I can't live without you.. || Chanmin

Resolutions and Confessions

The next morning came too quickly for Bang Chan. He hadn't slept much, his thoughts relentlessly circling around Seungmin. The raw emotion he had overheard last night haunted him—the fear, the vulnerability, the way Seungmin had doubted himself, doubted them. It had been enough to shatter Chan's own composure. He hadn't been able to sit still, pacing his room until the early hours, trying to figure out how to make things right.

But there was no more time to think. Today was a new day, and he had to face Seungmin. He had to fix this.

With a deep breath, Chan forced himself out of bed, threw on some clothes, and headed for the kitchen where the other members were already starting to gather. The dorm was still quiet, but the familiar clatter of dishes and the low hum of conversation signaled that most of them were waking up

As he stepped into the kitchen, his eyes immediately landed on Seungmin, sitting at the counter, nursing a cup of coffee. Felix was next to him, chatting softly, but Chan could see the subtle tension in Seungmin's posture—the way his shoulders were slightly hunched, his gaze distant as he stared into his cup.

The sight made Chan's chest tighten. He hated seeing Seungmin like this, especially knowing that part of the reason was him.

Felix noticed Chan first, giving him a nod and a small, knowing smile. It was a smile that said,  know what happened, and I'm giving you space to fix it.

Chan returned the nod, grateful but also nervous. His heart was pounding in his chest as he walked over to where Seungmin sat. He could feel the weight of what he needed to say pressing down on him, but he wasn't sure where to start.

"Morning, Seungmin," Chan said softly, his voice a little rough from the lack of sleep.

Seungmin glanced up, his eyes meeting Chan's for a brief moment before quickly flicking away. "Morning," he mumbled, his voice unusually quiet.

Felix stood up, stretching his arms above his head. "I'm gonna head to the practice room early," he announced, clearly giving them space. "See you guys later."

As Felix left the room, the silence between Chan and Seungmin grew heavier. Chan swallowed, his mind racing as he tried to find the right words. But nothing felt adequate. Nothing could fully express the turmoil he had been feeling since last night.

"Seungmin," Chan started, his voice softer now, filled with hesitation. "Can we talk?"

Seungmin stiffened at the question, his fingers tightening around his coffee cup. For a moment, it looked like he might refuse. But then he let out a long sigh, nodding once before pushing his cup aside.

"Yeah... I guess we should," Seungmin said, his voice guarded, but there was a flicker of something else—something fragile—beneath the surface.

Chan motioned toward the living room, wanting to be somewhere a little more private, away from the potential interruptions of the other members. Seungmin followed him, silent and tense, and they both sat down on the couch, the atmosphere thick with unspoken words.

For a few long moments, neither of them spoke. Chan's heart pounded in his chest, the weight of everything he had overheard last night sitting heavily on his shoulders. He didn't want to make this worse. He didn't want to push Seungmin further away. But he also couldn't let this go unresolved.

"I... I heard you last night," Chan finally said, his voice barely above a whisper, his eyes focused on his hands. "Outside Felix's room."

Seungmin froze, his eyes widening in shock as he stared at Chan. For a moment, his face flushed with embarrassment, but then the hurt settled in, darkening his expression. "You *what*?" he asked, his voice brittle, laced with disbelief.

Chan swallowed hard, guilt flooding his chest. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I was walking by, and I heard you talking to Felix. I wasn't trying to listen, but I... I couldn't walk away."

Seungmin's jaw tightened, his fists clenching in his lap as he looked away, a bitter laugh escaping him. "So, you heard everything then? Great. Just great."

Chan reached out, his hand hovering above Seungmin's arm, but he didn't quite touch him, unsure if it would be welcome. "Seungmin, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have listened, but..." He hesitated, his voice cracking slightly. "I couldn't bear hearing you like that. Hearing you doubt yourself. Doubt us."

Seungmin's shoulders tensed, his body rigid as if trying to hold himself together. "I didn't want you to know," he muttered, his voice low and filled with frustration. "I didn't want you to see me like that."

Chan's heart ached at the admission. He had always known Seungmin kept things bottled up—kept his emotions carefully controlled—but hearing him now, knowing that he had been carrying so much doubt and fear, made Chan's chest feel tight.

"Seungmin..." Chan leaned forward, his voice pleading now. "You don't have to hide from me. You don't have to carry this alone."

Seungmin shook his head, his gaze fixed on the floor. "It's not that easy, Chan. You don't get it."

"Then help me understand," Chan pressed, his voice firm but gentle. "Please."

Seungmin stayed silent for a long moment, his body trembling slightly. When he finally spoke, his voice was barely audible. "I'm scared, Chan. I'm scared that if I let myself get too close, I'll ruin everything. That I'll hurt you, or that you'll wake up one day and realize I'm not enough."

Chan's heart twisted at the confession, the pain in Seungmin's voice cutting deeper than anything else.

Without thinking, Chan closed the distance between them, his hand gently resting on Seungmin's shoulder. "You're wrong," Chan said, his voice thick with emotion. "You are more than enough. Seungmin, I... I've wanted this for so long, but I didn't want to push you into anything. I didn't want you to feel like you had to be something you weren't ready for."

Seungmin finally looked up, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. "But what if I *do* mess it up? What if I'm not ready?"

Chan shook his head, his grip on Seungmin's shoulder tightening slightly. "You don't have to be perfect. We don't have to have everything figured out right now. We'll take it one step at a time. Together."

The tension between them seemed to ease just a little, the raw emotion starting to soften. Seungmin let out a shaky breath, his hands unclenching as he leaned back against the couch.

"I just... I don't want to lose you, Chan," Seungmin admitted, his voice barely a whisper. "I don't want to ruin what we have."

"You're not going to lose me," Chan said, his voice unwavering. "I'm here, Seungmin. I'm not going anywhere."

For a long moment, they sat there in the quiet, the weight of their emotions finally starting to settle. Chan could see the uncertainty still lingering in Seungmin's eyes, but there was also something else—something softer, more hopeful.

Tentatively, Chan reached for Seungmin's hand, threading their fingers together. Seungmin's gaze flicked down to their joined hands, and though his expression was still guarded, he didn't pull away.

"We'll figure this out," Chan whispered, his voice steady. "One step at a time."

Seungmin let out a soft, shaky laugh, wiping at his eyes with his free hand. "You always make things sound so simple."

Chan smiled, his thumb brushing gently over Seungmin's knuckles. "That's because I believe in us."

And in that moment, with the warmth of Seungmin's hand in his, Chan knew that they were going to be okay. There would still be challenges, still uncertainties, but they would face them together. And that was all that mattered.