This is not a game

The Age of Glory: Confession

Face to face, it's even weirder than over the phone. Silver is no longer just a voice in Eli's ear, but a series of glances, touches, expressions — and simply: presence. Silver's presence excites him and grounds him at the same time. Eli is intensely nervous at the start, then blissfully calm later, and nervous again when they're done, and he realizes that Silver saw everything. He saw that Eli was already aroused before Silver even touched him. He saw how Eli reacted to his every touch, even though none of those touches were sexual. He saw, without a doubt, the adoring look in Eli's eyes. He saw all of the scars covering his body.

Eli comes to his senses wrapped in a blanket and in the captain's embrace. Silver is sitting on the bed, leaning back against the pillows, while Eli sits on his lap sideways, his cheek resting on Silver's shoulder. As soon as Eli starts to come back to himself, his body tenses. Silver sighs, lifts his hand from Eli's shoulder, and genly strokes his cheek, then his temple. His fingers slide into Eli's hair, gently holding him in place.

"Don't panic," the captain orders. "Everything's fine. You're fine."

Eli closes his eyes and hides his face in the crook of Silver's neck. He breathes in the warmth, the scent of... something. Maybe cologne, maybe shampoo, maybe shower gel. He thinks he'll never forget this smell, and he'll never forget this moment either. He thinks it was almost perfect. He has a few (dozens of) ideas on how it could've been better, but before even thinking of bringing that up, he needs to clear the air. He's scared, and it might be unfair to speak about this while hiding in the captain's arms, denying him the chance to pull away or kick him out if things go badly. The honest thing would be to pull himself out of this blissful, nervous haze completely, get dressed, and then... but he won't say it then. He hasn't been able to confess for two months, and he won't magically gain the courage no matter how well he knows it is the right thing to do. But right now — while he is held, and safe, and cared for — he feels he can do it now.

"Silver," he breathes into the captain's neck, then gathers his courage, lifts his head, and says louder, more clearly, "Silver."

"Mmm?" the captain sounds intrigued, maybe even surprised, and Eli continues. "My second login in Battlescape is Icebreaker. I knew who you were from the first day on the team... I recognized your voice. I'm sorry I didn't say anything, that I kept up this charade, I just..." he swallows his nerves and hides his face again. The captain doesn't push him away, doesn't react much at all, but after a few quiet seconds, he lightly strokes Eli's shoulder, as if to remind him to keep going. "I was scared you wouldn't want me on the team if you found out who I was. Or that you'd stop playing with me outside the team. I didn't want to lose you."

"Icebreaker," the captain repeats thoughtfully, as if weighing the word on his tongue, and Eli freezes, waiting... waiting for something bad. Waiting for what he's been afraid of. But he's still wrapped in Silver's arms, and while there's no joy in the captain's voice, there's also no disappointment or anger. "Do you know why I offered you a spot on the team, Eli?"

"Because I'm an amazing swordsman, and the Guardians of the Millennium are tired of coming in second?" Eli boasts as usual, feeling a little braver. This ground is familiar. He is confident in his gaming skills, if nothing else.

"You are an amazing swordsman," the captain agrees, "but everyone knows that you're a terrible team player. If the league gave out signs that said 'do not hire, dangerous for morale,' you'd have one hanging around your neck."

Eli snorts and wants to defend himself, but he doesn't argue. He would totally own a sign like that if they at all existed. Of course, he would. But if Silver knew that, then why risk it?

"I offered you a spot on the team because, contrary to the rumors, you play well with others when you're properly motivated. Because after countless hours playing together, I trust you. And I know how to motivate you."

At this, Eli lifts his head and glares indignantly at the captain who looks entirely too pleased with himself, but then it finally sinks in, and his cheeks turn red. This time, indignation has nothing to do with it.

"You knew?"

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" Silver asks sweetly, and Eli suddenly remembers what else the captain had said to him in that exact tone just half an hour ago, and quickly shakes his head. "At first, I was curious when you'd decide to come clean. After that, I didn't want to scare you off."

"You can't scare me off," Eli smiles shyly. Then he smirks and grumbles, "Not after I've been chasing your ass for the past six months."

"Speaking of asses," Silver says, and gives Eli's a squeeze, the marks of his hand still red and sore under the blanket, and oh, now it is charged with just the right amount of sexual.

"Yes," Eli says, feeling light and giddy. "God, please, yes."