1. Don't let him try to instruct you on most matters. You're young, about the target audience for his album and that scares him, so he'll pick apart your taste in music and all forms of art, trying to turn you to his way of thinking. Stay opinionated, Tins. Your opinions are sparkling and brilliant just like his, even they are logically opposite. Do NOT let him change you, even as a friend.
2. If he starts preening and pouting and flirting to get his own way, don't fall for it. I know he's probably the prettiest man you've ever known, if not the most handsome, which lends to his powers of persuasion, but don't go for it. You know more about press than him. You're made for this. He's made for it too, but he'll never admit it.
3. Don't make him weed brownies. He doesn't deserve any from you. The ones you made while he was away on a gig in Sheffield are too good for him to receive unless he goes down on you.
4. Don't let him go down on you unless you guys end up being in love. I know your oral sex experience is really limited and they've all been bad, but trust me when I say, I've been around the block a few times here, and Damon is extremely good. So good someone who hasn't had good experiences could be in his thrall for weeks afterward, and we can't have that happening unless he's already in yours. And we won't know if he's in yours until several individuals, including yourself, have interrogated him on the matter.
5. Do not give him any good records or cassettes. They will end up being his forever and you'll have to buy a new copy. I have an ABBA record that if you could steal back for me, I'll snog you or whatever is the currency exchange in the US.
6. Tell me the next time he makes fun of your teeth, because I have an advert for an orthodontist I can anonymously send.
7. The subliminal signals you do on TOTP i.e. smiling sideways like him, posing slightly like him, the little gag you pulled last week - blowing a kiss, mouthing his name and putting your fingers in a heart shape as Brett came on to play "So Young" - it's all brilliant. Both in creating the image of a giddy girl in love and getting him fuming. He actually calls me to complain, amongst others! And it's hilarious, so I beg you keep doing it.
8. He accidentally threw in a complaint about "he's not even shagging you, but he still has to put up with smelling that sickly sweet candy apple shampoo of yours in bed" - if you're sharing a bed with him without shagging him, I want to send you an award. Also, if he didn't like the smell of something on me, he'd pout and strop until I showered, so at the very least, he's mellowing in his middle twenties. Perhaps now is the time to gift him an Enya CD and a pair of reading glasses with a chain so he doesn't lose them.
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Much Ado About Britpop
Fanfiction[RPF - But Not At All Real] Meet Tinsley Hale, American movie star and part time TOTP presenter. Meet Damon Albarn, the pretty boy frontman for Blur. Meet a host of other real and unreal characters that made up Britain's music scene and L.A.'s teen...
