Reaching My Star | A Chaennie AU

Chapter 5: Search in Love (Jennie 21; Rosé 24)

Jennie sat at the dinner table, her eyes fixed on the plate in front of her, where she absently pushed her food around with a fork. The familiar clinking of utensils and the soft murmur of her parents' voices filled the air, but Jennie felt distant, as if she were watching the scene from afar. She had just graduated from college a few weeks ago, a milestone that should have filled her with pride and excitement. Instead, she felt an overwhelming sense of uncertainty.

"Jennie-ya," her mother began gently, breaking through Jennie's thoughts. "Don't you think it's time to focus on your career? Maybe meet someone nice?"

Her father's deep and stern voice added weight to the conversation. "You're always at those events. It's time to grow up, don't you think? You just graduated college. No more goofing around."

Jennie nodded, though she couldn't find the words to respond. "I... I'll try," she murmured, knowing the promise she was making was easier said than done.

Later that night, Jennie sat quietly in her room, her mind replaying the conversation she had with her parents. Their words weighed heavily on her, more than she realized at the dinner table. For so long, she'd harbored a secret—one she had only begun to understand herself. Liking girls wasn't something that had just come out of nowhere; it had been there, simmering beneath the surface for years. But only now, after this talk with her parents, did she realize how impossible it would be to ever act on it.

Her parents were conservative, with deeply held beliefs about family and relationships. The thought of her even hinting at liking a girl—let alone dating one—was unthinkable. Jennie could never date a girl. This truth settled over her like a heavy blanket, suffocating and inevitable. She would never be able to bring a girl home, never be able to live the life she secretly wanted. That part of her would have to remain hidden forever.

It was a painful reality to accept. The quiet dreams she had nurtured—of love, of connection, of finding someone who made her feel alive in the way Rosé had—were slipping further out of reach. Jennie realized that liking girls was something she wanted, had always wanted, but could never have.

She would have to learn to live without it.

She would have to teach herself how to find guys attractive, how to live the life her parents wanted her to live, and how to fall in line with the expectations set out for her. It felt like cutting off a piece of her soul, like turning away from a part of herself that was essential to who she was. But Jennie knew, deep down, that this was the only way. There was no other option.

The other hard truth was, Jennie as a fan had never felt more alive than when she was at a concert, surrounded by the energy of the crowd, with Rosé's voice filling the air. Those moments had been her escape, her lifeline, the one place where she felt completely free. The thought of giving that up felt like losing a part of herself, but she knew her parents were right. It was time to move on, to grow up, to build the life they wanted for her.

But the process of letting go was slow and agonizing, like trying to rip out a piece of her heart. Jennie began to distance herself from the world she had once loved so deeply. She logged out of the fan accounts she had once updated religiously, the ones where she had poured her thoughts, feelings, and admiration for Rosé. She stopped saving up for concert tickets, stopped following Rosé's every move, even as the idol prepared for a highly anticipated comeback. The vibrant excitement that had once colored her days faded, replaced by a dull sense of discontent.

Jennie took a corporate job under a big company, the kind of job her parents had always wanted for her, the kind that made her feel like she was "being normal." The office environment was a big contrast to the exhilarating atmosphere of concerts and fan meets. The dull hum of computers, the endless sea of paperwork, the monotonous routine—it all felt stifling, like she was slowly suffocating under the weight of her own choices. She avoided anything remotely related to K-pop, forcing herself to bury her emotions deep down where they couldn't hurt her.

And then, one day, something unexpected happened. Jennie bumped into Minwoo, an old friend from her college days. They had been part of the same friend group, but life had taken them in different directions—until now. As fate would have it, they were now coworkers, just in different departments. Their casual conversations during coffee breaks quickly turned into more frequent meetups, and before Jennie knew it, they were going on dates.

For the first time in months, Jennie felt like she was regaining something she had been desperately seeking—normalcy, stability, a sense of belonging. She liked Minwoo. He was kind, funny, and genuinely interested in her thoughts.

Standing in front of her bathroom mirror one morning, she practiced the smile she would wear to the office, a smile that felt foreign on her lips. "Yeah, I can be normal," Jennie told her reflection, trying to convince herself of the words she was saying. "I can have the life everyone expects me to have."

Minwoo was everything she should want—he was safe, dependable, and his presence in her life was a comfort she hadn't realized she needed. "He's a great guy," she would tell herself over and over again, as if repeating the words could somehow make them true. "Maybe I was wrong about... about liking girls."

But even as she grew fond of Minwoo, even as she tried to mold herself into the image of the woman her parents wanted her to be, Jennie couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing.

In the quiet moments, when she was alone in her apartment, Jennie found herself daydreaming about a faceless woman—a figure that sometimes had Rosé's features but was always just out of reach. Jennie knew it wasn't really about Rosé—it was about the life she was afraid to pursue, the part of herself she had buried so deep she feared she would never find it again.

She tried to push those thoughts away, to focus on the here and now, on Minwoo and the future they could build together. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't see herself truly happy with a man. And that realization, as terrifying as it was, made her question everything she thought she knew about herself and the life she was trying so desperately to build.

As Jennie lay in bed that night, staring at the ceiling, the weight of her choices pressed down on her, suffocating and relentless. She wanted so badly to be normal, to live up to her parents' expectations, to be the person everyone thought she should be. But she wasn't sure who she was anymore, or what she truly wanted.