I can't live without you.. || Chanmin

The Conversations We Needed

Seungmin sat huddled against Chan on the small couch in the hospital's visiting lounge, his body pressed close like he was afraid Chan might disappear if he let go. His fingers clutched the fabric of Chan's hoodie, and his head rested against Chan's chest. The way he clung to him wasn't just out of comfort—it was desperation, a silent plea to anchor himself to something solid.

Chan didn't move, his arms wrapped tightly around Seungmin's frame, his chin resting lightly on top of Seungmin's head. The others had settled into the chairs around them, their faces a mix of exhaustion, relief, and sorrow.

Nobody spoke at first. The air was heavy with emotions too tangled to unravel. But it was Hyunjin who finally broke the silence.

"You look like a mess, Min," he said, his voice wavering but carrying a faint attempt at humor. "I mean, we're all a mess, but you're really winning the competition."

A weak laugh escaped Seungmin, muffled against Chan's chest. It was small, but it was real, and it made everyone's hearts ache a little less.

"Thanks, Hyunjin-hyung," Seungmin mumbled, his voice hoarse. "Nice to know some things never change."

Jeongin leaned forward, his eyes wide and glassy. "Hyung, you have no idea how much we missed you," he said softly, his fingers fidgeting with the hem of his hoodie. "It felt... empty without you."

Seungmin turned his head slightly to look at Jeongin, his lips pressing into a thin line as tears welled up in his eyes again. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I just... I didn't know how to stop it."

Felix reached over, placing a hand on Seungmin's knee. "You don't have to explain, Minnie," he said gently. "We get it. We just... we just want you to know we're here now. For whatever you need. Always."

Seungmin's grip on Chan tightened, and he buried his face deeper into Chan's chest, unable to respond. Chan rubbed slow circles on his back, his voice calm and steady as he spoke.

"We don't blame you for anything, Min," Chan said softly. "We're just glad you're still here. That we get to hold you like this, talk to you like this. That we get to try again."

Hyunjin nodded, his hands clasped tightly in his lap. "You scared the hell out of us, you know? But none of that matters now. What matters is making sure you know you're not alone."

"I've been scared too," Seungmin admitted, his voice muffled. "Scared that I'd never see you again. That I'd never hear you laugh, or fight, or just... be there."

Jeongin let out a quiet sob, his hand flying to his mouth as tears streamed down his face. "Hyung," he choked out, "we're here. We're always going to be here. You're not going to lose us. Ever."

For a while, the conversation drifted into memories, small moments they clung to in Seungmin's absence.

"Do you remember the time Seungmin tried to bake cookies and ended up setting off the fire alarm?" Felix said, grinning through his tears.

Seungmin peeked up from Chan's chest, a faint flush creeping onto his pale cheeks. "That was one time."

"One time too many," Hyunjin teased. "We thought we were going to have to evacuate the entire building."

Jeongin sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "And then Chan-hyung tried to act all calm and responsible, but he was just as panicked as the rest of us."

"Hey!" Chan protested, though his chuckle gave him away. "I had it under control!"

"No, you didn't," Seungmin muttered, the corners of his lips twitching upward for the first time.

The room filled with soft laughter, the kind that felt more like a release than amusement. It wasn't loud or carefree, but it was enough to remind them all of what they'd been missing.

As the conversation slowed, Felix leaned forward, his voice quieter now. "Seungmin, do you think... do you think you'll be okay? Coming back to us, I mean?"

Seungmin hesitated, his fingers clutching Chan's hoodie again. "I don't know," he admitted, his voice trembling. "I want to be okay. I want to come back. But I'm scared. What if I can't... what if I let you down again?"

"You won't," Chan said firmly, his hand moving to gently tilt Seungmin's face upward so their eyes met. "Even if it's hard, even if it takes time, we'll be with you every step of the way. We'll take it slow, together."

"Together," Felix echoed, his voice resolute.

"Always," Jeongin added, reaching over to squeeze Seungmin's hand.

Seungmin looked at each of them, his lips trembling as tears spilled over again. "I missed you all so much," he whispered, his voice breaking. "I don't deserve you."

"Yes, you do," Hyunjin said fiercely. "You deserve all of us, Min. And we're not going anywhere."

The visit stretched longer than they expected, filled with moments of laughter, tears, and quiet reassurances. Through it all, Seungmin never let go of Chan, and Chan never tried to make him.

When the nurse finally came to tell them their time was up, Seungmin's grip tightened, panic flashing in his eyes. "Don't go," he pleaded, his voice small and fragile.

Chan hugged him tightly, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "We'll be back, Min. I promise. As often as they let us. You're stuck with us now, okay?"

Seungmin nodded reluctantly, his tears soaking into Chan's hoodie.

As they left the room, none of them could hold back their tears. But for the first time in months, those tears weren't just of sadness—they were of hope. Because they knew they had found their Seungmin again, and they weren't letting go. Not ever.