Reaching My Star | A Chaennie AU

Chapter 33: I Feel... (Jennie 28; Rosé 31)

After Rosé left the apartment, Jennie stood at the door for a moment, the latch clicking shut, but the sound echoed in her mind. She leaned her back against the door, releasing a deep sigh as the silence of her apartment closed in around her. Now that Rosé was gone, Jennie felt the weight of something unspoken hanging in the air.

She wandered into the kitchen, rinsing their wine glasses slowly, her mind replaying the last few minutes. Rosé had looked so unsure, almost embarrassed, like she wanted to say something but couldn't find the words. And then there was that phrase, the one Jennie couldn't shake: "I felt... special."

Why had Rosé said that? What did she mean by it?

Jennie shook her head, turning the glass over in her hands. I felt special. It was just a simple statement, but it struck something deep inside Jennie, something she hadn't fully faced since that night—since her drunk confession. She had been trying to convince herself it was nothing. Just a throwaway comment from years ago. But seeing Rosé's reaction tonight... maybe it wasn't nothing.

Stop it, Jennie. She scolded herself silently. You're reading too much into it.

She moved to the couch, flopping down into the cushions, staring at the blank TV screen. Why do I keep doing this? she wondered. Why can't I just let it go?

The truth was, Jennie still felt the same way she used to—those old feelings, the ones she'd tucked away in a box along with the merch and concert memories, were slowly creeping back in. Spending time with Rosé had brought everything back to the surface. And it wasn't just admiration anymore. It was something deeper. Something scarier.

But she couldn't go there. She couldn't allow herself to think that Rosé might feel the same. Jennie's mind immediately flashed back to her confession—"I was so in love with you."—and how they both had laughed it off.

It was nothing, just some drunk words. But even as she thought that, the memory of Rosé's expression stuck with her. She hadn't laughed it off completely. She'd seemed... intrigued. Or confused? Jennie wasn't sure, but whatever it was, it hadn't felt like the casual dismissal Jennie expected.

And that scared her.

"What am I doing?" Jennie muttered aloud, brushing her hands over her face. You're overthinking everything, like always. But no matter how much she tried to push the feelings down, they kept resurfacing. Every time they hung out, every time Rosé smiled at her, every time they shared those little moments, Jennie could feel herself falling again.

But it's not real, she reminded herself. She probably thinks I'm ridiculous. Jennie felt her heart clench at the thought. She didn't want to make Rosé uncomfortable, didn't want to ruin the friendship they had built after all these years. That's why she had stopped Rosé tonight before she could say anything more, before Jennie's drunk words could be taken too seriously.

She grabbed a pillow from the couch and hugged it close, burying her face into the fabric.

What if... what if Rosé did feel the same? What if that hesitation in her voice tonight, the nervousness in her eyes, wasn't just discomfort?

Jennie shook her head fiercely. No. Stop it. She couldn't afford to entertain these thoughts. Rosé had a life, and Jennie had Hayoon to think about. There was no room for her old fantasies. She was a mom now, and things were different. Besides, the last thing she wanted was to feed into delusions that could ruin everything.

But even as she tried to convince herself of all that, Jennie couldn't shake the nagging feeling that maybe—just maybe—there was something more. That maybe Rosé's glances, her awkward pauses, conversations like tonight... all meant something.

She sighed again, resting her head back on the couch. The ceiling above her was blurry as her thoughts spiraled deeper. She couldn't let herself hope for more, but she also couldn't stop herself from wondering.

Why did Rosé say she felt special?

Jennie rolled onto her side, clutching the pillow tighter. I shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Now I've made everything awkward. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping sleep would take her before her mind could torment her further. But even as her breathing steadied and the world around her quieted, one thought refused to leave her.

What if Rosé wasn't weirded out?

What if...?

But Jennie cut the thought off before it could fully form. She wouldn't let herself go there. Not tonight.

Not ever...