Introverts

I Never Said I Loved You

T R O Y E

I open my eyes to the sound of knocking. Harsh, loud knocking coming for the front door almost urgently. I pick myself up and rush down the stairs, desperate for the noise to end. I open the door and gasp loudly. There Connor stands, bruised and bloody beyond repair.

"Connor!" I yell, grabbing his arm and pulling him into my cool house and escaping the summer heat. He's sobbing, all of his features twisted in pain and obvious suffering. It hurts to see him like this. "What happened?" I ask, surprised when he answers despite being deaf and not even looking at me.

"They got me in an alley way." He says, shuddering and doubled over.

"Who? Why?"

"These boys. They said.." He stops everything, no sound leaving him as he straightens up and looks up at me. Criticism and hate rooting in his eyes. "They said I would pay for your stupid curse. Why did you tell me? Why couldn't you of left me alone?" He screams, hands flying up to smack my chest as I stare in shock.

"I don't understand." I don't recall ever telling him I can read minds, and yet he's looking at me like I'm a monster.

"I'll never love you." He says, and suddenly my heart doesn't feel too good.

"What?" I whisper.

"I don't know what you were hoping Troye but I don't and never will. Don't you think I have enough problems as it is? Why would I need the weight of your stupid powers added on to that?" Finally he takes a step back, giving me air to breathe. I stare at him in disbelief. If I can say this without being rude or self centered, but he's being very selfish and inconsiderate right now. But I don't have time to react on these thoughts before the front door swings open. I hear Connor yelp as he steps back, but I stay grounded watching as the familiar face emerges from the darkness.

"Troye." He says, sending chills down my spine. "Lovely to see you again." Before I can reply he turns to Connor smiling sickly.

"Stay away from me!" Connor screeches.

"Oh but Con, you didn't let me finish my masterpiece." He looks at me. "Art is risk, isn't it Troye?" Then, he advances towards Connors little frame, bringing a metal bat to his head repeatedly. And I watch in shock as he lays dying. But the only thought on my mind is, I never said I loved you.

Sweat, a sticky substance that's now coating my entire body. I'm shivering and scared, my heart pounding and my head spinning. My bedroom is dark, the moon casting shadows along my walls and making the aftermath of my nightmare even worse.

What the hell was that?!

Since when do I have nightmares about Connor? I mean I've had them about Gavin for as long as I can remember, but Connor shouldn't be invading my mind. Is this supposed to mean something? Is this the aftermath of almost telling him I can read minds earlier when we were on the street? I cringe at the memory.

I don't know what came over me today. I woke up, feeling lonely and sad. Debated texting him all day and eventually I gave in and went to his house. Not exactly a bulletproof plan because as soon as he walked out I froze up and had no idea what to say. I didn't exactly have an excuse to be at his house on a Sunday night, so it was a little odd I guess. So I asked to go for a walk and an idea struck me. I don't know how long I've been dreaming of hearing his voice in person, but in that moment it would have been perfect timing.

So I asked him to speak to me. At first I thought he was offended, so I batted my eyelashes in a disgustingly innocent way and grabbed his hand. He gave in.

"I-I'm scared." He stuttered. And even though this was something that should be upsetting, I couldn't help but smile at the sound of his voice. It was so soft and gentle, something I never wanna stop hearing. Then in the heat of the moment I tell him I'm scared too, the words ready to leave my mouth for the first time. But I can't just tell him. Not only will he freak out, but I have other people in my life that have actually earned my trust that I haven't even told yet. Let alone some guy I just met a few weeks prior. So I left as soon as I could without seeming rude, and only leading him on once. Why did I kiss his ear? For one, that's not even that romantic it's just awkward. And two, I don't like him that way. I seem to forget that when in his presence. I guess the only good thing that came out of earlier today was the fact that I didn't read his mind, even through all the touching.

"Troye? Are you okay in there?" My eyes snap open right as my door does. Sage walks in, her delicate form sitting next to me on my bed.

"Yeah, why?" She gives me an odd look.

"Because you're crying." I'm what? I feel my face, hot tears soaking my hand. I frown and look to my blankets that are now laying on the floor.

"I'm okay. Just a nightmare."

"Wanna tell me what it's about?" No, not really. I love sage but as soon as she knows there's any chance that I may have feelings for someone, she'll freak out. And I think she'll take my dreaming about Connor as having feelings. Even if it was a nightmare.

"I can't tell you until I eat, remember?" I say, using the old myth as an excuse to not talk. She scoffs, knowing I obviously don't believe in that nonsense. Nevertheless, she stands and gestures towards door.

"Shall we then?" I sigh and look at the clock. 4 am. I climb out of bed and follow my sister down the stairs to the kitchen. Once inside she makes a movement for me to sit down before sticking some waffles in the toaster and pulling out a jar of Nutella. Sage is definitely my closest and most treasured sibling. "Spill." She says as soon as the ingredients are set out.

"Well, I woke up then I went down stairs and opened the door to find Connor." I don't think when I tell her, knowing I'll back out and end up with a cranky and angry Sage in the morning. She nods, eyes twinkling with mirth.

"And?"

"He's all bloody and bruised and he's crying. So I pull him inside and he.." I suddenly remember that to tell this part she'll need to know my secret. Which is definitely not happening. I'll improvise.

"He what?" She looks intrigued and scared at the same time. Probably wondering which route this is going to take.

"He started hitting me. For no reason." She looks slightly disappointed and I wonder what she was hoping for. "Then, Gavin walked in and bashed his head in right in front of me." I was expecting and gasp or a cringe or anything at all to let me know she is still capable of feeling human emotions. But instead I'm greeted with another useless question.

"Like, your ex boyfriend Gavin?" She says. And I wince at the way she says it. Like it doesn't make sense for him to belong in my nightmares when he is basically a living one.

"Yes." The waffles pop up and she turns and starts spreading the chocolatey cream on them. "What do you think that means?" I ask, suddenly anxious for her reply. Even though she's practically a full time fangirl with an overactive imagination, she's usually right.

"Honestly?" I nod and she places the food in front of me. "I think, and this is coming from ex-match-maker Sage, that you like Connor." I told you. Groaning, I turn away from her. "I'm serious! Think about it." I guess it does kind of make sense in a weird twisted Lifetime movie way.

"But I don't like him. Honestly." I say with pleading eyes, begging for her to believe me. Instead of commenting on she just takes my now empty plate and puts it up.

"Okay. But if you ever need to talk, or just get something off your chest, I'm here. I won't judge you or freak out or anything. I can be serious when I need to be." She says the last part jokingly but neither of us laugh. I give her a curt nod and she hugs me. "Goodnight Troye." She says, walking to her bedroom and leaving me in the darkness that is my kitchen at 4 in the morning.

"Goodnight Sage." I mutter, feeling like complete and udder shit. Sage is such a good sister and yet I'm keeping the biggest part of me locked away from her. I'm a horrible big brother. Instead of making my way to my bedroom, I rest my head on the counter. At least it'll be less of a walk to get breakfast. If I can stomach it.

I try and suppress every memory of my dream, absentmindedly cracking my fingers. Is it possible to feel for someone only in their presence? Is that a thing? Or am I just always caught up in the moment. Because there was at least three times when we were on that street that I almost kissed him. He's just so...touchable. That's okay though, I can touch him tomorrow when I sit with him at lunch. Shit.

Why did I agree to that?
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A/N
I feel like I probably shouldn't of ignored my friends calls because I was watching Dans Live Broadcast. But then I'm like, "what?! secret lock screen+book spoilers+passion over Zayn and NastyBoy Twitter feud?!" Totally worth it.

Why am I such Phan Trash?