From Aliya to Hafiz

Forty-one.

Aliya.

"Why the gloomy look? You did well."

I looked to my left to see Zane exiting the hall I had been standing in just a few minutes ago, defending the thesis I had written. I pushed away from the wall I was leaning against and approached him.

He talked as he led us to the parking lot where he parked his car. "If you're upset about the scathing remarks some of the professors made, don't let it pull you down. This is a delicate field you're working in."

When we reached where his car was parked, I opened the passenger's door before he could, ignoring the disapproving noise he made under his breath. "That's not what's bothering me. I didn't expect any special treatment," I looked at him pointedly.

He chuckled before closing the door and jogging around to the driver's side. "You caught on?" He said as he drove out of the university campus.

"Hard not to when you kept clearing your throat whenever any of them started asking sharp questions," I stared out of the window. "Didn't you say you wouldn't coddle me?"

"How can I not? You're so cute," he replied in that calm and gentle manner of his.

I watched the scenery breeze by as the afternoon sun set off rays of refractive lights on the cityscape. These days, I was getting homesick, especially after Jasra and Ya Unais left four days ago.

They didn't say it, but I knew their visit was ruined, thanks to their lovely cousin. On that day two weeks ago, they remained standing, with Ya Unais in front of me and Jasra behind me, for a long time after he left. It wasn't until I sat back down, staring at the floor feeling as shaken as I was sure they were, that they snapped out of it.

Jasra had looked at me with an expression of disbelief as she voiced her question.

"Hafiz...? How could he...? He said wanted to kill you."

I shrugged, gaze moving back to the Soldiers of Allah documentary we had been watching. "He doesn't mean it literally, he just means he would use me to hurt Auntie and Uncle."

I looked at her as she gazed at me in horror. "What? Believe it or not, this is the him I'm familiar with. I feel a great sense of relief now that he's acting this way."

"Then why do you look so sad?" Ya Unais asked, sitting down next to me. He studied me, gaze deep and serious. "Ali, should I take you away from here? Come with me to Riyadh."

I stared at him, surprised, before shaking my head. "I can't leave with you."

"Do you want to leave with me?"

I smiled, looking away. "I can't leave him." Because I was duty-bound to stay here. I was only here because of Auntie, not because of him.

Never because of him.

I won't allow myself to be soft for him again, not after all this.

"You're really out of it," Zane's voice pierced through my recollection. "What's going on, Little Doctor?"

I shrugged, gaze still glued to the scenery outside. "Nothing."

He sighed and the car fell quiet after that.

When Ya Unais said I looked sad, I was shocked to find that I was very sad, and disappointed. I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry with Hafiz. We were fine before he left but he went and came back like that.

As I stared into his cold and detached eyes, it was like I was taken back to the first time I met him. It pissed me off that all the progress we made was lost just like that. I couldn't for the life of me pinpoint what brought on his change in attitude and I found myself wondering what was wrong with him. I thought him spending time with us, with me, would expose him to the daily life aspect of Islam and weaken his mental resistance even just a little.