I can't live without you.. || Chanmin

Holding the Anchor

(felix and hyunjins pov) 

The dorm was quiet—too quiet. Felix sat on the couch, scrolling aimlessly through his phone, though he wasn't really looking at anything. Every few seconds, he'd glance at Hyunjin, who was pacing back and forth in the living room, his hands running through his hair in agitation.

Felix knew why. They were both thinking the same thing.

Chan hadn't come out of his room since the call from the hospital days ago, not even to eat. It wasn't unusual for Chan to shut himself away when he was stressed, but this time felt different. The energy in the dorm was heavier, suffocating, as if the entire group was walking on a tightrope that could snap at any moment.

"We should check on him," Felix said finally, his voice breaking the silence.

Hyunjin stopped pacing, his brows furrowing. "You think he's okay?"

Felix bit his lip, worry etched across his face. "I don't know. But something doesn't feel right."

The two of them approached Chan's door cautiously. Felix knocked softly, pressing his ear against the wood. "Hyung?" he called out, his voice trembling slightly.

No response.

"Chan?" Hyunjin tried, louder this time.

Still nothing.

Felix exchanged a worried glance with Hyunjin before reaching for the doorknob. It wasn't locked. Slowly, he pushed the door open.

What they saw made both of their hearts stop.

Chan sat at his desk, his shoulders hunched and his head bowed. His hands trembled as he clutched a knife, the blade catching the dim light of the desk lamp.

"Chan!" Felix shouted, rushing into the room.

Hyunjin was right behind him, his heart pounding as he lunged forward. "What are you doing?!"

Felix grabbed the knife first, his hands shaking as he snatched it away and tossed it onto the far side of the desk. "Hyung, no," he cried, his voice cracking. "What are you doing?!"

Chan didn't respond at first. He just sat there, his face buried in his hands as his body trembled with silent sobs.

"Hyung, look at me," Hyunjin said urgently, kneeling in front of him and gripping his shoulders. "What's going on? Why... why would you even think about this?"

Chan shook his head, his voice breaking as he whispered, "I can't do this anymore. I'm failing him. I'm failing all of you. If I wasn't here, maybe things would be better."

Felix felt tears sting his eyes as he crouched beside Hyunjin. "That's not true, Chan. None of this is your fault. Don't you see how much we need you?"

Hyunjin's grip on Chan tightened. "Hyung, you're the one holding us together. If you're gone, what do we have left? What does Seungmin have left?"

Chan's sobs grew louder, his walls crumbling completely. "I can't save him," he choked out. "I couldn't stop him from getting hurt, and now he's in a hospital bed, and I don't even know if he'll wake up. What kind of leader am I?"

Felix reached out, wrapping his arms around Chan tightly. "You're the best leader, hyung. The best person. Don't ever think you're not enough, because you are. We love you so much. Seungmin loves you so much."

Hyunjin joined the embrace, his tears soaking into Chan's shirt. "We're all struggling, hyung, but we need you. Please don't leave us. Please."

Chan finally looked up at them, his eyes red and swollen, his face etched with pain. "I just want him to be okay," he whispered, his voice barely audible. "I don't know what to do."

Felix held him tighter, his voice soft but firm. "We'll figure it out together. You don't have to do this alone. We'll fight for Seungmin, but we'll fight for you too."

Hyunjin nodded, his voice shaking but resolute. "You're not alone, hyung. We're here. Always."

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, the three of them huddled together in the dim room. Slowly, Chan's sobs quieted, though the pain in his eyes remained.

Felix and Hyunjin helped him to his feet, guiding him out of the room and into the kitchen. They sat him down, making sure he drank some water and ate something, even if it was just a few bites.

Neither of them left his side that night, taking turns sitting with him in the living room, holding his hand when the silence became too heavy.

By the time the sun began to rise, Chan was asleep on the couch, his head resting against Felix's shoulder. Hyunjin draped a blanket over him, his own heart still heavy with worry.

"We'll get through this," Felix whispered, more to himself than anyone else. "We have to."

Hyunjin nodded silently, his eyes fixed on their sleeping leader. They had come so close to losing him, and the thought was unbearable.

But as long as they had each other, they would keep fighting—for Chan, for Seungmin, and for the bond that held them together.