CAITLIN'S POV
I sit in the car, staring out the window, thinking we were just running some errands or grabbing food. Selena didn't tell me anything, and I didn't bother asking. But as we slow down and pull into the parking lot, I noticed the sign immediately, a doctor's office!!! My stomach tightens and my pulse immediately picks up
"Wait where are we" I ask, my voice a little too shaky
Selena gives me that careful smile she usually uses when she's about to drop some news I'm not going to like
"I scheduled you a checkup, with Taylor" she says gently
My heart drops
"What?! You didn't tell me we were going to the doctor" I almost yell
"I know" she says turning off the car
"But Taylor's going to do the checkup, I think it'll help. You trust her right? She's my best friend she'll take it easy on you" she says softly
"But I don't want to be here, I hate doctors, what if I need shots" I ask already feeling the anxiety bubbling up inside me
Selena places her hand on mine and gives it a squeeze
"Cait, it'll be okay I'm going to be right there with you the whole time, Taylor is going to explain everything so your comfortable, I promise you'll be fine" she said soothingly
I feel the panic rising, my heart thudding in my chest and I just want to bolt. Before I could protest Selena was already getting out of the car. I reluctantly follow, my legs feeling weak and my hands shaking as I stuff them into my hoodie pockets. The waiting room smells like sanitizer and something else medical that I can't name but it makes me uneasy. I sit next to Selena, bouncing my leg nervously as we wait. I glance around at the magazines but I can't focus on anything. My mind is racing wondering what's going to happen, how bad it's going to hurt and how long it will take
"Caitlin" a nurse calls my name and my body freezes
I don't move, my heart skips and I can't seem to get up from the chair. Selena nudges me gently
"Come on Cait, I'm right here" she said encouragingly
I stand slowly, feeling like I'm moving through quicksand. We walk down the hall towards the exam room and my feet feeling heavier with every step. When we step inside, the nurse starts taking my height and weight, but I'm nearly paying attention. I'm too focused on the exam table, staring at it like it's some sort of torture device. The paper crinkles under me as I sit down and I instantly feel exposed and cold in the room
"Okay Caitlin" Taylor says coming in a few moments later with her usual smile
This time it doesn't make me feel any better. She's holding a clipboard, wearing her white coat and suddenly she feels more like a doctor than the friend who comes over to hang out with Selena
"Hey, I know this is scary, but we're going to go through everything step by step. You're in control and Selena's going to be here the whole time okay" Taylor says softly knowing how scared I am
I nod weakly, my heart still pounding. I don't want to be here. The room feels smaller with every second that passes, and I start fidgeting with my hands
"Let's start easy, I'm going to listen to your heart and lungs alright" Taylor said pulling out her stethoscope
I nod again but my chest feels tight and I already know my heart is racing. She places the cold stethoscope on my chest and I flinch. I take a deep breath like she asks but it comes out shaky. Than she moves it to my back, and I try to breathe slower, but it's hard when I'm this nervous
"Good job Caitlin you're doing great" she says, her voice calm and gentle
I don't feel great, I feel like I'm barely holding it together, but I don't say anything
"Now I'm going to check your blood pressure" she explains wrapping the cuff around my arm
The squeezing sensation is uncomfortable and I stare at the wall trying to distract myself but I can feel the tension building inside of me
"Your blood pressure is a little high, but that's totally normal when your nervous" Taylor says after a moment, her tone understanding
Next she grabs the little light to check my eyes ears and throat
"I'm just going to shine thought in your eyes okay" she says softly knowing
I squint as she shines the light, trying to stay still but every little part of the exam makes me more anxious. I feel so vulnerable sitting on this table and I keep looking at Selena for reassurance. She gives me a nod and smiles but I can tell she's worried about how freaked out I am
"Okay Caitlin, I'm going to check your reflexes next" Taylor says pulling out the little hammer
She taps my knees and my legs twitch automatically and then she checks my arms and elbows. I start to relax just a little, thinking maybe that was the worst of it but then Taylor flips through her clipboard and I see her pause. My heart sinks, I already know what's coming next
"Cait, your due for a couple vaccines today, one for tetanus and one for meningococcal" she says gently
I feel my whole body go cold
"No. No, I can't... I don't want shots" I say, my voice breaking, tears instantly filling my eyes
Selena steps forward putting her hand on my shoulder
"Cait I know you're scared, I'll hold your hand and we'll get through it together ok" she says softly
I shake my head feeling like I'm going to hyperventilate
"I can't do it, I can't" I said barely being able to breathe
Taylor sat the clipboard aside and crouches next to me
"I know it's scary, but I'll make it quick, we'll go at your pace okay you're in control" she said
I wiped my eyes quickly still shaking as Selena grabs a chair and sits next to me holding my hand tightly
"You're stronger then you think Cait, I'll hold you still and it'll be over before you know it" Selena whispers
I don't feel strong, I feel like I'm going to fall apart, but I nod weakly. Taylor gets the syringes ready and just the sight of them makes me panic all over again. My breath comes in quick, shallow gasps and Selena's wraps her arms around my shoulders pulling me close
"I'm right here Cait, you're okay" Selena says squeezing my hand tightly
Taylor swabs my arm with alcohol and I feel like I'm going to pass out
"Just a quick pinch" Taylor says softly
I can greatly look. My eyes are squeezed shut as I brace for the sting. I feel Selena's arm holding me still and I bury my face in her shoulder. The needle goes in and I flinch hard, squeezing Selena's hand so tightly it hurts. The shot burns, and tears spill over but I bite my lip trying not to scream
"One down you're doing great Caitlin" Taylor says softly
I can barely nod, my whole body is tense and my arm already feels sore. Selena keeps holding me, whispering softly in my ear trying to keep me calm. I feel like I'm going to loose it. Taylor moves to my second arm and I start to panic again
"No no no" I mutter but Selena holds me tighter
"Just one more Cait, you've got this" she whispers
Taylor swabs my other arm and I brace myself, the second shot stings even more and I flinch again, my whole body shaking. But then it's over. I let out a shaky breath, tears streaming down my face
"All done you were really brave Caitlin" Taylor says sticking a bandaid on my arm
Selena pulls me into a full hug rubbing my back
"You did it Cait, I'm so proud of you" she says softly
I wipe my eyes, still shaking but at least the worst part is over. I feel exhausted, like I've just run a marathon but at least I survived. Taylor hands me a tissue and I take it wiping my eyes off. My arms are sore but I'm glad it's finally done
