Reaching My Star | A Chaennie AU

Chapter 49: I've Been Thinking (Jennie 30; Rosé 33)

The apartment felt emptier than it should have. The weight of the conversation from the night before lingered in the air, even as the sun began to dip below the horizon. Jennie and Rosé sat quietly at the dinner table, the takeout boxes scattered around them. The clatter of chopsticks against ceramic was the only sound, and even that felt muted by the tension between them. Neither had spoken much since the early hours of the morning.

Jennie stirred her food absently, taking small bites without much enthusiasm. She was exhausted in a way that went beyond physical tiredness—her mind was foggy, emotions still raw from the whirlwind of emotions they had been caught up in. Rosé, sitting across from her, mirrored her silence, pushing a piece of tofu around her plate with a detached expression.

Jennie sighed softly and broke the silence. "I've been thinking," she began, her voice tentative, unsure.

Rosé looked up, her eyes filled with concern. She had been waiting for Jennie to say something, anything, to ease the suffocating quiet between them. But the weariness in Jennie's voice made her heart sink before she even knew what was coming.

"About what?" Rosé asked cautiously, setting her chopsticks down. She could tell this wasn't going to be an easy conversation, and she wasn't sure she had the energy for it.

"The whole day... I've just been thinking," Jennie started, her gaze dropping to her half-eaten dinner. "About us. About what my mom said last night." Her voice was low, almost fragile.

Rosé felt a knot tighten in her stomach. The mention of Jennie's mom already put her on edge, and she wasn't ready to hear Jennie siding with her after everything they had gone through. Still, she kept quiet, waiting for Jennie to explain.

Jennie exhaled shakily. "I love you, Rosie. So much. But my mom... she wasn't entirely wrong."

Rosé's heart dropped. She blinked, trying to hide the sting of hurt that was already creeping into her chest. What is she saying? She swallowed the lump in her throat, her voice quiet but laced with disbelief. "What do you mean, Jennie?"

Jennie rubbed her forehead, trying to gather her thoughts, but the words came out in a rush. "I mean... we love each other now. Right now. But the future? I don't know, Rosie. What if... what if we can't make it through? What if something else happens? Like after the grand opening when we fought so much. I never expected that to happen. It was such a shock, and it made me realize how unpredictable life can be."

Rosé stared at her, her tired mind struggling to process what Jennie was saying. "You... you're worried about us breaking up?" she asked, her voice tinged with disbelief. "Jennie, we got through that fight. We're still here, aren't we?"

Jennie nodded, but her eyes were filled with uncertainty. "Yes, we did. But it scared me. It made me realize that we can't control everything. My mom planted that fear in my head, and now I can't stop thinking about it."

Rosé felt betrayed. Jennie had spent the entire night before defending their relationship, standing strong against her parents' harsh words, insisting that what they had was real. But now, it felt like Jennie was doubting everything. "So... what? You think your mom is right?" Rosé asked, her voice quiet but edged with hurt.

Jennie shook her head quickly. "No, not completely. I don't think she's right about us not being real. I know what we have is real, Rosie. But Hayoon... she'll always be my priority. And my mom got into my head about that. If something happens to us, it's not just me who'll be affected. It's Hayoon too. I have to think about her, about what this will do to her."

Rosé's chest tightened, and she felt the weight of Jennie's words pressing down on her. She understood, of course she did. Hayoon was Jennie's world. But hearing Jennie voice her doubts like this, especially after everything they'd fought for, made Rosé feel... alone. It was like Jennie was pulling away, putting a wall between them.

"I get it," Rosé said, her voice small and hollow. "I know Hayoon is your priority. She should be. But... I thought we were in this together. I thought you trusted us to get through whatever happens."

"I do trust us," Jennie replied quickly, her hand reaching across the table to cover Rosé's. "I do. But I can't help worrying, Rosie. We've been through so much already, and I don't want to risk hurting Hayoon because we thought we could handle everything."

Rosé looked down at their joined hands, the warmth of Jennie's touch doing little to ease the ache in her chest. "I don't want to hurt Hayoon either," she said softly. "But I don't want to lose you either, Jennie. I don't know what you want me to say."

Jennie's eyes filled with guilt. "I'm not saying I want to end things. I just... I don't know what I'm saying. I'm scared, Rosie. I love you, but I'm scared of everything falling apart."

They sat in silence for a long moment, the heaviness of Jennie's words settling between them like a thick fog. Rosé's mind was racing, trying to grasp what Jennie was really saying, trying to figure out where they stood now. She had defended their relationship so fiercely, but now she felt like she was standing on shaky ground.

That night, when they finally went to bed, it was different. They didn't cuddle like they always did, wrapped in each other's warmth and comfort. Instead, they lay on opposite sides of the bed, facing away from each other, the space between them a painful reminder of the distance that had grown in such a short time. Neither of them said a word. Sleep didn't come easily, but when it finally did, it was restless, filled with troubled dreams.

The next morning, the sunlight filtered into the room, but neither of them felt the warmth of it. They woke up more rested than they had been, but still exhausted in ways that sleep couldn't fix. Jennie was the first to stir, sitting up in bed and running a hand through her tangled hair. Rosé lay still for a moment longer before she too sat up, though she didn't look at Jennie right away.

"I didn't mean to hurt you last night," Jennie said quietly, breaking the silence. Her voice was tentative, as if she wasn't sure how to start the conversation.

Rosé finally looked over at her, her eyes red-rimmed and tired. "I know," she said softly. "But it still hurt."

Jennie nodded, biting her lip. "I didn't sleep much last night. I kept thinking about what I said. And I still don't have all the answers, but I know I don't want to lose you, Hon. I don't want to let fear decide things for us."

Rosé's heart ached at Jennie's words. She wanted to believe that they could get through this, that their love was strong enough to withstand the uncertainty, the fear. But she also knew that doubt had been planted in both of them now, and it wasn't going away easily.

"I'm scared too, Jen," Rosé admitted quietly. "But I love you. And I want to fight for us."

Jennie reached out, her hand finding Rosé's once again. "I want that too," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "I just... I want to be sure. I want to be sure we're making the right choices. For us, for Hayoon... for everything."