Newark Liberty Airport in Jersey City.

It sounded straightforward, but the flight from Makkah to Istanbul would take four hours, and the one from Istanbul to Newark Liberty Airport would take ten to eleven hours depending on weather and air traffic. So that was fourteen to fifteen hours on air.

Just the thought made my nape sore, like was I the only one that got prestressed by the thought of the stress I was going to have to endure?

My phone on the coffee table vibrated and I picked it up to see a snap message notification. Tapping on the screen to open the app, I was taken aback to see the message was from Hafiz. Jasra's plan of 'making him jealous,' for whatever crazy reason, wasn't that successful.

He opened her snaps but didn't reply nor save them in chat. But he always diligently opened them. She was bummed out for a few minutes before shaking it off and dragging me around Riyadh to have fun.

Ya Unais also took time to accompany us and it was just like those times when I visited with Auntie and Mom. But a small part of me wished there was another shadow buzzing around with us. I wished he had come too, and I wished he was there to perform Ummra with us.

These days, I wished and prayed for a lot of things, especially when I was in front of the Kaaba. I would admit I wanted him to fall in line, I didn't want him to keep living like this. I wanted me and him and Jasra and Ya Unais, his parents and my mom, I wanted us all to be able to go to Hajj together, pray together, and just, be, without any drama and hurt.

Something told me he did too.

As for why I felt so strongly about this, I was too chicken to delve in deeper. I felt like I already got my answer, from the moment he held me and I didn't hesitate to hug him back, when I welcomed his touch instead of flinching from it, when I sensed his nearness and found his personality...charming...disembowel me...I had an inkling of what was going on.

Although it was embarrassing, it seemed I was finally experiencing a first crush. After twenty-two-odd years of existence.

"But you just have water in your brain. You're crushing on Hafiz? Of all people?" I muttered to myself with a grimace. I mean he could be nice if he wanted to, and he wasn't as averse to Islam as I thought he was. He just didn't like his mother.

But there seemed to be some misunderstanding somewhere, if it got cleared up, would everything else fall into place?

"My God."

"Why are you talking to yourself?"

My eyes trailed to my mom, and I had to look sideways to make sure she was talking to me. "Are you talking to me?" I pointed at myself.

She sat in the chair beside mine. "Else? The jinn dancing shoki next to you?"

I looked back at the cityscape outside. "You've not said a word to me since I saw you."

"How is Hafiz looking? Can you fix him?" She asked.

My head snapped to her, incredulous. "Fix him? He's not some broken piece of machinery."

"But he's broken," she said, and I heard a note of contempt in her voice.

"Are you feeling complacent right now? Do you feel you are superior? When even you are not perfect?"