THE COFFEE HAS YOUR SMELL

CHAPTER 25: AS IF IT'S ALWAYS WINTER IN MY SOUL

The news that Flynn had a serious car accident confused Kate so much that she suddenly felt her soul freezing inside her and even her heart stopped for a few moments. All this happened because she was afraid. Yes, she was afraid to death that Alex could have been in that car, once she knew that he and Mark were close friends and always together when the other one had a difficult time and needed a friend.

„As Alex seems to need right now," Kate thought, shuddering inside again. Then, closing her eyes for a few moments, she covered her face with her palms and deeply breathed in several times, trying to calm down. Such a trick didn't help her this time. On the contrary, she felt her heart madly beating in her chest while her thoughts, those that spun like bees in her head, weren't allowing her to think normally.

How not feel all this when she considered that everything that happened was because of her?! Yes, that car accident might have happened after that kiss at the docks when she and Alex said goodbye to each other, although they hadn't ever had a romantic relationship. At least it hadn't been an open relationship but one hidden in their hearts and thoughts, a relationship they decided to talk to each other only once, but which ended up so suddenly... after a kiss and a few words randomly spoken by the man and by her to the man she got to care about so much.

Eventually, all these were simple conjectures: that the accident happened because of her and that their kiss was the one to be blamed for every single bad thing that happened in her life and the lives of others. Nevertheless, once she couldn't convince herself what was the truth and what was a lie, and she couldn't convince herself of this because she turned into a coward eventually, all Kate could do at that moment was to look in front, at the sea that was stretching somewhere to the horizon. At that moment, she was on the terrace of the „Dreams" coffee shop, where she had been more often lately. Why exactly did Kate start to frequent that place? Because it was not that far from the docks, where she stole a kiss from Alex and her heart and the time of a lost love froze in front of the tormented sea because of longing and concern.

Kate also seemed to have turned herself into a statue in that place. She was an alive statue, so beautiful in most cases, even if her eyes were so sad at that moment. It couldn't be different when she gave her heart to another man but remained by the side of the one whom she thought she'd been in love with and would love for an entire life. Yes, Kate was still with the man she thought she was capable of giving her life for, but who turned out to be a selfish man eventually - Jonathan Ward, although her heart longed for another man.

Why did Kate think that Ward was selfish? Simply because he wanted her back when there weren't feelings between them anymore. Yes, there wasn't love in their relationship anymore, just as there wasn't respect. Even so, Jonathan was stubborn not to accept that. At the same time, Kate was stubbornly clinging to that relationship, although she was pretty sure that she was playing the role of the moribund who desperately wanted one more breath of fresh air.

Nevertheless, „There's only the ego left eventually. There's only my helplessness in front of fate and my delusions because I can't leave myself behind - that Kate that lived in the past, just to make sure I'll freely fly toward the sun. That's why I made this choice eventually: I did what Jonathan did - being selfish and dreaming about love in another man's arms, although I wasn't a free woman. And I didn't only dream of that, but I also deeply felt it with that kiss, which meant betrayal eventually because you aren't single, Kate. You aren't a free woman, and this hurts so bad."

At the same time, incertitude hurt her, and the fact that she didn't have anyone to ask about what happened. Yet, she wanted so badly to find out: to know what happened to Mark, who became a friend eventually for the simple fact that he was Doyle's friend, to know what happened to Alex, and to find out what Erin felt too. „The one that I'm sure suffers the most right now."