Escapism °• | NANA Fanfiction

[Chapter 16] Secret love song

"Get out!" Nana screamed, her voice cutting through the chaos stopping the boys at their tracks. Ren pointed at himself in questioning confusion. But she did not care who was guilty and who was not as she shoved everyone out the door. The boys all stumbled out into the hallway, dazed and still catching their breath from the fight. The door slammed shut behind them, leaving only Hachi and Nanami inside.

Nanami stood frozen in place, her gaze fixed on the small, strawberry-shaped glass cup on the table. The room felt impossibly quiet now, but inside her mind, everything was spinning. She couldn't make sense of it. Her brain had short-circuited. 

"What the fuck is going on?" Nana asked, her voice calmer but edged with frustration. She walked over to where Nanami stood, her arms crossed. Nanami opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She didn't know what to say. She didn't even know how to feel.  Seeing her state, Nana sighed, calming down a little. 

"You know Akira's right," Nana said after a moment of silence, looking at her with a critical gaze. "It's selfish to have all this happening to you and not tell Akira. You're potentially leaving the fucking country, Nanami. That's not something you keep to yourself, or even worst, tell him at the same time as everyone else!"

Nanami blinked, her throat dry. She nodded slightly. "Yeah... I know he's right," she muttered, her voice barely audible. "But still... couldn't he at least give me the benefit of the doubt? I didn't mean for any of this to happen." 

Nana gave her a hard look. "And did you give him the benefit of the doubt? Why were the both of you arguing anyway?"

Nanami stiffened. The question hit her harder than she expected. 

She hadn't. 

Not really. 

Truly when she saw Akira and his ex something inside her snapped. They looked nothing a like and her insecurities were set aflame, and his inability to read her mind added oil to it. She knew deep down it was unreasonable, but the idea of saying she was insecure out loud killed her. She could never do that; her pride did not let her. She had been trying, truly she had been trying to fit in, but ultimately, she couldn't. 

She couldn't admit it aloud, but she really did not like herself. Moving her had grated her little self-esteem down to nothing. And now she had lashed out at someone innocent because she saw the perfect woman before her and broke down. 

"I... I didn't," Nanami finally whispered, more to herself than anyone else. Nana's expression softened slightly, though her frustration still lingered. 

"You both didn't give each other the benefit of the doubt," she said, pulling out a chair and sitting across from Nanami, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and lighting a new one. "But you can't expect him to understand everything without communication. Talk to the damn guy."

Nanami shook her head, tears welling in her eyes. "I don't know how. Every time I try, it just... it all feels wrong. I don't even know if I should stay here anymore." She really did miss home, everyone looked like her, she didn't feel the need to constantly be pretty. She could just exist. 

Hachi, who had been sitting quietly, finally spoke, her voice soft. "Nanami... why are you going back to London? I don't understand why you'd want to leave. Isn't everything here important to you?"

Everything here? 

What was here? 

This shitty feeling?

Shin.

Nanami took a deep breath, trying to steady herself before answering. "My parents want me to come back," she said, her voice cracking. "They heard the rumours about me and Valentino... the media's making it sound like we're dating again, now they think I'm ruining my life."