It was Thursday, and Richie had just gotten home from school, sitting on his bed, flipping through random pages of a comic book.
He had thought long and hard about his decision to come out to Ben, but he ultimately decided that it would be better to tell him than keep hiding it.
Richie then slid off of his bed and headed downstairs to the phone to call Ben and ask him if it was alright if he could come over.
As he reached the phone, he dialed Ben's number and waited for him to pick up.
Finally Ben answered the phone.
"Hello?" Ben started.
"Hey Haystack!" Richie said nervously, trying to ease his anxiety with humor. "Is it alright if I head on over to your place?" Richie asked.
"Sure, my mom's currently out at the store so-"
"Great! See ya there!" Richie cut Ben off and he hung up the phone.
"Where are you off to, Richie?" Maggie suddenly asked Richie as he raced for the door, where she stood in the kitchen, slicing tomatoes.
"I'm just heading to Ben's house, Ma. I'll be back before dinner." He reassured his mother, eager to head to his friends house.
"Alright." Maggie agreed, and immediately Richie raced out of the house and onto his bike.
-
Richie dumped his bike onto Ben's lawn, feeling a sudden wave of nostalgia wash over him from the time Ben had taken all the Losers' over to his house to talk about the mysteries of Derry and what was killing all the local kids in town.
Richie shuddered at the thought of Pennywise.
He walked up the wooden stairs of Ben's porch and stood in front of the door, already regretting his decision but knew there was no turning back, so he finally knocked on the door.
A few moments later Ben answered it, wearing a light gray hoodie and dark blue jeans.
"Hey, Richie." Ben greeted, stepping aside for the taller boy to come in.
Richie took a nervous step forward, hoping Ben couldn't sense his anxiety.
"So why'd you wanna come over?" Ben queried.
"I, uhm...well I kinda wanted to, uhm..." Richie stammered, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. He let out a deep breath to calm himself and spoke again,
"I wanted to talk to you about who I like."
Ben's eyes opened slightly, but he still looked understanding and he grabbed Richie's hand and brought him to his room.
Ben and Richie both sat on his bed, and Richie could feel his heartbeat increase.
"So..." Ben broke the silence, motioning to Richie for him to talk.
Richie cleared his throat before finally talking, "So...there's this bo-kid I like at school." Richie started, feeling sweat start to gather on his forehead.
"Well everyone has crushes, Richie. It's apart of growing up. So, who is she?"
She.
That word sounded bitter to Richie and he felt even more ashamed of himself.
"I-it's not a she..." Richie's voice came out smaller than he had liked, he didn't like to seem weak in front of anybody, especially his friends.
Ben seemed unphased by this and instead just put his hand on Richie's reassuringly. "Well that's okay." Ben said, surprising Richie. "I told you I wouldn't judge."
Richie suddenly felt like crying.
"So, who is he?" Ben asked again, correcting himself. "Do I know him?"
"Uhm, yeah..." Richie was still nervous, what if Ben thought it was him? "It's not you though, d-don't worry!" Richie immediately felt stupid and embarrassed and he slammed his left foot into his right ankle to correct himself.
Ben let out a small laugh, "Is it someone in The Losers' Club?"
Oh shit, oh fuck, oh shit- Richie's mind was spinning and he felt like throwing up. "Yeah."
Ben gave Richie a kind and warm smile and held his hand tighter.
"Well, who? Only if you wanna tell me."
Richie let out another deep exhale and tried to relax before speaking the sweet name that seemed like poison.
"Eddie."
He felt Ben let go of Richie's hand and he for sure thought Ben was going to call him homophobic names or tell him to get out, but instead Ben had pulled Richie into a warm hug, kinder than any hug he had ever received, and this time tears fell from Richie's eyes, and he couldn't stop them as he sobbed into Ben's shoulder.
"Thanks for trusting me to tell me something like that, Richie." Ben said, still holding onto Richie as he cried. "That must have been hard for you."
Richie let out a shaky breath and nodded, not trusting himself to speak, afraid his voice would come out small or crack.
Finally the two boys pulled apart and Richie wiped away the remaining tears left in his eyes.
A whole ten minutes went by without a single word, but it wasn't an awkward silence, but instead comforting, like Richie had found a second home with Ben.
"I know how you feel." Ben suddenly broke the silence, his feet hanging off his bed.
"What do you mean?" Richie asked.
"Beverly." That was all Ben said and that's all he needed to say for Richie to understand.
Having feelings for one of your closest friends but being too scared to tell them because you're afraid they'll judge you and stop being your friend. Being afraid of rejection. Being afraid of abandonment. That was something Richie and Ben had in common.
