It was late at night, and Conan had been busy all day. He hadn't been home since early this morning. He was filming a music video, one for his new album. I had just been sitting on the couch all day. Doom scrolling. I turned my phone off and sat up from the couch.
I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I could feel my face get hot with tears starting to form in my eyes. I hated the way I looked. Its sounds so pick me and fake, but its true. I look in the mirror and I see so many flaws...I really do try to look pretty, and Conan always tells me I am but...I feel like he's lying because I just can't see it. I feel like everyone who tells me they like me is lying.
How could they like me? I know myself. I'm annoying and people get tired of me so quickly...even my own parents. I looked in the mirror a second time, staring at my stomach. It was sticking out of my shirt, making me look slightly pregnant. Not really, but I was so bloated. I knew it was because I had just eaten, and this is why I try to not eat so often. Maybe I need to eat even less than I already am. Maybe that will solve the problem.
I look at my face, underneath my eyes. My eyes are drooping, the tiredness showing underneath. My face was oily and bumpy, even though I washed it every morning and night. I took care of my face. I don't know why it still looks this way. My hair was falling messily at my shoulders, knotty and frizzy. Ugh.
After one last look in the mirror, I decide to take a shower before Conan gets home. As I shower I think about everything. How I look, how I feel...I just want to be happy...and Conan makes me happy. After a long shower I dry off and get dressed in a white tank top and blue plaid pajama pants. I wash my face and dry my hair, looking. much better than before. Just then I hear the keys in the door.
I walk out to be greeted with a bright smile from Conan, until his face shifts. His cheeks turn bright red and he just stares at me. He rubs his hand on the back of his neck, turning to look to his right. "What's wrong?" I ask, confused. "I...uh-" he stutters, looking down. He looks up at me, his eyes tracing my shirt before he looks away again. That's when I notice.
I look down at my shirt, realizing that my bright blue bra was showing clearly through my white tank top. "Oh, uh...I'm sorry...I didn't notice-" Well this was awkward. "No, no its okay I just...I didn't know if you wanted me to tell you, or...if you cared" he almost whispers. He looks back at me, blushing but smiling. "I think you look gorgeous" he says.
I just look at him, and nod a simple thank you. He lets out a sigh, then sets down his bag before walking towards me. Taking my hands in his, he places a kiss on my forehead. "I wish you could just believe me...that you could see what I see. If you saw yourself in my eyes...God you're pretty" he says. He cups my cheek in his hand, leaning in to place a small kiss on my lips.
I kiss him back, but it's not filled with much emotion. I've been feeling sort of...off lately. He pulls away, holding my hands and looking at me. I feel his hand tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. "You okay?" he asks. I stare at the floor, wanting so badly to tell him the truth. "Let's talk" he says. With that, he walks towards the bedroom and sits down on the bed. He motions for me to sit next to him.
