Introverts

First For Everything

C O N N O R
I quickly drop my underwear as soon as Troye turns around, not wanting him to see any part of me that he hasn't already. I've already showed him more of myself then I have my own family and that's saying a lot. Today has been weird. Troye is usually the more dominant one in the friendship but not like this. He's constantly making sexual comments and is practically glued to me any time we're alone. Not that I'm complaining too much. I clear my throat once I'm dressed and he turns around, a big smile gracing his face.

"Perfect." I think he says and I blush before looking to my feet. I would have preferred a jumper and some nice sweatpants if I'm honest, but anything of Troye's is good enough. I feel a shoulder brush against mine as he leaves the room and I follow suit. Once down the steps we find his whole family already seated at the table, food set neatly in the center of the mahogany wood. Troye sits on the left side of the table across from Sage and pats the seat next to him. I plop down hesitantly and cast a gentle smile to his mother who is now passing out different bowls of food.

After we all have our food and begin eating I feel a nudge on my foot. I look up from my salad to see Tyde, the cute little boy from the bus, giving me a knowing smirk.

'What?' I mouth, confused as to why he's looking at me like that. He nods towards my attire and I blush Crimson. He knows I'm wearing his brothers clothes. My heart starts beating painfully and I start to shake a bit. I know that's little over dramatic considering it's just some fabric, but I have really bad anxiety and the thought of this little boy knowing that I'm wearing his brothers underwear scares me. What if he thinks I'm some kind of slut? What if it disgusts him?

I'm about to excuse myself to the restroom when I feel a set of bony fingers rap around my thigh. I slump over in relief and close my eyes, enjoying the way it feels to have Troye this close. My foot is nudged again and despite my better judgment I look up. Tyde points to his mom and she smiles.

'How have you been Connor?' She signs and I give her a shaky smile.

'Good, thank you. How have you been?' We carry on a steady conversation about school and after school activities. Until she asks this,

'So, do you have a girlfriend?' No one else except Sage can read sign language, I learned this through Troye at lunch. So no one else knew the embarrassing question she just asked. I feel Troye rubbing circles on my leg and I force myself to relax a bit, my whole body being tense and edgy. I shake my head no and look down at my plate. I wouldn't expect her to know I'm gay, because I haven't came out yet. I just don't see the point if I don't like anyone then why is it anyone else business? But now that Troyes around...no. I still don't understand those feelings and they could possibly ruin our friendship. I turn and look at him to find him already looking.

He gives me a questioning glance before leaning in a tad to get a better look at my distraught face. Which ultimately gives me a better look at his. I can't begin to describe to you how beautiful he is in this moment, and I spend the rest of dinner thinking of how to put it into words. After dinner I thank Mrs. Mellet and grab my book bag. Troye walks me home.

'Today was fun.' He says, giving me a sly smile.

"Yes it was." I speak and he steps closer.

'What did my mom ask you earlier that had you so tense?' He says, and my eyes widen. Was it really that obvious how bothered I was?

"O-oh, uh she just...um," I kind of don't want to tell him. I look to the floor and try to ignore how close he is. My hair is literally brushing his chest when I look down he's so close. I hate the way he makes me feel. Anytime he's in a two feet radius of me I want to be pressed up against him and that hurts my head. He places his index finger under my chin and forces me to look at him. When he sees my face he wraps his other hand around my waist and pulls our bodies together.