But Daddy I Love Him

Not A Lot (Just Forever)

"I could be a good mother/ And I want to be your wife// Not a lot, just forever/ Intertwined, sewn together/ Like the rock bears the weather/ Not a lot, just forever"

Ariel was sitting on Warren's childhood bed while he slept next to her. When Warren got back from the party he asked if she was feeling better, Camilla had told him Ariel left because she was feeling sick. She lied and said she was okay, if she kept feeling sick she'd go to the doctor. And when he believed her lie she felt worse.

She didn't know how she was going to keep this up. And as much as she wished this wasn't the situation they were in, she knew she couldn't get rid of their baby. The baby would be part Warren, and she had gone through enough life without him, maybe it was selfish and unfair to the child, but she refused to let go of any part of him.

She just wished she wasn't so petrified to tell him, to make it all real.

She had barely slept that night anyway so despite the fact that the sun was just coming up she put on her running clothes. She wanted to run out of her body, if only for a moment. It made her mad at herself, this should be something she gets to be happy about. But she couldn't let herself be because her family had once again sunk their claws into her. What if one day, twenty-something years from now, her child felt about her the way she felt about her mother. And the worst part was the one person who she knew would make her feel better about this was the person she kept talking herself out of telling.

On her cool down lap she ran into Billy. It was the first time they were alone since the hospital.

"Hey, didn't think I'd see you out here." She called to him, friendly and calm.

"Yeah, I guess I can't sleep that late anymore. You?"

"Same..." It was still a little awkward but it was better.

"What happened to you yesterday at the party? Cami said you were feeling sick, you seem okay now."

"Uh..." And maybe it was that she needed tell someone, anyone, so that her head would stop exploding. Or maybe it was that Billy had become a brother to her even when he got on her nerves. "Actually, can I tell you something? You can't tell anyone though."

"Sure, yeah, are you good?"

"I'm pregnant." She released the words but it didn't lift any weight from her.

"Oh my God! Congratulations! So you and Warren are keeping it quiet for now? Because everyone would be so happ-"

"We're not." She cut him off. "We, uh, I- I'm keeping it quiet. Warren doesn't know." She stumbled over her words.

"What? Why not?" Billy asked, no judgement just confusion.

"I don't- uh, it's just been a lot and I know he would be so excited. I'm just scared, I'm so scared," her voice cracked a little with emotion. "I don't know how to be a mom and I ran into my mom yesterday and-"

"Wait, what? You saw your mom yesterday?"

"Yeah, when I was getting the pregnancy test. And she just said all the things she needed to say to get in my head." The tears were starting to fall now. "I don't know what to do."

"Okay, hey, come here." He rubbed her back while he held her. "I think once you talk to Warren you'll be okay."

She nodded but she still didn't know when or how she was going to tell him.

...

When they boarded the flight for Chicago the next morning, Ariel still hadn't told Warren and somehow things had gotten worse for everyone.