[Chapter 14] This will destroy me

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Nanami stirred in her sleep, soft cries escaping her as she turned, her face damp with tears. Shin couldn't stay all night, and neither could NANA, leaving only Yasu who sat quietly by her side, watching the steady flow of tears slip down her cheeks. Gently, he reached out, brushing the tears away with his thumb. She didn't stir, her face still twisted in pain even in sleep.

Hours later, Nanami awoke, blinking blearily at the unfamiliar ceiling.

The hospital.

She sat up with a start, her head spinning. She struggled to orient herself until her eyes landed on Yasu. He was slumped in a chair beside her, his arms crossed over his chest, deep in sleep.

Her stomach dropped. Her last memories were hazy, but they were filled with shame—cutting off her braids in a blind rage, the mirror breaking. The humiliation hit her like a tidal wave. She must look awful right now.

Without thinking, Nanami slipped out of bed immediately, her bare feet hitting the cold floor. She bolted to the bathroom and locked the door, her breath coming in short gasps. What was Yasu doing here? Why him? Of all people?

"Nanami?" Yasu's voice was groggy but filled with concern. "You okay in there?"

"Go away!" she shouted through the door, her voice sharp and trembling. She pressed her back against the door, sliding down to the floor, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees.

Yasu sighed, leaning against the other side of the door. "Hey, what's wrong? Talk to me."

"Talk to you?" Her voice cracked. "Why are you even here, Yasu? You—" She cut herself off, tears welling up again. "Just leave me alone."

"Now that's disappointing," Yasu said softly. "I came because I was worried about you."

Nanami scoffed, wiping her face roughly. "You? Worried about me? Don't make me laugh. You've got enough on your plate with Nana. You don't need to pretend to care about me." She knew she sounded awful right now, like a desperate rat clawing for attention, but she really just wanted him to leave.

Yasu paused, his head resting on the door. "Nanami, you're not some second option or someone I'm just 'pretending' to care about. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be here."

She clenched her fists, her knuckles white. "Then why? Why am I second to her?" Her voice trembled. This wasn't about Nana, she always felt second, this place was new to her, it wasn't a place she fit into, she would never quite feel comfortable.

There was silence on the other side of the door, and for a moment, Nanami thought Yasu had left.

"Yasu?" she whispered, her heart twisting.

"I'm still here," he replied. "I wish I had the answer for you. I don't know why I didn't stop her. I don't know why I let things go this far. But you... you're not second, Nanami. I just... I'm stuck."

Nanami pressed her forehead to her knees, her voice muffled. "Stuck between what? Me and her?"

'Why am I even asking? I'm taken, does it even matter now? The way he is, do I even want him?'

Yasu's hands rubbing his tired face. "Maybe? I don't know. I've known Nana for so long, and she'll always have a place in my heart. But that doesn't mean I don't care about you."

She laughed bitterly. "Fuck off Yasu." How was that what she wanted to hear? He couldn't even lie to her to make her feel better.

"You're not just some stand-in, Nanami. " He wasn't ready for anything, pursuing her would lead no where nice and they both knew that.

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