Everything is starting to get weird, I never wanted to do such things with Katrina, but now, the person who I see myself in love with, is actually pulling all the silver chains all over my neck, and seems to enjoy it, so it's how she plays. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about him.
Thinking about Jamie... thinking about my dead ex-boyfriend.
I try to take Katrina's hand, cause I feel like my whole body's shaking, because of the cold, because we're all naked and I'm starting to freeze, because of this damn tension between us.
And more weird things,
I'm starting to like it.
She whispered "I warned you" and she did too, but all I did was pull my arms around her and started to kiss her lips, I don't know why, but for some reason, I thought she didn't like to kiss, but there again, she did it and continued doing it, even now, as she was waiting for it for a long time, honestly, I was waiting for that too.
We kept doing it for a round, and now she wants more, I'm wondering how I'll be able to bear all the pain she gives, and it's more like for her to see me in pain and enjoy it better, I noticed how I turned her on only with my tears and crying.
I hate it.
I hate to remember him.
After this long time, I hate it, I hate him, I hate all the things he did.
And suddenly, without realising, I pushed Katrina away.
"Katrina, I... I don't think it's a good Ide-"
She pulled the chains again, but this time, with so much pain, I could feel my neck hurt.
"Katrina... Stop!!!"
"But why, isn't it what you wanted Clara..." She said with a devilish grin on her lips.
She wrapped my legs around her waist again, I couldn't get up from the bed, or even try to run cause she turned out to be a monster, and wanted to devour me, I hate the way that things are getting sadistic, and the reason is Katrina. But I feel the love in it, cause I'm in love with her, I think... I see myself in love, but why? What about Katrina is so lovely that I can't stand it.
She gave me orgasm from the first time we did it, she knows how to use her fingers, how to use her tongue, and more...
How to use me.
So, I just close my eyes and let her do whatever the hell she wants to do to me, cause I see it attractive. She IS attractive.
Katrina runs her finger through my hair.
"You're acting the way like I'm gonna eat you." She said and started to giggle.
She's cute. And a maniac...
"I mean, aren't you?" I said and looked at her in a way as I begged for her mercy.
"I don't see you as a food."
"So... you see me as what? What I... mean to you?" I said and tried to pull her close to me.
I just wanted to know what Katrina feels about me, or am I even someone to her? I hate that I have so many fantasies. What if Katrina is actually attracted to my body? And nothing else? I would be so sad and broken if she rejected me one day, I wonder how my expressions will be that day. It just makes me feel shit if Katrina only loves me for my body.
"It's too soon to think about that Clar." She said.
𝐷𝑖𝑑 𝑠𝒉𝑒 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑒 "𝐶𝑙𝑎𝑟"?
I start to blush again, she looks too sexy for an emotional moment like that, with her black underwear, and even her black blouse with the buttons open, I see her belt open, but I'm the completely naked one.
"But you know, the first time I saw you, I noticed that you're no ordinary." She said and smiled.
She said I'm not ordinary, so, does it mean that she sees me something? I mean... is there a chance for me to make it even more than extraordinary? I fell for you.
But there's diffraction as well.
I see myself as a bird that falls.
Love is complicated, but I saw myself falling for you.
Well let me tell mine, the first time I saw you with the gorgeous black suit you had, it made you honestly like a gentleman, but I just want to remove the word "man" and add the "woman".
Cause you had all the things I wanted, you have good manners to everyone, but in the time you need, you can be cold as ice, you're attractive, gorgeous, pretty handsome and more beautiful like butterflies in the forest, and your eyes... Your eyes are my favourite, I love the way you look with your golden eyes, you make everyone look at you as if you're the star.
There are more reasons for me to love you Katrina, I assume, you'll never understand how you make my heart beat fast, maybe it's simple, maybe it's the first and the last night.
Perhaps, it's the first and the last night we sleep together, we enjoy ourselves together, and after that, I'm afraid it won't happen again.
There are more reasons for me Katrina...
To fall for you.
I'm keeping my legs wrapped around her, and as I grab her close to me, I kiss her lips again, but this time, I wrap my arms around her too, I want her to hold me for a long time, I want to touch her for a long time so I will never forget how it felt to hug the famous and the heartless Katrina Silvie.
I just know there's no chance, no way for Katrina to fall in love with me.
I felt her the way I never felt my ex-boyfriend.
I had done it with Jamie too, I had sex with him too, and I'm just ashamed and too sad to think that Jamie was the first one who took my virginity, the first and the last person I'd done it with up until now.
Then we broke up, we wanted to engage, dream of getting married, how stupid I was to believe all the things he did.
And now he's dead, under his grave.
Breaking up with him was a kill switch he never forgot.
