This is not a game

Game Over: Unreliable narrator

"It's a long and not a particularly pleasant story," Eli warns.

"I'm not in a hurry," Qi Yi assures him.

"I loved him," Eli says. "Almost from the start, when we met in an online game. I play Battlescape professionally, and so does he. We started spending more and more time together online. I would have kept sighing over him from a distance, but it turned out he was the captain of one of the pro teams."

Eli keeps it brief, stripping the story down to a dry, emotionless skeleton: how Sylvester Blade recruited him and turned out to be his Silver, how Eli played for the Guardians, how the captain caught him self-harming and helped him stop. How Silver became his dom, and then his boyfriend. How Eli thought Silver loved him, but it turned out he was just using Eli for the wins. How Silver abandoned him in a tough moment, choosing to ignore his mental state in order to squeeze out every last bit of usefulness from him. How Eli finished the season and vanished, and haven't seen him again until today (technically, yesterday).

He leaves out the bridge and the psych ward — there's already enough shock value in the story without them.

Qi Yi does not interrupt him with questions, does not rush him, and does not pull away. He listens and gently squeezes his shoulder from time to time.

"As for the bruises, Silver is a sadist, and I'm a masochist," Eli says, surprised at himself for how easily the words come out. Maybe it's because Qi Yi likes him, and somewhere in the depths of Eli's apathy, there's a flicker of desire to prove to Qi Yi that he's not worth it — to push him away and see him run before Eli is too deep into this rabbit hole of trust and care. Or maybe it's because Qi Yi isn't running away. "And an idiot. I was happy with him once, and when he showed up at my door tonight and said he missed me, I let myself believe I was wrong about him back in September. That I could be happy with him again. But I was wrong."

"What did he do?" Qi Yi's voice, though soft, carries an undercurrent of threat, but Eli isn't afraid. That threat isn't directed at him.

"I said 'green.' That means..." he starts, but Qi Yi cuts him off before he can explain.

"I know what it means."

"I said 'green,'" Eli repeats flatly. "I consented to sex. After that, he was rougher than usual... rougher than he'd ever been before, actually, but I didn't try to stop him. I didn't want to stop him, or rather, I was too afraid to stop him, afraid I'd ruin things again. I thought he was rough because he missed me, and my disappearence angered and scared the hell out of him... I don't know what to think anymore. Afterward, he said that now that we'd 'cleared everything up', we could forget the past, that he'd send a new contract, and I just... I couldn't..."

His previously emotionless recounting ends in a humiliating sob, and Eli angrily rubs at his eyes, determined to finish the story. Qi Yi squeezes his shoulder a little tighter, holds him a little closer, and that helps.

"I told him to get out or I'd call the police. And I called you. Involving police wouldn't be justified. It was rough sex, yes — on the edge, or maybe even over the edge of what I'd agreed to, but I consented to it. And I was mostly fine afterward, until he... until he made it clear that I only mattered to him as a valuable player on his team. And I just... I'm such an idiot, and I always screw things up, and..."

Eli trails off, unsure of what he even wanted to say next, or if he wanted to say anything at all. The emptiness inside quickly fills with a muddy, turbulent storm, and it bursts out in another sob, then another... Eli cries, huddled on the couch with his face buried in the blanket. Qi Yi rubs his back and keeps repeating that everything will be alright. Eli feels ashamed, disgusted with himself, but at the same time, with each sob, it gets a little easier to breathe, as if he's draining the poison from his chest, drop by drop.

"You're not an idiot," Qi Yi says when he finally quiets down. "It's not your fault. You've had a hard day... a hard year. But this isn't your fault, and you will be okay."

Eli laughs, chokes, and coughs for a long time, then straightens up and looks at him with red, tear-streaked eyes.

"非常可爱, right? Adorable."

Qi Yi snorts and reaches out to wipe the tears from Eli's cheeks.

"很可爱. Absolutely adorable."

"Your taste in men is as bad as your taste in movies, I see."

Eli's jokes quietly but desperately, as if his life depends on it. But maybe it does. Even if not at this exact moment, but sometimes it feels like the only thing standing between him and the abyss is his ability to laugh at himself, at the cruel irony of life, and at the absurdity of the plotlines that make up the human anthill in general and his life in particular.

Eli jokes, but he lets Qi Yi's warm, rough fingers wipe away the dampness from his face. He lets himself be embraced once again. He lets himself be comforted.

"Happy New Year," he remembers randomly and snorts softly at Qi Yi's answering "mm." He's no Lan Zhan, that's for sure. But then again, what does Eli even know? What does he really know about him?

"Tell me something," Eli sighs against Qi Yi's neck, shifting so they can both get more comfortable. "About yourself. Or about something else if you want to stay mysterious. But it'd be better if it was about yourself."