A Recipe for Disaster

bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

As I made my way to detention, I couldn't help but feel a little scared.

I'd never been to detention before, and neither had my friends. But I'd seen it on TV, and television loves to paint detention in the darkest light—like it's some dungeon or hell.

But when I entered detention for the first time, I couldn't help but notice how... normal it looked. The same old cheesy motivational quotes were plastered on the walls, the usual crusty brown paint, and the standard red, white, and blue tile floors.

The only abnormal thing—and the part that did feel like it belonged in a TV show—was Ms. Martin.

She was like every stereotypical detention teacher: horny, cranky, and white.

"Why are you here?" she asked, still absorbed in her book, The Tutor's Naughty Girl. The cover showed a guy who looked about 28, half-shirtless, with his hands around a girl's neck. You couldn't see her face fully, but she was smiling. She seemed to be wearing a black corset—or maybe it was a bra. I didn't want to know. Just looking at it made me feel... unholy, like the song by Sam Smith and Kim Petras.

"Uh, I'm here for detention," I said awkwardly.

"I know that," she muttered, flipping a page of her steamy romance novel. "But what got you here?"

"Uh... I turned something in late."

"Oh, Ms. Monfent sent you here. Go sit in the back and don't talk," she waved me off, dismissing me as she continued to read.

I walked to the back of the class and spotted Ryder and Lilac, the only two others in detention. Lilac seemed like she was either asleep or listening to music—her head was down, and her eyes were shut tight.

"Hey, Ryder," I whispered as I sat down, trying not to let Ms. Martin hear me. Not that she seemed to notice, completely absorbed in her book.

Ryder turned to glare at me. "What?" he whispered back, sounding annoyed.

I ignored his glare and asked, "I have a favour to ask."

He looked surprised for a second, then scoffed quietly. "I'm in detention because of you, dumbass. Don't think I'm doing you any favours."

"Remember the car?" I said, trying to jog his memory.

It took a moment, but his eyes widened in recognition before settling into an annoyed expression. "So, you want your favour to be me listening to you?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, I need you to listen to tell me my favour."

He huffed, turning away to dig through his bag. "Well, I'm not going to listen."

"What?" I whispered, a bit shocked.

"I'm not listening to any favours since you didn't turn in the assignment on time," he said, pulling out his black earbuds and putting them in.

It took everything in me not to yell at him. But I managed to stay calm. Taking a deep breath, I got up and walked over, crouching slightly so Ms. Martin wouldn't notice. I pulled one of his earbuds out and whispered urgently, "I need a fake crush."

Ryder nearly choked on air, clearly uncomfortable with me so close to his ear. Ms. Martin glanced at us briefly but rolled her eyes and went back to her book.

"Be quiet," she muttered while still reading her romance novel.

I went back to my seat but didn't stop talking. Ryder hissed, "What the fuck?"

"I need someone to pretend to like me," I clarified.

"And you're asking me?" he said, still incredulous.

"Yes and no."

"That makes no sense."

"I need someone to pretend to be you."

"What?"

"I accidentally said your name when I was on a call with this girl because you texted me while I was telling her about a guy I liked—"

"That's why you flipped me off?" he interrupted. "Because you screwed up?"

"No, you made me screw up! That's why I flipped you off."

He rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair. "So you want me to find another Ryder?"

"Yes."

He was quiet for a while, seeming deep in thought until he let out an exaggerated sigh. "Can't you ask anyone else?"

I shook my head. "No. 'cause they might snitch to Graham."

"Who said I won't?"

I glare at him, "Because if you do," I scan my brain of memories of Ryder and I, "I'll tell everyone that you were a bug lover,"

"Damn it," he said sarcastically as he gave me a sarcastic smile to match his tone, "only if I gave a fuck!

"Well, do you remember the favour?"

Ryder's eyes widen as he let out a groan as he let his head hit the desk, "fuck you!"

I smiled as I relaxed in my chair, as I watched him summer.

"What if I don't?" He asked as he lifted his head from the table. 

"You let me have two favours, remember! And if you don't, I promise you, I will tell my dad you stole his car!" 

He narrowed his eyes as he let out a huge annoyed sigh, "you're the literal definition of a bitch!" 

"likewise mate," I teased, adding a huge smile as I related against my chair, proud of myself.