This is not a game

The Age of Glory: Reprieve

They still play on the fifth server sometimes. Icebreaker still flirts shamelessly with Silver at every step, and Silver still mostly ignores it. But something has begun to shift, some tectonic plates moving, slow but unstoppable, and sometimes Silver flirts back mercilessly, making Eli's heart skip a beat.

Silvester, in his role of the team captain, hasn't changed, but Eli's interpretation of his every breath, gaze, and gesture has. He sees it differently now: the way Silver doesn't flinch when Eli sits almost pressed up against him while showing him something on the screen; the way his lips tug slightly higher on the right side when he smiles and raises an eyebrow — just for him.

The Valley Master grows bolder and blushes at headquarters. Icebreaker blushes and falls speechless on the fifth server. Eli looks at Silver with adoration in the bedroom (in the living room, in the kitchen, in the bathroom). Three realities finally converge into one, and he is happy. He no longer asks for pain to silence the noise in his head or to release the emotions that swell inside him. There's no need. This, between them, isn't just about pain anymore; pain is no longer the end goal, though it remains an important part of their sexual — and not only sexual — relationship.

It turns out that Silver is a sadist — in the best sense of the word. It turns out he's a dominant. And it turns out Eli needed this. Needed someone who could strip away, layer by layer, the shells of shields, routines, and nervousness, and look directly at his bare soul. Silver looks intently, and he likes what he sees.
Eli has never felt less invisible. More real. More alive.

He says "I love you" first. He's basking in a cocoon of warmth and care after a particularly intense session and doesn't quite realize what exactly he is doing until he hears himself say it, as if from the outside, and freezes in uncertainty. They hadn't talked about feelings before. It's entirely possible that for Silver they're just partners in bed and in BDSM. It's entirely possible that Silver is currently trying to figure out how to explain this gently, without sending him into subdrop. Eli begins bracing himself for a fall. Silver kisses him on the forehead and holds him closer.

"That's good," he says, and Eli doesn't know what exactly is good, and how to interpret this not-quite-a-response. It sounds like Han Solo's "I know" in that scene. But — it's not rejection, right? Not anger? Not coldness? Eli exhales and doesn't fall.

Silver says "I love you" a week later. They're walking to Eli's apartment from the metro when they run into a group of drunks. The most sober-looking one blocks Silver's path, jabs a finger into his chest, and starts ranting about COVID and "fucking yellow parasites." Eli, to his own surprise and probably to the captain's too, punches him in the face.

Later, Silver tapes up the cut on Eli's eyebrow with a butterfly bandage. He frowns, and Eli squeezes Silver's free hand and smiles apologetically. He doesn't regret stepping into the fight, although he would prefer avoiding getting beaten up. But some things are worth it. 

Silver sighs, visibly relaxes, and quietly says, "I love you."

Eli has never felt this happy.