I can feel the nerves starting to creep in as I sit next to him. I look up at his face as he gives me a warm smile, but his eyes are serious. I look down at my hands in my lap. I don't need to worry him. I've been struggling a lot with my mental health lately, and I'm not sure how much more I can take. I cry almost every time he leaves because I don't want him to see me cry. He doesn't need to see me cry.
I have been like this since I was young, maybe because of my parents or maybe not. I wasn't really sure. But he didn't need to know or worry. I look back up at him, trying to put on the best smile I can. "I think I'm just tired" I say. He looks at me with a questioning expression. "I should probably go to bed and get some sleep" I give him a reassuring smile, and he seems content with that.
I pull back the covers and get underneath them, Conan doing the same. I lay my head down on the pillow and look up at the ceiling. I wish I wasn't afraid to tell him. I just stare at the ceiling, thinking about everything. Why did I have to feel this way? I didn't want to. It's not like I try to. I just do. I don't deserve Conan. I don't deserve anything I have.
I feel his hand on mine, his face turning to look at mine. I look into his dark brown eyes. "You can always talk to me. You're not a burden. I'm here for you. Always" he says. I turn away from his face, worried that a tear might fall. He sighs, then pulls me in to rest my head against him. I wrap my arms around him as he pulls me tight to him.
He kisses my head softly, then my forehead, then my nose. I look up at him with questioning eyes. "I love you so much" he says, leaning in to kiss my cheeks, my jawline, then my lips. After he pulls away, I look away from his eyes, trying hard to avoid his gaze. I can feel his eyes on me. "I love you too" I whisper.
He pulls me in to him, resting his chin on my head. His arms wrap around my waist and pull me closer to him. It hurts me to imagine him thinking I'm not okay. I kiss his lips once more, pulling away with a warm smile. "I'm okay Cone"
"Promise?" he says. I hate to lie to him. I feel the guilt before I say the words. "Promise"
